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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Did this happen on its own?

398 replies

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:47

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Somerville · 18/01/2017 18:50

Two pre-teens sleep in the back lounge? Maybe it's a protest at not having a bedroom?

Or do they play fight (or really fight?) a lot? Could have happened unintentionally if so.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:54

I have three people in their late teens in the other rooms.

They wanted to sleep in the back room, for the first 6 years the kids took it in turns to give them their rooms but that is impossible now two of the other children are adults.

They are here twice a month so impossible to give them their own room - and even if it was a "protest" it's still not ok!

OP posts:

MycatsaPirate · 18/01/2017 18:54

Did he not even ask them what happened? I'd ask them separately so there is more likelihood of one of them fessing up or telling on the other.

I don't blame you for being pissed off. It's not the damage, it's the instant proclamation of 'Oh my kids would never so something like that'.

I don't think it matters which room they are in, the point is that damage has been done and op is meant to believe the curtain fairies damaged it or something because her DSC are so perfect they would never, ever do anything wrong.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:54

Yes they do play fight a lot but this loooks like someone has swung on it - which at their ages is not acceptable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:57

I have only noticed it today (they left on Sun) and he works away during my the week, we won't see them until next weekend - I have suggested asking them separately.

They have massive form for this type of thing but he defends them unless he has actual evidence and they lie and blame each other - but came down on my kids like a tonne of bricks when same age

OP posts:

Somerville · 18/01/2017 18:59

I'm not saying it's okay in that their father doesn't need to ask them. Clearly if they were in the room when it happened then they did it. But giving a bit of thought to whether it is more likely to have happened accidentally or really was wanton destruction will help guide their parent with how to tackle them on it.
Stuff does gets broken accidentally - I fell once and rescued myself by pulling on curtain. Tore the curtain and pulled pole out of wall.

WhippinPiccadilly1 · 18/01/2017 19:02

All my curtain poles have come down more than once over the years. I've had them professionally put back every time, and after a while, they just fall and crack the wall.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 19:03

They have massive form for wanton destruction (they are girls) and if it was an accident would have known they had done it and should have had the decency to fess up rather than just leave it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 19:04

It's not just come down - it's metal and has a massive curve in it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 19:08

It's bent at one end and the opposite end has popped out of the bracket as if giving way under some strain and the plaster the side of the bent end has cracked and cone away from the wall - it's def been "done" rather than magically happened.

OP posts:

Finola1step · 18/01/2017 19:12

Sounds like someone has pulled or swung on the curtain. Or hidden behind the curtain, got over excited, wrapped themselves in the curtain, pulled on it etc. This is what dd did to damage our curtain track.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 19:16

Yeah we are trying to get our house up together and that room was "done". It's a nice room and they like being in there - there is a TV and the corner suite is directly underneath the bent bit.

I just think they are too old for this - and it pisses me off that everything they are given gets trashed and they trash their own house (their mum rents - which might make a difference) and they won't be punished or made to pay for the damage (because they have no money of their own - we pay for their mobile phones).

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 11:21

It's a nice room and they like being in there - there is a TV and the corner suite is directly underneath the bent bit.

Dont they have beds?

Not surprised they broke it if you have spent money on new stuff for that room and kept it a longe and bought a corner suit instead of fucking beds! Poor kids.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 19/01/2017 11:38

No they don't have beds we make them sleep on the cold hard floor with no bedding

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 11:40

So in your back lounge you have a corner suit and 2 beds wow big room.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 19/01/2017 11:44

The back room which is our family room is turned into a bedroom for them (with beds and their own bedding which were bought for them) the 4 days a month (and during the school holidays) when they are with us.

The rest of the month and the three months year their dad is away and they don't see us it's s family room and no we did not buy new furniture it has good quality furniture in it I bought 11 years ago before I was with their dad but the room has been redecorated and replastered following a water leak/flood last year.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 19/01/2017 11:45

I am pretty sure not all people who have step kids have space to have a separate room in the house set aside to be used 4 days a month - not in the real world anyway.

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 11:49

Blimey so eow you build up and make 2 beds in the back lounge for them.....that's generous.

These poor girls are told every visit that they don't matter enough to have a room and private space of their own in dads house. Eow they are aware that the "family" room has to be converted for them as well they just don't spend enough time there for it to be their home. However your adult children all have private space and clearly matter more then the two children.

You do sound nasty and their dad sounds like a useless wimp. As for their mum there would be no chance I would allow my children to stay somewhere they are not welcome and where their father clearly does not give a shit.

SaltySalt · 19/01/2017 11:50

racoon what's with the questions? O.P where or what they sleep on\in is irrelevant. They still shouldn't be swinging on the curtains!

Philoslothy · 19/01/2017 11:50

they trash their own house (their mum rents - which might make a difference)

Yes because people who rent their houses trash their houses.

You have quite a negative attitude towards your step children

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 11:52

I think you'll find most DSC have a fucking bedroom even if they share with other children. They are not put up in the back lounge.

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 11:54

It's not irrelevant. Maybe if it was a proper bedroom then they would not have done it and even if they did it would be less costly as bedroom fittings can be cheaper that lounge fittings.
I can believe their father thinks it's appropriate and right that is children are treated like inconvenient guests.

Somerville · 19/01/2017 12:27

I agree with Racoon - your DP sounds like a complete tool.

Not only will he not deal with the fact his children have broken something but more seriously he can't or won't provide a suitable home for his children. Most parents wouldn't set up home with a new partner if it resulted in their children not having a bedroom.
It might be his guilt about that which stops him actually parenting them when they break stuff. Or it might be resentment that your adult children have bedrooms when his dependant children do not (though that responsibility is on him IMO). Or it might just be that he's lazy. Impossible to tell from this level of detail.

swingofthings · 19/01/2017 12:32

You remind me of my SM going berserk when I soiled my sheets when I first started my periods. Like your SCs I didn't owned up to it. Why? Because I was petrified of her angry reaction. Considering the tone of your post I expect your SCs feel just the same.

Children do stupid things and get told off by their parents for it but they normally put it down to kids being kids rather than a personal attack on them that justifies excessive show of anger and expectation of severe punishment.

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 12:39

God Swing thats awful.

But you know the OP bought them bedding oh and they pay for their mobile phones so they are good to them

Why mention the bedding and the phones? Bedding is something you bought for your own kids ffs its not a special treat same with the phones bet your precious darlings had them paid for by you.

You make out like these kids should be greatful you provide them with tbe basics! Their dad cant even provide them with a proper bedroom to sleep in.

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