Partners kids are jealous of our kids

[Mummy98736362]

So my partner had 2 kids with ex wife. She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child) he’s finally able to see them again but the ex wife keeps telling my partner not to bring our kids because his other 2 kids get jealous they are not spending time with their father. This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work. I just don’t know how to feel about this? I feel it’s unfair and she’s not being very thoughtful about my kids who by the way want to go and see their other siblings. What’s your view on this? What do I do?

Your husband sounds like a total jackass. I was on a date a while ago and he told me that he didn’t see his adult kids as his ex-wife had ‘poisoned them against me’. I finished my drink and left. No time for that kind of man. But we all have different standards, I suppose.

There might be certain circumstances where there is truth in this . It’s not always straightforward..

So he wasn't prepared to try and see them even if was difficult?

Sorry OP - your cosy family life has just had a reality check.

Irrespective of why the mother stopped the contact - you are both going to have to work this out and yes it is goig to inconvenience you both. Gues what the DM does not want her DCS to have a day off school to see their F - it just happens to be on the weekend - with school age kids that is not being difficult or dictatorial that is life.

Sounds like none of the adults in this scenario have ever thought properly about the elder DC - DF and DM being the main issue and now you having a tantrum about therm being in their Fs life on your family's terms.

My sisters friend has three kids. Her abusive ex has poisoned two of them against her by telling outright lies about her. She’s devastated and has never done anything wrong. You can’t just assume that this stuff never happens because it does.

I am well aware that shady shit goes on all the time, especially with such high emotions involved. But I think a decent man could at least attempt to address it and not just not bother. The man I met had adult children so it’s not like they were shielded from him. I just thought I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even get on with his own kids.

ALso, the situation you describe sounds so removed from you that you can’t know all the details.

Yes so far removed from me when it’s someone who went to my school, has been friends with my sister for 30 years and who I see regularly.
Anyway up to you who you date but poisoning children against the other parent is a well known tactic that abusive people use.

Yes - this definitely happens. Someone I know well had this happen in their family.

What the two older kids have endured with an absent dad for 6 crucial years is way beyond “annoying”, “unfair,” and “not thoughtful.” It was waaaay beyond annoying, thoughtless, and unfair no matter who is to blame, for them to be kept away or not sought after for this long. They need to see their dad alone to try and build a solid relationship that is focused on them during their Dad time. Not with two other kids underfoot, talking right away about second-family stuff they have missed out on, making them feel further outside, and dividing his attention (which sends a pretty sad message after all this time apart). Surely you don’t begrudge these kids having some of his undivided time? You and the dad can fix this up however you want, but it seems the best option is that he sorts and pays for childcare, if you are suffering “annoyance” at having to spend time inconveniently with your own kids.

So the ex is a shit mum from stopping him seeing his kids and he's a shit dad because he chose to do absolutely nothing to fight for them. He's now living under his ex's thumb and having her dictate if, when, where he can see his kids. She is quite clearly a controlling arsehole but he's allowed her to be and continues to allow her to control him.

At their ages there's no point in court now. He should have gone to court straight away when she stopped access and he would have had regular contact with his kids that wasn't dictated by his ex.

I have a large age gap between my eldest and youngest DCs, I try and carve out time to spend with them on an individual basis as there are things you can do with older children that aren't suited to the younger ones. There is an even bigger age gap between your husbands children so he does need to spend decent time with them, especially as he hasn't seen them in so long. Given he didn't take action to see his children he needs to make it up to them. No 12 and 16 year old want to spend time with very young children they do not know.

This isn't your problem, if your working he either sorts alternate childcare or takes the kids. His choice.

I can not understand the attraction of a man who didn't try to see his kids for 6 years. That's a pretty low bar.

I can’t believe the amount of people saying OP should put up with the ‘inconvenience’!! She is WORKING?! Not on a spa day?! 😂 mental!

I dont think op should be the one to be inconvenienced..she should continue to go to work as normal and let him deal with this

I do think that the dad needs to sort this out for the time being so if that involves family or friends babysitting or paying for childcare (eg through an agency) for a few weeks until his older children feel comfortable with the set up, then he should do that.

He has a lot of making up to do with his older children...the story they have gathered for 6 years is "your dad isnt bothered about you and has a new family" and that has been backed up by him not doing anything to legally facilitate contact so he needs to try and repair some damage if he wants any hope of a relationship with them. Going on contact with his younger children in tow, when the older kids have expressed they are not comfortable with this is not the way to go at the moment .

Tbh anyone who happily has children with a man who hasn’t bothered with the ones he already has for 6 years gets no sympathy from me.