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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd has literally been crying all night because she doesn't like her hair cut

180 replies

18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 07:35

Dd (13) has been asking for months to get her hair cut short -this has been a considered decision

Went yesterday to get it done and she hates it

The tears started about half an hour after she got home and haven't stopped

She's now saying she's not leaving the house, has cancelled plans to see friends, doesn't want anyone looking at her -its too short to tie up so I've no suggestions for her really

It actually looks really nice but she can't see that

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
Cherriesandapples · 09/05/2015 08:26

Well, everyone gets upset about things. But to cry all night about haircut? I mean how vain is that? It is very vain indeed and melodramatic and frankly feeding that kind of vanity by pandering to it won't help with development of a person's ability to cope later in life.

avocadotoast · 09/05/2015 08:27

Poor love, I remember being in the same situation at that age and it does feel like the worst thing!

I think when I had a hair disaster I just had to go to a different hairdresser to try and salvage it.

Can you maybe have a look through Pinterest or something to find similar cuts that have been styled a certain way?

I have really short hair and I love it now but when I first had it done it was a big shock because you really can see so much more of your face!

I find when I can't be arsed with my hair things like headbands/bandanas are good - Primark usually have some cute 50s inspired ones that are about £1.50 - so that could be worth a look maybe?

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 09/05/2015 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 09/05/2015 08:29

She is 13 for fuck sake Cherries 13!

Of course it's going seem like the end of the world. It's bloody difficult enough being that age and being body concious without having a haircut that you hate too.

avocadotoast · 09/05/2015 08:30

Cherries I don't think it is that melodramatic - she's 13! Self esteem and image are delicate at that age. And shit haircuts are awful - I mean, you see posts on here all the time where people are upset about bad haircuts, and those people are adults!

SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 08:30

Cherriesandapples they aren't vain, they are thirteen. A child.

StaceyAndTracey · 09/05/2015 08:31

I agree with the person who suggested getting her best friend round . Can you text her / her mother ?

SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 08:34

I would sit down with her and a laptop to look at pictures and work out between you how you can make it better.

If the "slightly less weight than she wanted" bit was a bit shorter, would it make it heavier? If there are wispy ends or layers this might help.
Offer to style it for her.
Hair accessories as previously mentioned.
Maybe a semi permanent colour?

SanityClause · 09/05/2015 08:35

Don't you realise, that once you are a teenager on MN, you are practically an adult. Margaret Beaufort gave birth to Henry VII at 13! So she should just get over herself! Hmm

RandomMess · 09/05/2015 08:36

TBH is probably far more about her overall self-esteem than just the hair cut, although your dd probably won't be able to recognise at such a young age.

A drastic hair cut is a shock and it will get noticed. TBH I would invite her most supportive friend over regardless and then start working on tactics at how to get her to fake it confidence wise. People will notice and comment on it at school so she does need to practice faking being confident and being "I love it".

avocadotoast · 09/05/2015 08:36

OP - is it like any of these? uk.pinterest.com/explore/long-pixie-cuts/

Does she have any product to style it with? Because that will make a world of difference. My hair makes me look like a little boy until I put some product in it! There is a range I found in Boots called Fish that is good (if a little pricey) - I've been using one called Fish Paste recently that is worth a look.

Ilovewheelychairs · 09/05/2015 08:37

I don't know if this will help or not, but I quite recently had a fringe cut in which I hated! However, I put a picture on my FB account and got so many positive comments that it boosted mesons what. For me it was the shock of the change rather than actually hating it! Could you send a pic to a few people and then show her any positive comments you get in return? Not suggesting at all you put her picture on social media if you don't want to, but could you text the pics to family members maybe?

claraschu · 09/05/2015 08:38

Has she (or you) read Little Women? If so, remind her of Jo's haircut.

Ilovewheelychairs · 09/05/2015 08:38
  • boosted me somewhat. Not mesons! Stupid phone!
QOD · 09/05/2015 08:42

Can you get her to cover her face with her hands and show her a photo?

Also tell her that when I was 13, I was allowed to go get my hair cut how I wanted.

I went with almost waist length wavey hair, no fringe, just beautiful hair ... I came back with a shoulder blade length mullet and
I LOVED it .... I look back and piss myself laughing and remember my mum crying real tears
... at least she has a tasteful cut!

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 08:43

it's like the lady with the blonde hair and black coat on the top of this page

OP posts:
Koalafications · 09/05/2015 08:46

That's a really nice hair cut.

Do you think she will go into school tomorrow?

ditavonteesed · 09/05/2015 08:47

that is a gorgeous style, what was her hair like before? I bet it will just take a bit of getting used to.

avocadotoast · 09/05/2015 08:47

Oh ok. It is really nice but I can see why she might be upset because it is very short, especially if she wasn't expecting such a change! The fringe will probably grow quite quickly (though that doesn't really help right now).

I'd definitely see if you can get a few different products for her to try styling it. VO5 have a volumising spray that might make the front look a bit heavier. Or maybe like others have said a different colour could give it a lift? Depending what colour her hair is now some little flashes through the front could be nice.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 08:51

She wanted it very short

Her hair was past her shoulders before but not super long

Her hair is a chocolatey brown colour with red tones

It really does look lovely on her

I've got wax, sea salt spray and hair spray so plenty to play with but at the minute she's avoid mirrors and touching her hair

OP posts:
SkodaLabia · 09/05/2015 08:53

My hair is like that, styling is everything, it can look fab or awful depending on how it's sitting. Definitely get some product.

Could she plait the fringe to one side? That could look very nice and a bit boho.

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2015 08:54

I know it won't be of any use but that's a beautiful haircut and will likely look v cute with a young face underneath it Smile

I remember being 13 and devastated about a hair cut, so she has my sympathies.

BUT - I think you need to be the calm and collected one here. Yes, acknowledge her distress and that you are here to help, but don't get sucked in to the hysteria because it is just hair. I know, I know, it's the end of the world as she knows it for her, but in the greater scheme of things it pales into insignificance.
Be calm and cheerful, think of things to do to distract her (favourite movie together? Pedicure at home? Anything else she likes doing?) and let time work its magic.

I hope she finds a way to get used to her grown-up hair cut Smile

SkodaLabia · 09/05/2015 08:57

Mine looks very cute with an old face underneath it. So there! Grin

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2015 09:00
Grin That's what I am hoping for when I'm brave enough for the chop. It's my only hope...
glittertits · 09/05/2015 09:01

I had this reaction when I was 14. Unfortunately for my mum, it was also 6 days before my grandad died. Naturally, she had zero tolerance and bollocked me like i'd never been bollocked before.

I am still mortified at my shortsightedness! In my defence, i was a hormone driven teen, and it was a shit haircut. But to have that reaction when my mum was the most stressed she's ever been in her life was seriously selfish. I don't know what i was thinking!

OP, your daughter will get used to it. I did. You just have to ride out the moping, but be firm. She will have to go to school. Not going will just build up the negative feelings. Going will release them, and start off the process of her learning to like/get used to the hair.