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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
papercutt · 24/02/2023 06:16

The title of this thread is probably attracting more creeps via search engines than the original one did🤔

Clymene · 24/02/2023 06:20

Thank you for explaining that so clearly.

I'm just baffled why a site which - because children are talked about a lot here - regularly attracts dodgy fetishists (nappy pervs and the like) seems to now be actively targeting paedophiles. It's just so naive.

That thread is awful.

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 24/02/2023 06:21

And of course it's now in active 🙄

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/02/2023 06:24

That's disturbing. I've hidden it so can't report it put hope it's pulled.

FebName · 24/02/2023 06:28

Well put OP

WombsofWimbledon · 24/02/2023 06:33

Ergh. The men on there stick out like a… oh never mind. I wonder what the point is at this stage. Money talks, obviously. Yuck.

SolitudeNotLoneliness · 24/02/2023 06:39

Op that is a brilliant post, thank you for raising it so eloquently.

Mumsnet is becoming the sports direct version of parenting sites, cheap content for easy clicks.

There are ample forums for discussions about sex, why is becoming such a prominent feature of this site?

Igmum · 24/02/2023 06:40

Well put OP

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 06:42

I’m ashamed to say I had no knowledge of the situations/CJ you describe OP, so it would never have occurred to me that predators will be rubbing their hands in glee.

Yesterday I was idly speculating mn is going to end up having a “punternet” style board which is revolting in itself - but what you describe is next-level.

I’ve hidden the boards because I am a toddler(yes someone said that to me), a prude, uptight etc etc. but now MN feels more and more grubby.

Given Justine is an extremely well-educated woman who’s campaigned for the rights of women for presumably since her college days - how the fuck has she done an about-turn and now takes cash for giggling about sex? 🤷‍♀️ Did her ex stiff her in the divorce settlement? Is she trying to prove to the new fella she’s a “cool girl”?

SlaveToTheVibe · 24/02/2023 06:49

Absolutely disgraceful.

Mumsnet, with such a high proportion of women having suffered sexual abuse at some point, why the heck do you have the dildo ads and a free for all mentally on the sec board. It is really stupid to have this policy on a site where women lean on each other for emotional support.

The fact that you’re now not caring about underage sex references is completely unacceptable.

it’s already really offensive to me tjhat every time I go on here, I get asked if I want a sex toy. No I fucking don’t. And can I point out that any nosy child is going to clock the clink. My nine year old would definitely. It’s all completely bad taste. Shame on you.

HaroldTheStallion · 24/02/2023 06:51

Thanks OP, it's concerning and I really don't understand why mumsnet is open for business to purves all of a sudden. People are saying money but how much money could there possibly be in putting the sex topic in Active? The sponsored post about needing a new toy for the bedroom obviously brings in money. But welcoming purves probably causes as many users to leave as it brings in new ones, and even if it doesn't how profitable would a bunch of purves be? Surely they would eventually drive away the more family-friendly advertisers also? I really don't understand it at all.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 24/02/2023 06:55

An extremely eloquent and informed argument for reverting to the original system.

I’ve been on here for nearly 20 years and accept the times & tone must change as the site grows, but @MNHQ, it really is time to admit you got this one wrong.

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 06:56

MN HQ will be along shortly to tell you to hide the thread.

They don’t care. In fact I think they are positively encouraging perverts to visit this site.

I actually find it disturbing that a parenting site is so inclusive of discussion of under age sex,, encouraging hookups etc, it makes me wonder whether MN is actually encouraging people to be groomed.

sashagabadon · 24/02/2023 06:57

Agree

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 07:01

*Given Justine is an extremely well-educated woman who’s campaigned for the rights of women for presumably since her college days - how the fuck has she done an about-turn and now takes cash for giggling about sex? 🤷‍♀️ Did her ex stiff her in the divorce settlement? Is she trying to prove to the new fella she’s a “cool girl”?

Well, given she was gloating in the press recently about how happy her kids are that she left her husband for another woman because they now get two Christmases I think it’s safe to say that priorities have changed somewhat over the years.

Oh but apparently it was the menopause what did it.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 24/02/2023 07:02

Thank you @BenCoopersSupportWren .

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 07:04

oh and just in case mn hq pop up and patronisingly tell us that they’ve deleted the thread and how this is all part of an ongoing discussion yada yada, it’s not good enough.

It doesn’t matter that the thread has now been deleted (assuming it does get deleted), what matters is that such threads are being encouraged in the first place.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 24/02/2023 07:04

I also agree that we will shortly be told to hide the board. Bizarre.

Is this really MN?

CharlotteOwlFace · 24/02/2023 07:05

You'll have one of the sex thread men along shortly to mansplain to you all about how you should calm down and just hide the thread

They're only swapping stories! Don't like it, don't look

Etc etc

It's just sickening really and MNHQ are just hoping that everyone will just shut up and stop cluttering up the boards with these silly complaints

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 07:09

I actually think that the only thing which will make any difference is if A, the tabloids get hold of the story that mn is essentially now being used as a platform for paedophiles and perverts to get their rocks off, and B, if we could have a mass de-registration, maybe an orchestrated one, to happen on a certain day at a certain time, but how you would manage that is a different matter.

Redebs · 24/02/2023 07:17

SlaveToTheVibe · 24/02/2023 06:49

Absolutely disgraceful.

Mumsnet, with such a high proportion of women having suffered sexual abuse at some point, why the heck do you have the dildo ads and a free for all mentally on the sec board. It is really stupid to have this policy on a site where women lean on each other for emotional support.

The fact that you’re now not caring about underage sex references is completely unacceptable.

it’s already really offensive to me tjhat every time I go on here, I get asked if I want a sex toy. No I fucking don’t. And can I point out that any nosy child is going to clock the clink. My nine year old would definitely. It’s all completely bad taste. Shame on you.

Definitely so

Igotjelly · 24/02/2023 07:17

@MNHQ will be along shortly to patronise us all and tell us to hide the board. Agree OP, as someone who has suffered CSA its absolutely atrocious that threads like that even have a place.

NotBasically · 24/02/2023 07:21

And while you're there don't forget to buy their sex toy.

Redebs · 24/02/2023 07:21

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 07:04

oh and just in case mn hq pop up and patronisingly tell us that they’ve deleted the thread and how this is all part of an ongoing discussion yada yada, it’s not good enough.

It doesn’t matter that the thread has now been deleted (assuming it does get deleted), what matters is that such threads are being encouraged in the first place.

And now that so many perverts have been attracted to Mumsnet, there are going to be more reading threads on other boards.
Anything from nappy rash, menstruation, or SA is fodder for their twisted imagination.

Dragonsandcats · 24/02/2023 07:21

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 24/02/2023 07:04

I also agree that we will shortly be told to hide the board. Bizarre.

Is this really MN?

Yes, agree with this.