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Original poster

Did this happen on its own?

398 replies

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:47

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home AngrySad

OP posts:
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RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 14:55

Everybody just made do.

I am afraid only you and your brother made do. The rest of the house had comfy beds in their own rooms to sleep in. Nobody else made do just you and him.

Violetcharlotte · 19/01/2017 14:55

Raccoon this thread had obviously touched a sore spot with you.
In answer to your questions -
They are 10 and 12 so not teenagers Violet
Still old enough to know better!
I wonder how many of you would be happy for your own children to go to dads house for 6 years and not have a proper bedroom just put up in the family room like temporary guests.
I would be perfectly happy with this if it meant my DC's could spend time with their Dad. They have a room that is theirs while they are staying so have all the privacy they need.

The OP has 3 children and 2 step children - are you saying that every couple with resident and non resident children should have bedrooms for ALL the children? How could that ever work?

If I had a family room I wouldn't want to keep it for exclusive use of step DC who come 4 times a month. What a waste!

Violetcharlotte · 19/01/2017 14:58

I am sorry your family treated you and your brother that way Eggy. You deserved better.
As an adult I could not go to my bed knowing my children were sleeping on camp beds/sofas in the lounge. What kind of parent thinks so little of their child?

Sorry Racoon but this is bat shit crazy!!

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 19/01/2017 15:00

I have an adult step child too - so we squeezed him in as well - he still speak to us Smile

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 15:01

No sore point at all. My parents are still together and I am SM to 2 boys who I treat no different to DC. I just believe step children already have a difficult time of it so for them not to have a permanent space in the nrp house must add to it. There's nothing more telling to a child then the parent showing them they remove them entirely from the home the second contact is over. Why would anyone want to give that impression in beyond me.

All my dc share a bedroom but at least it is their room with their stuff in and is not turned back in to a "family" room for the permanent kids when the temporary ones leave. It sounds callous and uncaring to me.

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 15:03

Why is that batshit Violet?

I think children deserve a proper place to sleep and that makes me batshit? Ok well I would rather be crazy then treat children like they are disposable.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 19/01/2017 15:04

I think the fact their dad does about a 1200 mile round trip twice a month to see them tells them we love them.

They do have clothes and things of their own at ours and we have them half the school holidays.

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 15:08

It does no such thing.

Look daddy must love us he travels 1200 miles to see us......erm how about he is their father and he has a responsibility to parent his children!
You don't measure love by miles travelled or stuff bought ffs.

Scarydinosaurs · 19/01/2017 15:12

Raccoon, that just isn't possible in ever circumstance. OP's situation sounds pretty good IMO. Back lounge, beds in there, not the only family room downstairs so they have privacy...where is the problem?

What's important is that the OP says they chose it and they like it.

OP- ask them separately and ensure punishments are fair and seen through. Maybe now is the time they learnt the cost of polyfila and paint.

MycatsaPirate · 19/01/2017 15:16

racoon I think you've made your point, now please leave the op alone.

Op, I'd ignore raccon and don't worry about posting in this forum. SM's always get a bashing on here. Even from other SM's. Because some of them are so fucking perfect and you know, make sure their SDC have a whole house of their own to stay in every other weekend.

Just ignore, ignore, ignore.

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 15:23

You are being stupid now My at no point did I say DSC need the whole house Hmm

I really can't understand how believing children deserve a proper bedroom to sleep in is being perfect Confused

Nobody else in the house sleeps on a put up bed in another room. Everyone else has their own space.
I treat all my children fairly and I find it sad that these children are treated like guests. I maintain my original stance that their dad is shit.
Not an attractive trait in a man imo.

Violetcharlotte · 19/01/2017 15:29

OP I would just ignore Racoon, she's obviously got a knife to grind!

Hope you get to the bottom of who trashed your curtains!

