Partners kids are jealous of our kids

[Mummy98736362]

So my partner had 2 kids with ex wife. She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child) he’s finally able to see them again but the ex wife keeps telling my partner not to bring our kids because his other 2 kids get jealous they are not spending time with their father. This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work. I just don’t know how to feel about this? I feel it’s unfair and she’s not being very thoughtful about my kids who by the way want to go and see their other siblings. What’s your view on this? What do I do?

Well, school can. At 16 he will be in education or training. He also has commitments.

It is unreasonable that the older kids can not comprehend that their father needs to look after minor children sometimes.They need a reality check.Their young siblings are not bags of potatoes

Just when you think you’ve seen it all on here…

A 12 year old child is unreasonable for not comprehending adult problems and needs to give themself a reality check.

Fuck my fuckety fucking life. The well of human kindness has run dry.

OK, but they can’t then pretend they are pure victim.

You need to reword your post, he chose not to see his DC for 6 years so now needs to build a relationship with them. So because of their ages he needs to see them on weekends because they are in education through the week, but you work all weekend every weekend, is that the issue? Can he see the DC once you finish work in the evening?

I mean it’s pretty reasonable and likely that the kids the DH dumped 6 years ago are in fact jealous of their fathers new children who he does maintain a relationship with.

I must say though that I am always surprised that so many women rely on men that have a track record of abandoning and neglecting their own children for childcare.

So as always it's a useless father situation

He is absolutely wrong for not pushing to see them and he's wrong now for letting his ex dictate the terms.

I'm sorry, I don't know how you get him to change

I'm kind of horrified that your partner did nothing to try to see his 6yo and 10yo for 6 years. He's lucky the 16yo is even interested now. Tbh, at their current ages, he doesn't have many (if any) options. Contact will be on the children's terms now. If they want time alone with their father, that's that. If he's not willing to do that then he might just have to accept that it's too late to have a relationship with them. Which will be a shame for your children. But you can just explain to them that this is on their daddy.

He is willing to see them alone and rebuild the relationships.

Only if it doesn't clash with his partner and other children.

I have worked full time for years.

He's had other kids for years. In theory.

People have responsibilities and commitments

For some, only when it suits. E.g. your partner

He's got big bridges to build. Get him to pay for childcare for your two.

Your partner is the problem here not you, his children with you and certainty not his older children.
He failed to take any reasonable steps to ensure that he got regular access to his older children. That is on him and him alone. Most parents deprived of access to their children would fight tooth and nail to maintain relationships. He allowed his ex wife to block his access and he is still allowing her to dictate now. He is weak and you are enabling him by not calling him out. You are having work issues because of him and his lack of a backbone.

Right? She’s benefitted from him allocating zero resources to two of his children for the last 6 years. Not so much as a minute of any week for the last 312 weeks. Now he will see his children for a paltry 1 day out of 6, and that’s too much for OP. The inconvenience of it all. Your heart just breaks for these children. Imagine being surrounded by so many useless adults.

I'm sure both children have phones

Of course he does! But he can still make plans directly with his dad to see his dad.

I have teens this age and older ... you really can't stop them from seeing people they want to see and their school schedules/education schedules are there own to manage from Sixth Form level onwards to a large degree.

He’s willing to see them despite the clash? That’s the whole point of the thread.

Oh true. Then the OP can explain to her kids that the reason they don't have a relationship with their older siblings is because of her (if she forces him to look after their younger children on this one day). Sadly all of this could have been prevented if he'd just been more proactive about getting access to his children when the ex first stopped contact.

Im not shocked at all. It is often advice given to women struggling with arsehole ex‘s on relationship threads. Stop changing plans to suit them. Stick with the schedule. Make the child available but that‘s it. Dont provide the ex with the food, clothes, house so they have to do the actual parenting and they will soon get bored of it.

op hasnt said why he was stopped form seeing his children for 6 years, just that he was and really wasnt arsed about seeing them in that time.

6 years not seeing his kids why did he not take her to court?

Because he’s a shit father
the op apparently tried to encourage him to pursue through courts

what’s the mystery is why the OP decided to continue a relationship with let alone have children with someone who she knew wasnt seeing his children and didn’t seem remotely exercised about it

Apologies if it’s already been said but can you change one of your work days, so that you are actually at home for the kids on the day she is insisting on. Then just make sure she’s none the wiser, it isn’t her business anyway. She obviously wants to inconvenience you all so play her at her own game.

He didnt want to. Op tried to force him but he wasnt interested.

This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work.

In what way is it impacting your work? I would just be very clear to him that if he can’t come to an arrangement for a different day then he has to take responsibility for arranging alternative childcare for your shared children so it doesn’t impact you and you can go to work and come home as normal.
However for this to work there needs to be give and take from both sides, ex can’t have it all her way and you can’t have it all your way.

That makes this fathers actions even worse... knowing what a vile, manipulative and abusive woman his ex was bythe threats she was making to him, he wasnt willing to have the balls to try and act in the best interests of his child by fighting for her in court... instead he chose an easy life, walked away from his kid and left his poor child solely in her care without his protection or influence.

Yes the mother is shit for treating him and her child that way, but he is shit for not taking steps to protect his child

There is never an excuse for not fighting for your child.

I'm not entirely clear on what days are being talked about here. If it is a weekday that's proposed after school, it's not unreasonable to look at a different weekday after school, or a weekend day.
If, though, OP works on Saturdays but doesn't work Mon-Tues, that's different. 16 and 12 yr olds are at secondary, 16 yr old presumably either about to do GCSEs or first year A levels, and it being a weekend day is entirely reasonable, if they don't want to meet after school.
As for spending time with their Dad on their own - I'd have thought it was completely essential. He has some major work to do on the relationship with these two, and it's not going to be possible with two under 7s in tow. You can't possibly re-build a significant and meaningful parental relationship with 12 and 16 yr olds while hanging out at soft play or water parks with the infants.