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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd has literally been crying all night because she doesn't like her hair cut

180 replies

18yearstooold · 09/05/2015 07:35

Dd (13) has been asking for months to get her hair cut short -this has been a considered decision

Went yesterday to get it done and she hates it

The tears started about half an hour after she got home and haven't stopped

She's now saying she's not leaving the house, has cancelled plans to see friends, doesn't want anyone looking at her -its too short to tie up so I've no suggestions for her really

It actually looks really nice but she can't see that

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 10/05/2015 09:13

How is she this morning OP?

Original poster
18yearstooold · 10/05/2015 09:50

She's not up yet, was pacing the floor at 4am and told me we need to go food shopping so that's going to be my focus today, getting her out of the house

OP posts:
ElleyBear13 · 10/05/2015 10:05

I think focusing on something else would be a good thing for her, eventually she'll get used to it and it'll grow. :) i did the same at 16, got my waist length hair dyed bright red and chopped to a very short graduating bob where the back was shaved. At the time i wanted a shaved side head (for what i do not know thankfully my mum said get a bob!!) i hated it. I missed being able to hide behind my hair and my neck being exposed. In time i loved it, and updated my make up to match my new do (perhaps this might help after some time?)

CamelHump · 10/05/2015 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tequilashotsfor1 · 10/05/2015 10:09

Yes to lynettes post.

She will get crucified at school if they get a whiff she is self conscious about it

PacificDogwood · 10/05/2015 10:19

Yes, get her out of the house.
Hopefully nobody staring and pointing at her will give an idea that the cut is not quite as life-alteringly awful as she has convinced herself it is Wink

Also, re somebody a boy making unkind remarks at school: of course they actually fancy her and are too awkward/shy/immature/boys to show it - point that out to her.

Good luck today - I really think the was forward is with breezily ignoring the teenaged hysterics, don't mention her hair, don't whisper with any word that no stranger noticed and hopefully anybody you know you might meet will be nothing but positive.

DicteSvendsen · 10/05/2015 10:22

This was me and my daughter last june. Luckily it's past her shoulders now. She got a really nice cut, i attach a pic of the style, it really suited it, but she sobbed on and off for a fortnight. It was exhausting. She still regularly brings it up, that time I was to blame for her hair Confused

Although I did think she was a bit too obsessed with her appearance and I thought it would empower her to have short hair. I was just wrong.

Wishing you speedy growth.

Dd has literally been crying all night because she doesn't like her hair cut
Blazing88 · 10/05/2015 10:24

Is there a celeb who has this cut? (thinking Frankie from the Saturdays? Is it that type of cut?)

Get a picture off pinterest. Lots of pictures. Of gorgeous looking girls with exactly this cut!

Show them to her. Let her browse. Let her realise that she is bang on trend :D

DicteSvendsen · 10/05/2015 10:24

ps, my dd wore her hood up for weeks. even to family's huses. And at school, the teachers loved her hair, the final nail in the coffin i think!

DicteSvendsen · 10/05/2015 10:28

oh boy, I told my daughter the same thing, that although she privately hated it, go in to school and act like she loved it, and ACT like the girl who was brave enough to go from long to short. She just grizzled at me. I also used the cancer comparison, not immediately but after a fortnight of it I did think, omg, I flip, there are children hooked up to chemo IVs and they remain cheerful.

ElmaFudd · 10/05/2015 10:35

Maybe bring her back to the hairdresser for a "repair job"? Many hairdressers are ok to fix a cut if the customer isn't happy (mine did it for free) and the chance for her to talk to the stylist about what she doesn't like and what can realistically be done to change the look might help her feel more accepting of this change.

Dumbledoresgirl · 10/05/2015 10:35

My dd had a similar cut a couple of months ago but she loved it although the hairdresser didn't cut it short enough for her. The hairdresser was very reluctant to cut it at all (despite constant reassurance from dd and myself that this was what she had wanted for months) and even when it was finished said dd could come back at any time in the next few weeks for a free re-cut if it turned out not to be what she wanted. She then rang me a few days after the cut to check that dd was still happy and all was going well (she was, it was).