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 15:34

Axe.
It's axe Violet

And no I have neither knife or axe to grind. As I say I just believe children deserve a proper place to sleep. Maybe if it felt more like home they would have more respect. Yes they should be punished but at the same time I think it is wrong to treat them like guests.
The OP can get daddy to pay for the repairs let's face it he has no other parental responsibilities.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 19/01/2017 15:55

This thread is nuts 😂

We have a 2 bedroom house and 2 children who live here permenantly I also have 2 step children who stay for half of school holidays not our choice we went to court to fight for more access but they live too far away to do weekends and mum fought for half the holidays so it's what dp was awarded before anyone starts saying how awful it is that dp doesn't see them more.

Dsd sleeps in the playroom on a sofa bed and dss sleeps on a sofa bed in the lounge, my children share a bedroom and dp and I have a room, it would be crazy for us to pay extra renting a bigger house when 1 room would only be used 7 weeks out of the whole year. Dsc are fine with this and certainly don't feel unwelcome.

Op ignore the weird replies you've had, your dh needs to deal with the destructive behaviour

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 16:02

I do wonder what kind of man goes on to have another family/more dc without making allowances space wise for his first DC? You women find these men attractive?

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 16:05

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Violetcharlotte · 19/01/2017 16:12

Oh for gods sake Racoon just do us all a favour and give it a rest!

You're clearly deluded! Most kids are perfectly happy to sleep on camp beds or whatever, they even find it fun as it's something different.

As long as they're staying in a house that clean and comfortable and full of love, then that's what's important. I don't think I've ever met an adult who would say their childhood was ruined because they had to sleep on a camp bed! Confused

MarthasHarbour · 19/01/2017 16:14

Racoon - I think you need to lie down in a darkened room with a cold flannel over your head before you spontaneously combust Hmm

civilfawlty · 19/01/2017 16:17

Raccoon, I recognise - in theory - there is a trade off between receiving child support from my dd's dad and his spare cash to pay extra rent for a spare room for her. As a - for a long time - skint single mum, I'd have made the trade.

(As it is he pays nothing and never sees or contacts her.)

No parent is perfect, but it seems to me that the OP is doing ok, and has a home which expands and contracts as the family comes and goes.

She is reasonably frustrated by her husbands lack of reasonable discipline for her step-children and their carelessness. Your correlation between a broken curtain pole and the childrens' feelings is possible, and perhaps worth exploring, but feels a stretch. Seems more likely to be horseplay.

civilfawlty · 19/01/2017 16:19

*loving home

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 16:21

No.

I will not be told to leave the thread by you lot. You can call me all the names you like batshit/crazy/deluded whatever, nice to take the piss out of mental health Hmm

I have a different opinion. Tough shit deal with it. It's the internet lots of differences of opinion. I have managed to refrain from calling you lot names especially those related to MH, you should be ashamed for yourselves nor am I demanding you leave the thread.
I believe children deserve a proper bedroom and I am entitled to say that and debate why.

civilfawlty · 19/01/2017 16:24

You are entitled to an opinion Racoon. You are not entitled to slate the OP so cruelly and viciously. Surely you must see that?

RacoonBandit · 19/01/2017 16:28

I have not slated the OP cruelly, read my posts. Dad is responsible for making sure he has space for his children. Where have I name called the OP? Blamed her? Can you find a post where I have?

It is me that has been slated and name called can you not see thatHmm

Violetcharlotte · 19/01/2017 16:28

Racoon you've been really rude and aggressive to the OP. That's why people are saying these things. Of course you're entitled to an opinion, but you're not willing to listen to reason or empathise with anyone else's situation.

LBOCS2 · 19/01/2017 16:30

It's an interesting indicator that everyone else on this thread is wrong and you are the lone, correct voice though, isn't it Raccoon?

OP, whether the room they were in was set up as a bedroom, the family living room, the cupboard under the stairs, or the garage, the point remains that your DSC should treat their home with respect. And there should be consequences for not doing so.