Partners kids are jealous of our kids

[Mummy98736362]

So my partner had 2 kids with ex wife. She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child) he’s finally able to see them again but the ex wife keeps telling my partner not to bring our kids because his other 2 kids get jealous they are not spending time with their father. This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work. I just don’t know how to feel about this? I feel it’s unfair and she’s not being very thoughtful about my kids who by the way want to go and see their other siblings. What’s your view on this? What do I do?

I was thinking this..its far more logical then potentially losing the job or dropping income..
If a step parent came on here to say they had to drop a day of work or quit their job because it wasn't flexible they'd be slaughtered for not providing for the children they chose to have 😂 nurseries are not open on a weekend. A regular babysitter every week will cost a lot, when it can easily be remedied without a big financial hit. Do a Sunday instead of Saturday..simples..

The comment it's not the ex problem she works...
It's not the OP problem either that only one specific day out of seven is chosen..

Thats so frustrating!

Is there a sensible reason times are restricted? Busy after-school schedules/weekend sports? My ex has turned up randomly and expect kids to change their plans for him. They didn't want to. He acted like I was stopping kids from spending time with him (not saying that's the situation here)

Perhaps you and your partner could look at your calender between now and half term (or as far ahead as you know shifts) and write down when he could reasonably see his older kids alone - around both of your work hours but he may need to give up an evening at the gym or even days where it just your wee family together to make it happen. Last bit will be hard but sounds like it's going to be a lot of effort to even vaguely make up for lost time. Is he close enough (distance-wise) to pop over after your little kids go to bed? Can he pick them up from school one day a week, hang out for an hour and then drop them home? If he works weekends can he book one off once in a while? Or over half term? And add a few times when he can see them but the younger ones will be there too and present all these options to the older kids. They can cross off any that clash with their regular activities/commitments and then there is hopefully a few dates that will suit well.

If not he might need to look at childcare options for your two. I need to sort childcare when my older child has something that needs me and my younger two can't join us, so not much different in this situation.
Try your best to put the ex's behaviour into the background and focus on those two kids, already at a tricky time in their life and who needs their dad to show them they mean enough to them he will go the extra mile. I think if he doesn't step up now, he'll lose his chance.

The only people that matter here are the 2 older children who will no doubt have been scared by this shit show.

The only people that matter? So the other two kids who now presumably have to be shipped off to childcare every single weekend day now, don’t matter at all?

It’s up to your parter to find a balance, OP.

Well he tells the ex, either move the day I see them and I'll come alone, but if it's x day I'll have the other kids. Her choice.

If you (as a couple) don't agree with the arrangements his ex is making for him to see the children, the only way to fix it is to go to court and get a CAO.

He didn't see his kids for 6 years
She will only let him have them when you're at work
You had more children with him

All of the "adults" in this situation are to blame for letting things get to this stage and the children who are suffering

What is the day that she wants him to see them alone op?

Because if it's a weekend day, then surely that's reasonable.

My 16 yr old is gcse year, she doesn't really have time in the week to spend ages building bridges with absent parents.

She would only be able to on a weekend day.

Him not seeing thrm for 6 years is really really bad, and that's on him and his laziness. He does need to make it up to them now, in a way that suits them, even if it is an inconvenience to your family.

He needs to wother go through official channels to get an agreement in place so ex can't just announce the day, have a conversation with the ex, agree with thw kids directly since they're old enough and agree on the day when he can see the kids without the younger ones or be the one to sort out childcare.

But OP didn't ask why he can't see them on the other weekend day, she asked why he can't see them during the week, implying she works all weekend.

If she works both Saturday and Sunday then either her husband will have to arrange childcare on the one day he sees his other kids, or she will have to change her working hours.

Completely agree but these posts never go well because they attract lots of bitter ex wives.

Would love to hear the the ex wife’s story. I find it hard to believe that any single mother wouldn’t enjoy the break allow the children to see their father unless there was safeguarding concerns. Ds2 dad likes to tell people I stop him from seeing his son. In reality he’s always been welcomed to be in his life and have contact but disappeared months ago and hasn’t asked about his ds since. Does you partner pay maintenance?

Also why did he not take her to court in 6 years (£255 and he could have easily self represented himself to avoid paying extra)? If an ex was stopping me seeing my kids I would create merry hell.

I agree he needs to see the kids alone. If that messes with your work schedule then tough luck. You will need to find alternative childcare, which is what I imagine his ex partner has had to do for their children for the last 6 years.

Because clearly he is a top individual! Our top person (c)!

Lol

If he had continued to see his children then yes, it would be completely normal for him to have all of his children at the same time. However 6 years with no contact is not normal. The younger one must have only been 6 years old when they last saw him.

You both need to find alternative childcare for your other children whilst he builds a relationship with his older children.

I also think it’s odd that his ex stopped him from seeing the children and he just sat back and accepted it for 6 years…. I would imagine that her and the children may have a different interpretation of events…

Given the ages of the kids, going to court this late in the game would be pointless. They are at an age now when they can do as they please and given that he’s made zero effort to get an arrangement in place since he last saw them when they were 10 and 6 it’s very unlikely that they would want to spend any considerable time with the dad who missed pretty much all of their most formative years. I think he will, for now, just accept that weekends (I’m guessing that’s what we’re talking about) is the time that he can see them and just make it work. If they manage to form some kind of relationship there will come a time when all his kids can spend time together but for now he should absolutely prioritise giving his first kids a day per week of undivided attention. There is probably a reason (such as hobbies/tutoring/part-time work for the oldest etc) that day works best for the kids.

That sounds very bad- Most decent dads would be desperate to see their first born children.
Poor kids.
Mothers should definitely not stand in the way of a dad seeing his children- after such a long break ( missing from half their lives, almost) a relationship with them will definitely need time alone just with them and their dad.

How? They're 12 and 16?

How hard did your DP fight to see them? No woman should weaponise their children, but all too often it suits the father down to the ground and they're only prepared to bother seeing their kids if it's low effort and organised by the original mother.

All these multiple and scattered families are fucking up kids and society.

Arh, just seen that he made no effort at all. Suprise, surprise.

I never buy the whole “my ex won’t let me see the kids” thing. If he was that bothered, he would have fought for custody. His children probably hold resentment because they see their dad’s lack of effort. Especially if they’ve only heard their mum’s side of the story. Couple that with having a new family and it’s a shitshow for them.

Did you know all of this when you had children with him? If so, it was to be expected. It’s really not about what’s convenient for you.

So you expect his children to be happy that their father couldn’t be bothered to see them for six years and instead replaced them with a shiny new family.

Honestly people who go on to have more children when the ones already in the mix have been ditched are nothing but selfish, and I include the OP in that.

So seeing his kids affects your work schedule, well cry me a river. Should have thought of that before you were happy to support his not seeing them. I imagine it suited you just fine not having to be a step parent, and now the children are back on the scene, and moreover, are old enough to tell you exactly what they think.

Surely the older two are at school during the week?

You asked for opinions, people have given them.

People have responsibilities and commitments.

I totally agree. I don’t see what bigger responsibility or commitment there could possibly be than having children. He failed that for 6 years of their lives while looking after new ones in the meantime.

The title of your thread is very unpleasant and self-serving as well. Wanting to see their Dad alone under the circumstances does not make them ‘jealous people’, it makes them normal and human. Just a little detail you’ve included there that attempts to paint these children in an unfavourable light – bitter and lesser.

Poor kids. Understandable they want to see their dad alone, who they haven’t seen for 6 years. That is not on them, it’s on your partner.

Yes- the issue here is not the older children’s “jealousy” …