If I had seen this thread yesterday, I would have suggested you take your dd back to where she had it done and get them to re-do it if possible.

I have to confess I would be pretty low in sympathy after an entire weekend of crying and drama. How long did she think it through before getting this cut?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/05/2015 10:39

I really disagree with ringing her friend without ds knowing- that could potentially make it all even more of a drama than it already is.

I think if this is still going on this morning then all talk of hair needs to be ignored and just get on with your day. She needs to gently get a grip which is really hard for any teen.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 10/05/2015 10:44

She's been asking for 9 months -this was not a spur of the moment thing

I've just been through her Internet history and its full of 'how do I make my hair grow faster' and 'I hate my hair, what do I do'

OP posts:
CamelHump · 10/05/2015 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 10/05/2015 10:51

Because I do go through my children's Internet history periodically to keep an eye on what they are up to online

I thought most parents did?

OP posts:
CamelHump · 10/05/2015 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 10/05/2015 11:00

I was just commenting about the Internet history to show its not a case of histrionics for my benefit

I am worried because previously she's missed school due to migraines, stomach upsets etc which turned out to be anxiety related

I don't want her to miss school because of this

She's had no comment from me since yesterday, and I won't be bringing it up today

But if she wants food shopping, she can come with me

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/05/2015 11:18

She will only miss school if you allow her to. I search my ds's history too btw, I think you should as a parent but there's nothing there that you don't already know so I don't think that is anything to worry about. Keep repeating to her that it will grow soon enough and leave it at that.

Bloody teens, the row ds and I have just had over spilt hot chocolate in his room from FOUR days ago. Apparently my fault for buying a clear waste bin ( that's where all the hot choc ended up!) somehow if I'd bought one in a darker colour it wouldn't have showed and 'IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT MUM!!!!'

Yes dearHmm

DicteSvendsen · 10/05/2015 11:43

oh my DD did that!! google searches for I hate my hair and "I hate my mum". I know it's shocking OP, that they can allow themselves to sink so low over a hair cut. It is worrying. Not so much the drama but the realisation that they'e so fragile!! Or, even if it's not fragility, the realisation that they can't deal with even the most trivial sling or arrow (so to speak).

PacificDogwood · 10/05/2015 11:50

Sounds like she has a history of anxiety and linked school refusal - how hard for you all Thanks

I still stand by you staying calm but firm and that you won't contemplate avoiding school because of this hair cut.

Avoidance behaviour if allowed to escalate will make things worse.
Courage is being scared of something and doing it anyway - you could try a variation of this old chestnut and keep repeating versions of it.
Don't let tomorrow morning become a big deal - it is a given that she is going to school. Now, what can she think of that will make that easier? A hairband? Kirby grips? Hoodie? Head held high and 'fake it until you make it'? And then fake it some more until you believe it? Wink
Let her come up with solutions - every time she say 'I hate my hair and I cannot possibly go to school like this', you say 'Well, you are going to school, so how are we going to manage that?'.

Other than that, ignore.

Not for a minute did I think that she was putting her distress on for your benefit. She is genuinely upset, but in a teenage, blowing-it-out-of-all-proportion kind of way, hence the internet searches. Ignore.

DicteSvendsen · 10/05/2015 11:58

My dd didn't want people to laugh at her. I told her they would only laugh at her or pity her if she was feeling sorry for herself.

I asked my daughter if she wanted people at school to pity her. Obviously the answer was no. So I persuaded her to try and pretend that she was happy with her hair so that "people wouldn't pity her". I don't think she managed it 100% but she tried.

You should see how long her hair has grown in 11 months OP. She hasn't gone to the hairdressers since that (for her) disastrous day in June last year. Just shows, the way to let your hair grow is not to have the occasional trim. I can't believe that short hair cut was only 11 months ago.

Cocolepew · 10/05/2015 12:29

Tbh most people don't notice straight away. Probably only her friends. I change my hair a lot and went from dark to platinum. Months later people in work were only catching on.

Cocolepew · 10/05/2015 12:30

I look at DD2s phone as well btw.

Original poster
18yearstooold · 10/05/2015 15:46

We've been out, have cherry red hair dye and half a smile

OP posts:
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