Did this happen on its own?

[Crowdblundering]

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home

Some of the responses on this thread are fucking batshit!

Not a word about kids deliberately breaking things in their home, nope, it's solely down to the SM's refusal to buy a home with two extra bedrooms with magical extra pennies that fall from the sky.

I would have made the back room their permanent bedroom. They don't need a room each but they need a permanent room

Racoon

You are being ridiculously aggressive towards me.

I apologise if my post has stirred something up for you - you are spoiling for a fight which I did not come here for.

Not at all. I just hate the way some children are treated like second class citizens. They dont even deserve a bedroom ffs.

No what you came here for was to be told "oh yes your stepkids are awful, poor you".

Providing the children with a bedroom is DADS responsibility. Where on this thread has anyone said OP should move? Nowhere not 1 poster has said that.

Racoon - i stand by my comment, you have a warped idea of an uncaring parent. My point was that i would have been more than happy with this arrangement, nothing to do with how 'shit' he was. Your suggestion that the SC DM should have stopped contact over this is ridiculous

OP - again YADNBU. Ignore the GF/IPOAT

Thanks Martha

If my ex could not provide a room in 6 years for his children to sleep in then yes I would stop contact. The eldest is 12 she deserves some privacy, somewhere she can keep her things not shoved in the bloody family room.
Maybe if the girls had a room of their own they may treat it with respect as it is now they probably feel like an after thought.

Ha I'm a goady fucker because I believe children deserve better and a room and proper bed to sleep in. Ok then.
Martha you have a warped idea of what good parenting is.

Your dh needs to step up. In what world is it ok for anyone to break things deliberately, and just carry on regardless? Unless there is somewhere giving out free home furnishing and repair that I don't know about.

It's sounds like the op goes out of her way that the dc have space and a proper bed to sleep in. I'm sure nobody is using the room as a lounge while they are there. As long as they have space to keep their things that's their own and know that there is a place for them then what's the issue?

I meant to add, if something happened that meant the children had to live with their dad they do have room, the second lounge could easily be swapped to be their permanent room. It's not like they have three kids each in a two bed terrace!

lunar i quite agree - you have put it far more eloquently than me

indeed Lunar - if they did have 3 kids each in a 2 bed terrace then they would have to make the best of it. Believe it or not, outside of 'middle class' England, there are families who have to do so.

And the OP has said that they do have proper beds in there.

I would be angry if my 11 year old did that deliberately, I agree with you there.

She has some friends who are just destructive though. Whatever they seem to touch, it breaks. So mine might be unusual I suppose.

You at least deserve an explanation which I think your dh should be getting from them.

Just wondering op, it's your house? Not yours and your dp's? In that case it's down to him that his kids don't have a bedroom, if you lived in your house with your kids before you met him and he moved in without taking into account that there's no bedroom for his kids then that's his fault not yours. Anyway the issues is the damage and you are not wrong to be pissed off at his attitude to whether they might have done it, I would just ask them if I were you

Martha is completely right. For the four nights a month that they are there, they have a bedroom. You can't seriously be suggesting that OP should move to get another bedroom or two, or have a room out of action for the other 26 days in house with 5 nearly adults in it. I really think MN has gone batshit crazy. Sooo over the smug, up their arse posters. Growl.

Racoon id rather sound vile than like a bloody idiot.

Wow - I can't believe some of the replies on this thread!
Is it unreasonable that the OP's teenage step children have pulled curtains off the wall? Yes is is!
Is it unreasonable her DP won't deal with it? Yes it is!
The children have their own room (so it's a lounge, but when they stay it's their own room) for the 4 days a month they are there. Plenty of kids don't have their own bedrooms at their non residents parents house and cope with it just fine. Not everyone can afford to. I know some separated Dads who rent a room in a shared house as it's all they can afford. I know plenty of non resident parents who don't bother to see their kids at all (including my ex DP). So I don't think OP's step DC are hard done by at all!!

As for -
You remind me of my SM going berserk when I soiled my sheets when I first started my periods.
This is completely different!

It must be tough for the children only seeing their Dad for 4 days a month. I suspect the few of us would want that for our children

I know what you mean philoslothy but in my case i would have loved 4 days a month. Quite a few custody cases are agreed on that arrangement, i have seen it a lot (including on here).

VioletC - exactly

I wonder how many of you would be happy for your own children to go to dads house for 6 years and not have a proper bedroom just put up in the family room like temporary guests. It has nothing to do with being smug it is about giving children a right to a bedroom to sleep in. They are 10 and 12 so not teenagers Violet

It's ok for the OP to come on here slating mum about her rental house but you are not allowed to point out the faults at hers.
We have a dad that couldn't careless and a SM that instead of looking at the bigger picture is just happy to call these children destructive. Maybe they wouldn't be so destructive if they felt like the house was a home and they were welcome.

The OP would rather have TWO lounge areas than convert 1 in to a perm enact bedroom. Posters saying temporary kids don't need a bedroom well who the hell needs two lounges

I wonder how many of you would be happy for your own children to go to dads house for 6 years and not have a proper bedroom just put up in the family room like temporary guests. It has nothing to do with being smug it is about giving children a right to a bedroom to sleep in.

My parents split up when I was five. When I visited my Dad and StepMum over the next 12 years, I slept in their children's playroom on a campbed; my brother slept on a sofa in their study.

We didn't have bedrooms, we weren't there often enough to warrant separate rooms just for us. Didn't do us any harm. Everybody just made do.

I am sorry your family treated you and your brother that way Eggy. You deserved better.
As an adult I could not go to my bed knowing my children were sleeping on camp beds/sofas in the lounge. What kind of parent thinks so little of their child?

The is bonkers. Why would you deliberately have an empty room for the majority of the month? It's a bedroom when the step kids are there. Multi-functional rooms are a great use of space, and former stepchildren have confirmed it wasn't a problem for them. Why are people making this such an issue?