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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd has literally been crying all night because she doesn't like her hair cut

180 replies

18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 07:35

Dd (13) has been asking for months to get her hair cut short -this has been a considered decision

Went yesterday to get it done and she hates it

The tears started about half an hour after she got home and haven't stopped

She's now saying she's not leaving the house, has cancelled plans to see friends, doesn't want anyone looking at her -its too short to tie up so I've no suggestions for her really

It actually looks really nice but she can't see that

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
SanityClause · 09/05/2015 07:40

DD2 did this about a colour we put in. It was very coppery, and she'd wanted it for ages, but then hated it.

I looked on the Internet to work out how to remove it, but, in the end, she came to terms with it.

She will get over it, and it will grow.

I think all you can do it continue to acknowledge her feelings, and let her get used to it.

jaffacake2 · 09/05/2015 07:42

Call in her best friends for support. My daughter did the same at about 13 and her mate stayed over cheering her up. By the end of the weekend she was feeling great about the new look and ready to face school. Hope all goes well

bishboschone · 09/05/2015 07:43

This happened to me when I was about 19.. I went to the hairdresser with a blonde bob and came out with a red pixie cut which I didn't ask for ... I cried literally for days and didn't want to leave the house ... I think I took nitol in the end as I was hysterical ans count calm down .. Poor thing

Koalafications · 09/05/2015 07:43

Oh no, poor DD. I think every female has been there. I know I have cried quite a few times after leaving the salon as my hair hasn't turned out as I expected or because they have completely ignored me and cut too much off.

I don't think that there is much you can do, it will grow back but will take some time.

Just tell her that you think it actually looks really nice and suits her.

The hard part is at that age they are looking for more compliments from their peers than their parents.

SkodaLabia · 09/05/2015 07:45

Has she washed it herself yet? It might be that the cut isn't exactly how she envisaged it, but if she styles it herself she might feel more 'herself'.
Is it a crop, or a bob?

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 07:49

It's a crop with longer top that comes forward and to one side if that makes sense

Me telling her it looks nice is winding her up more and she's refusing to see her friends -sigh

OP posts:
Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 07:50

Oh and she's washed it but refused to style it because she can't bear touching it

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stressbucket1 · 09/05/2015 07:55

Clip in extensions?

PurpleWithRed · 09/05/2015 07:56

DD hated every single haircut from the age of about 12 to 16 - every one was her idea and funded by her own pocket money. It was a real trial. Poor DP used to dread it. I have to say she didn't always get over it in a couple of days - with some it went on for weeks and once she re-dyed her hair 3 times in a single day.

I would get suckered into giving her a bit of sympathy to start with, then would move on to brisk philosophy.

She grew out of it in the end (sorry).

ditavonteesed · 09/05/2015 08:01

poor girl, its such a horrible feeling when that happens, I have done it so many times had an image of what I wanted and it never looks good on me. It's kind of almost the realisation that you dont look like the picture you have in your mind and as a young teenager that is a hard lesson to learn.

Sounds like a very trendy cut and I bet it looks ace, she will come roudn I'm sure, you know when you paint a room a different colour and it takes ages till you like looking at it as it just looks wrong at first.

I say let her wallow it out this weekend, presumably she will have to go to school next week and will realise its not the end of the worls, and in fact a few compliments from friends and she will love it.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 09/05/2015 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 08:04

Well at the minute she's saying she's not leaving the house for the next 4 months until its long enough for extensions which she won't be getting because I can't afford them anyway

The hair isn't long enough for clip in extensions

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Fairylea · 09/05/2015 08:06

Wig ? I'm being serious. There are some great wigs out there. I see a lot of young people wearing them on instagram especially the Japanese type inspired ones (I think there's a website called geisha wigs). Not ideal I know but might cheer her up and provide a bit of fun if nothing else.

SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 08:06

I think that all you can do is leave her to it. I'm torn between simply not mentioning it at all and occasionally telling her that it looks great or reminding her that she can grow it out easily if she doesn't like it.

have you found out what she doesn't like about it? Maybe another trip to the hairdresser will turn it into something she feels better about.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 08:12

I have actually suggested a wig fairylea but she'd have to come with me to buy one, plus she wouldn't be able to wear it for school as she couldn't tie it up (or could she?)

I barely slept last night knowing she was so upset Sad

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 09/05/2015 08:14

Did she choose the hairstyle? If the hairdresser messed up I'd be speaking to them about dealing with it. If it's her choice but she now hates it I would be focusing on the positives but she has to learn to deal with disappointment in life.

Cherriesandapples · 09/05/2015 08:16

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Loveleopardprint · 09/05/2015 08:16

Does she have her ears pierced? My daughter had a short bob recently which luckily she loves. We bought some funky dangly earring for the weekends which show so much better with a bob. Could you cheer her up like that?

WottaMess · 09/05/2015 08:16

While trying to be a bit sympathetic s dose of 'you're going to have to leave the house so might as well find a way of feeling better about it' might be useful. The thing I always forget when I go long to short (which I've done many times) is that you need immaculate eyebrows (and sometimes more eye makeup, though I appreciate she's only 13) and product to get your hair to stay in place - might be powder, wax, spray, so getting her a few bits like that that she can play with might be helpful.

She'll get there but good luck this weekend!

Koalafications · 09/05/2015 08:19

My DM would have told me to stop being so ridiculous, that I looked fine and then ignored that I was upset about my hair. To be fair, that tactic worked quite well as I didn't wallow in it as I wasn't getting any sympathy and I would just move on. She knew that I had a tendency to be over dramatic, wallow and continue to think about it if everyone was paying me lots of attention so she didn't. (I was a great teen, can you tell? Grin)

But, that may not work with your DD and it may push her the other way and she may feel more upset.

Knowing her character how do you think it would be best to handle it?

FresherThanYou · 09/05/2015 08:20

Take some lovely photos of her?

SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 08:21

Cherriesandapples I hope you never get upset about anything trivial, because there are always people worse off than you. I hope you never leave food, because there are people starving in the world... Don't be so bloody unsympathetic.

Ilovenannyplum · 09/05/2015 08:21

Bit harsh cherriesHmm

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 08:23

She's the sort of person that needs solutions

Telling her to just get in with it and stop being pathetic is like a red rag to a bull

She does struggle socially and needs her confidence building -which I thought a haircut of her choosing would do

It's got ever so slightly less weight in the front than she wanted and does need styling rather than just washing and leaving but the hairdresser has done a decent job

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DinosaursRoar · 09/05/2015 08:23

I would go with the, "right, well you've had a night to wallow in your upset, time to pull yourself together. You can waste the day indoors today if you like, but I'm not hearing another word about your hair, and you are going to school on Monday, so your friends will see your hair. You might want to invite [name best friend] round today to get that over and done with in private, but it's up to you if you want to make this into a bigger drama than it is."

Then walk off, leave her too it.