16 year old daughter experimenting with sex

[trace2274]

Im a single mum and my 16 yr old daughter and I have always been good friends until recently. She has met a 18 yr old boy from the same school, and doesnt seem to want to confide in me anymore. I used to trust my daughter completey, but have recently lost faith in her as I discovered recent internet searchs in anal sex and sexual parasites. She is in the middle of her GCSE's at the minute and dont want to cause her stress, but I feel that I cant allow her to behave in this manner, but I am at a loss as in how to speak to her and raise the subject. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[trace2274]

When I posted my dilemma on mumsnet, I was feeling very low and lost. I was looking for help and advice, but all I got was accusatory, negative responses ( apart from a few, and you know who you are) accusing me of being judgemental, and prudish, and basically telling me that I should allow my teenage daughter to experiment and engage in all sorts of sexual acts, and not only should I allow it, but there was nothing I could do about it!
Since then, ( im so sorry I even used this site) I did some digging, and have discovered numerous press articles ( badly) condemning this site. If in doubt please check out The Independent for the review onMumsnet therefore I would please encourage, any genuine mother, with a genuine concern, to steer clear away from here, as more often than not, you will leave it feeling not only discouraged, but depressed, ill- informed, and very doubtful ( some of these people actually have a cheek to call themselves parents) . I was shocked to the core with some of the so~ called advice I was givin.

[TheTerribleBaroness]

No, Mumsnet used to be a fantastic site. Then there was the PenisBeaker debacle which went viral and attracted trolls and dickheads, and bullying egomaniacs. There's still some genuine posters left but you just have to know where to find them. :(

[MirandaWest]

I think this thread gave some good advice. Maybe not always what people want to hear but that doesn't stop it being good.

And in the 10 years I've been here people are always saying Mumsnet used to be better in the old days...

[TinyDiamond]

Just because you don't like what the majority of posters are telling you doesn't mean the site is rubbish though. It tends to be quite a liberal place, maybe not the place for you but there are other forums to try.

[Atbeckandcall]

"Any genuine mother with genuine concern should steer clear of this site."

Unfortunately this is a liberal site and maybe you should have done your research before choosing a forum to aid you in your dilemma.

Highly judgemental of you though to conclude that those of us who do use this site aren't genuine mothers.

Also Crayola was trying to help you by putting a young person's head on your point of view so you can try to understand how your dd sees the world. She was neither rude to you or judgemental. And so what if she doesn't have a teenager herself, doesn't mean her comment should be invalid. I wonder if anyone's comments you did agree with have teenagers? Does that mean they aren't qualified too?

You weren't nice to her and that makes me think you aren't a nice "genuine" person.

I'm very much expecting that you'll come back and try to shoot me down. But I'm rather hoping that I've managed to stick up for this site and the users of it. Of course it has flaws but actually I've found it very helpful at times.

So, thank you MN

[trace2274]

Yes, the posters I did agree with openly said they has teenage children.

[trace2274]

Also as I am aware, this site is called mumsnet for mums by mums. If I had wanted a teenagers pov I wouldve went to a different site. I wanted opinions from mothers of teenagers, not uber liberal twenty somethings, who have an opinion on everything.Who shouldnt be giving their opinions unless they actually know what they are talking about. Im guessing that most of the posters who said my daughter was allowed to do what she wanted with her body and there was nothing I can do about it, falls within that category. If that makes me judgemental? Then so be it!

[Atbeckandcall]

Do all those that can't have children need to fuck off as well?

[Atbeckandcall]

Or those ttc? Or those who have been left bereft because their child has passed away? Are they not valid either? Jeez.

[trace2274]

To abbreviate, if you havnt been through the experience, how could you possibly know what you are talking about, or be qualified if u like, to give advice?

[Atbeckandcall]

Well I haven't run someone over either, but I know I wouldn't like it.

[Atbeckandcall]

And I do have experience of teenagers. I. Used. To. Be. One.

[Selks]

Well I'm far from a teenager, I'm a mother, and my view point differed from what you wanted to hear OP, so you didn't like it.
You don't know who is posting on here, so don't talk rubbish.
This thread did not give you what you wanted to hear, so you are unhappy. No need to lash out at people. I suggest you leave it now.

[Atbeckandcall]

Much more eloquently put than me Selks

[CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla]

i was literally trying to help. There are a lot of people on this site without DCs, and they give advice. I thought I'd give my opinion on the fact that it's normal and she's not doing anything wrong. I was trying to be nice, but I'm well aware that on mumsnet you need to be careful about upsetting people. You asked for people's opinions and you got them!!

[MewlingQuim]

The thing I love about MN is that I can also learn how not to parent my DD

[Atbeckandcall]

Crayola, you have every right to say what you think. Your opinion is just as valid as someone with 100 teenagers. I expect anyone with a teenager son has been discredited by the OP too.

I'm quite appalled that the OP shot you down quite as rudely as she did, probably because she thinks you have the morals of an alley cat (I don't think you do and couldn't give a flying fuck if you did btw, I'm actually rather jealous ).

[TinyDiamond]

Hmmm well. I was a teenage girl myself once and my Mum was a bit mental. As a result we no longer have any relationship left.

I also work with 16 year old girls every single day. Additionally I am researching parenting teenagers toward my PhD thesis. So...

If you are looking for opinions only from certain people who you deem 'qualified' enough to speak to you (who by the way are still not guaranteed to AGREE with you) then it would be a good idea to state that in your OP. Don't expect to get much response though to such close minded rudeness.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

This OP is an exemplary demonstration of the subset of the population who think that not agreeing with everything they say or think is the same as being nasty bullies.

[gamerchick]

I have a late teens daughter does that make me qualified?

What you have to understand the is once they start having sex you can't make them stop. YOUR job as a mother is to make sure they have the tools available so they are safe. Whether that be condoms, a good ear if they need to talk and so on.

You should be confident that you've guided your daughter well enough to trust her to make her own choices and learn from her own mistakes.

If you go all gung Ho on a teenager.. spying on her life all you'll get is rebellion and the flicking of the Vs.

Don't you trust your own parenting to be able to take a step back and let your daughter to find her . own way in the world?

[CalamitouslyWrong]

To be considered qualified to comment, you also have to also think that sex is implicitly wrong, presumably unless you are married, doing it purely for procreating and (crucially) it's 5 minutes of missionary position with the lights off before you retire to your individual single beds.