Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
daretodenim · 24/02/2023 09:39

@BenCoopersSupportWren
TOTALLY with you on all your posts on this.

I'm absolutely disgusted. I want to believe it's naivety that has led to this situation but I simply cannot understand how MNHQ could actually be this naive, given the content on Mumsnet for years.

The 3 month pause before new posters can be on the sex board should be reintroduced, with any new members who've posted there since it was reduced to 7 days deleted and have to re-register, if they want.

Amarchhare · 24/02/2023 09:46

Couldn’t agree more. Well said.

ColadhSamh · 24/02/2023 09:46

Excellent @BenCoopersSupportWren What's disturbing about the thread being left for so long is that @mumsnet staff and moderators took no action until this discussion brought to their attention.

So many red flags which are being ignored.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 24/02/2023 10:04

Thank you for raising this. These threads will be triggering feelings by people who have been victims of SA. So MNs policy is to hide the Sex board, meaning that victims of SA can not ever approach it anonymously for support in the future if they need it, because to do so, they need to unhide everything and have all the threads in their face on active.

Moonicorn · 24/02/2023 10:06

I agree, I contributed to it without thinking and am surprised at myself I didn’t realise this.

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:11

As a CSA survivor I'm now feeling that I can't use MN as it's not a place that I feel safe or welcome anymore. The sneery attitudes of some posters on the sex board are the icing on the cake - basically if we don't like seeing threads about underage sex and 'pumping' their girlfriends we're prudes and it's an us problem.

Hiding threads or topics is not the answer - the content is still there, and so are the people it attracts. It taints the whole board.

Please @MNHQ can this go back to being a site where people like me do not feel belittled and unwelcome, while men discussing how to use sex toys on themselves do?

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:13

*taints the whole site

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:14

Also 💐 to others who have been triggered by this. MN don't seem to care but other survivors do.

Clymene · 24/02/2023 10:15

I'm really sorry you feel like that @SproutingAbout. It's really wrong that survivors of CSA don't feel this is a welcoming place anymore. It always has been.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 24/02/2023 10:15

I got an email from mumsnet about that thread. They have removed it because it 'was causing some upset' and some people have since regretted posting on it. Talk about minimising allowing a thread detailing having sex with a child to be allowed stand for hours and hours.

I would hope that both the person that started that thread and the poster that posted the grim post about sex with a child have been banned from using mumsnet in future?

AmberGer · 24/02/2023 10:21

MN are digging their own grave.
There will be consequences.
HQ don't care. They've shown that.

lummsnet · 24/02/2023 10:23

Where are MNHQ ?

Whinge · 24/02/2023 10:23

CrotchetyCrocheting · 24/02/2023 10:15

I got an email from mumsnet about that thread. They have removed it because it 'was causing some upset' and some people have since regretted posting on it. Talk about minimising allowing a thread detailing having sex with a child to be allowed stand for hours and hours.

I would hope that both the person that started that thread and the poster that posted the grim post about sex with a child have been banned from using mumsnet in future?

Wow and I thought they'd hit rock bottom with the hide the topic and we just wanted to try sex in active comments. Shock That's an awful response.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:24

AmberGer · 24/02/2023 10:21

MN are digging their own grave.
There will be consequences.
HQ don't care. They've shown that.

They will care when it hits the newspapers. And the courts.
Hosting child abuse material on your website is massively, massively illegal.

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 10:24

And where the fuck are MNHQ? Or are they just putting together their “believe us this has been a topic of conversation in the office” disingenuous “now do shut up “ line?

If I worked for them I would be looking for another job, because I would be so embarrassed to have my name associated with this reputation.

Has Justine actually sold MN and we are yet to discover it? Or perhaps she’d like to emerge from her bubble of love and justify why victims of sexual abuse are seemingly no longer welcome here?

Theyresexpeoplemn · 24/02/2023 10:29

Thank you for your posts, OP. This is truly shocking. I hid the whole sex topic as soon as it appeared in active, so wasn't aware. Unfortunately, that's probably how these things are allowed to flourish. MNHQ normally respond quickly to threads in Site stuff, so this'll be interesting 🤔

ArtixLynx · 24/02/2023 10:30

Not sure what the hell the moderation Team are playing at currently, but this whole thing is just... stomach turning.

I've been here for nearly 16 years, and this is honestly one of the worst decisions i think they've EVER made... and i'm being sincere about that.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/02/2023 10:34

I don't consider myself prudish but I must admit to commenting lightheartedly on a couple of the sex threads and getting weird private messages after so it has put me off

StEtienne93 · 24/02/2023 10:40

If MNHQ doesn't resolve this quickly, I'll be closing my account and going elsewhere. There are plenty of other parenting forums available now that this one has gone to the dogs. I suggest others do the same.
MN aren't looking after their core members and nobody (including the pervs!) are happy with the current situation. This has been raised repeatedly with MNHQ over the last week and yet they've failed to act on what their users want. The way it stands, they deserve to lose all of their users/members. And what will they be left with? A seedy little sex site, which are ten a penny.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:42

StEtienne93 · 24/02/2023 10:40

If MNHQ doesn't resolve this quickly, I'll be closing my account and going elsewhere. There are plenty of other parenting forums available now that this one has gone to the dogs. I suggest others do the same.
MN aren't looking after their core members and nobody (including the pervs!) are happy with the current situation. This has been raised repeatedly with MNHQ over the last week and yet they've failed to act on what their users want. The way it stands, they deserve to lose all of their users/members. And what will they be left with? A seedy little sex site, which are ten a penny.

Yeah, the site has really dramatically and rapidly thrown away its entire USP.

Imagine all those years building up a brand with privileged access to and trust with women, just to chuck it away because someone wiggled a vibrator and a few grand at you.

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Igotjelly · 24/02/2023 10:43

I'm honestly disgusted that it's 10:45 and MNHQ haven't had the decency to comment on this thread.

papercutt · 24/02/2023 10:43

Unless I'm mistaken, it appears to off active now?

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

lummsnet · 24/02/2023 10:51

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

Same. If you can point me elsewhere please could you

OhYouBadBadKitten · 24/02/2023 10:52

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:42

Yeah, the site has really dramatically and rapidly thrown away its entire USP.

Imagine all those years building up a brand with privileged access to and trust with women, just to chuck it away because someone wiggled a vibrator and a few grand at you.

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. If we can find a space, I'll decamp to it and take my weather forcasting over there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread