Partners kids are jealous of our kids

[Mummy98736362]

So my partner had 2 kids with ex wife. She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child) he’s finally able to see them again but the ex wife keeps telling my partner not to bring our kids because his other 2 kids get jealous they are not spending time with their father. This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work. I just don’t know how to feel about this? I feel it’s unfair and she’s not being very thoughtful about my kids who by the way want to go and see their other siblings. What’s your view on this? What do I do?

If he's not seen them regularly in 6 years then he needs to spend time rebuilding the relationship and seeing them alone. Then gradually build up time with his younger kids even then have a mix of seeing them with and without.

Well I can see her point a bit that when he sees his older children having younger ones in tow is going to affect how much quality time he has with them?

agree with @negomi90 he needs to build his relationship with the older kids only for now

Yep agree with above he really needs to be committing time to rebuilding his relationship with his children first.

She is right though. And not her or her kids problem about your work schedule.

I think it's pretty rich that a women who stopped her children seeing there father at all is now dictating to him how he does it!

Your partner needs to work out a fair schedule if he’s going to see his other DC alone. He can’t just run off to fully concentrate on them, leaving you with your DC the rest of the time.

I agree that he needs to commit to seeing them alone but it also needs to work for me and my kids! I have worked full time for years. He knows that on the specific day she wants him to see the kids that I work and he’s watching our kids. So please before who ever said something about my work read again. People have responsibilities and commitments.

How old are the eldest ones and how long is he spending with them? Assume he's going to his ex's to see them?

This is the best answer. I agree 100% it’s not her at all. My partner is the one who needs to handle the situation better and not let it affect me.

They are 12 and 16

If he doesn’t see them much then he should mostly see them alone. Your shares children have their father to themselves 95% of the week surely?

The thing is she controls the time he sees them, the place. He doesn’t have much control over the situation. It’s a little bit frustrating

But she was the one who didn’t let them see their father for six years when he had a new family.

Why didn’t he get a custody agreement? 6 years is a long time to just accept not seeing your children. While presumably going on to have two new children during that time.

Why didn't he go to court and fight for an order to see his kids?

I told him many times to do that but he didn’t want to take it to court. I tried to insist a couple of times but at the end of the day it’s not my kids and I can’t force another human to do something that they are not willing

He needs to see his kids, even if that's inconvenient for you. All his kids deserve an equal amount of his attention. He lives with your kids, his other kids absolutely need some uninterrupted time with him as well.

The only chance your kids have at a meaningful, lasting relationship with their siblings is if your husband is first able to build back that relationship with them himself.

It doesn't matter which adult is "at fault" here. All that matters is that all his children get a chance to spend quality time with their father.

She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child)

what a pathetic man
shudder

i know he needs to see his kids, I’m not getting in the way nor would I ever do that. I’m just saying I have days off during the week where I could stay with our kids and he could go and see them alone and spend as much time as wanted with them however she always insists on the day I’m working and she wants him to leave my kids with other people. I don’t think that’s fair on her side, I’m not being selfish but I also don’t want my husband to have to Inconvenience other people EVERY time.

I can’t imagine being with a man so…. Utterly pathetic and such a shit and absent father

brace yourself for the future op

Let him have the time with his dc alone

It sounds more like an inconvenience issue for you, but that shouldn’t take priority over them

How old are your children with this spineless crap man?

You chose to have another child with a man who repeatedly told you he couldn’t really be arsed to see his other children? For 6 years? Strange.
Let me guess other than the fact that he’s an absent father and doesn’t place his children as important in his life he’s somehow a really good man?