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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old daughter experimenting with sex

183 replies

trace2274 · 13/05/2014 07:40

Im a single mum and my 16 yr old daughter and I have always been good friends until recently. She has met a 18 yr old boy from the same school, and doesnt seem to want to confide in me anymore. I used to trust my daughter completey, but have recently lost faith in her as I discovered recent internet searchs in anal sex and sexual parasites. She is in the middle of her GCSE's at the minute and dont want to cause her stress, but I feel that I cant allow her to behave in this manner, but I am at a loss as in how to speak to her and raise the subject. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
whatchatalkinboutwillis · 13/05/2014 07:43

She's 16, she's allowed to have sex. If she's doing her gcse's then you talking to her about it will no doubt embarrass her and stress her out, it won't help her. Leave it until she's finished her exams if you really want to talk to her.

AnyFucker · 13/05/2014 07:46

This is the second thread I have read in the space of a few minutes that makes me feel a bit unclean

usuallysuspect · 13/05/2014 07:46

Behave in what manner?

usuallysuspect · 13/05/2014 07:47

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TheNightIsDark · 13/05/2014 07:49

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KleineDracheKokosnuss · 13/05/2014 07:50

16 year olds are allowed to have sex. No reason for a loss of trust unless she is acting in some way illegally. She's an autonomous human being.

Anyway maybe she is just curious - perhaps she's read 'and the band played on' and wants to know more.

Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 07:55

So Am I supposed to let my daughter catch a disease without talking to her, or if she has already caught something just let her get on with it and not help her?

OP posts:
Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 07:59

I realise that she is legally allowed to have sex, but as a parent, doesnt make it any easier to deal with, surely as her mother and while she lives under my roof, I should be able to have some control over the situation?

OP posts:
whatchatalkinboutwillis · 13/05/2014 08:01

What makes you think she isn't using condoms? By 16 she'll have had enough talks in school to be knowledgable about the risks of unprotected sex.

Atbeckandcall · 13/05/2014 08:03

You have a right to say what goes on in your house, but no longer what she does with her own body or with whom.

TheNightIsDark · 13/05/2014 08:07

Plus side- she can't get pregnant from anal.

I really have no clue if you're real or not.

Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 08:11

Yes ,she is aware of protection, and im sure she has had talks in school.She has always been very studious, and interested in her education, since she met this boy, she is skipping school and very lackadaisical about her education.She has only kbown this boy for a matter of weeks and never has a boyfriend before this, I know this because we were extremely close up until that point. I am also worried about her reputation and wether or not this boy is pressurung her.

OP posts:
Atbeckandcall · 13/05/2014 08:13

I'm assuming if she's 16 she's on block release and only going in for exams? How is she missing school.

Like Anyfucker said, odd threads this am?!

AnyFucker · 13/05/2014 08:16

GCSE study leave must have kicked in this week

Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 08:16

Yes, this is a genuine worry and concern. From a genuinely worried and concerned parent. I wouldnt have searched for help and found this site otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 08:20

Yes she officially left school on Thursday last week, but up until then she was skipping more and more of school, to the point where I had a telephone call from the school

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 13/05/2014 08:27

Did somebody call?...

Op,you don't even know she's having sex.Yet you've decided she's doing all sorts,unprotected and will get a reputation.

All from what has been searched on the internet (check,maybe it was your hubby...).People don't only search for things they've done on the internet you know!!!!!

Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 08:51

Yes, I had a fone call from her school about her attendance. Yes, I dont know exactly what is going on, but dont know how to talk to her. I never would've believed she could behave like this, finding this out has shocked me to the core. She has always been a well behaved girl and didnt seem as grown up as this. Maybe I just dont want her tovgrow up too quickly

OP posts:
Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 08:54

Also I am a single mother as I mentioned before, I dont have a partner and my daughter and I live alone, so no one else uses the computer.

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 13/05/2014 08:56

Ahh that will be it AF was wondering if it was a mass inset day or something

Nousernameforme · 13/05/2014 08:57

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Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 09:04

I apologize for using the abbreviated word for telephone. Incidentally I started this thread for helpful advice on the problem I mentioned, not to have my grammer corrected. :@

OP posts:
TinyDiamond · 13/05/2014 09:19

She is old enough. Just be there for her. If you react like this and try and stop her then she will distance herself further. Yes, the school skipping is an issue but you can't do much about the sexual activity. Plus you should be pleased that she IS doi g some research about things. You don-t sound v. approachable so maybe she feels like she cannot ask you intimate questions.

Original poster
trace2274 · 13/05/2014 09:32

Thankyou for all your replys, but I have just had a telephone call with my GP and voiced my concerns. The sexual activity generally wouldnt be a problem, but the nature of the activity most certainly is, considering her age, and for having a first time, recent, boyfriend. There are medical issues here as well as moral issues, and I am sure you will all agree that I wouldnt be a very good parent if I didnt have concerns for her health and wellbeing.

OP posts:
Selks · 13/05/2014 09:35

Just because she is searching for and finding out things doesn't mean she is doing them. She may just be curious and informing herself. At 16 she's bound to be thinking about sex and what she may or may not want.
There's nothing that you've said so far that points to any particular concern.

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