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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:54

Yes, any suggestions for a new site would be very welcome.

IneffableGenderFairy · 24/02/2023 11:00

If BIWI & OYBBK are going, I'm following. This is all very weird.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:06

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

@BIWI I was just thinking the only reason I stay here is for BC and one or two other long-running threads/discussions I’m on. I am so glad to see your comment!! I’m done here.

I am actually disgusted with Justine/Mumsnet. And extremely angry.

Sort your shit out FGS.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:07

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:54

Yes, any suggestions for a new site would be very welcome.

I was thinking that to. It's such a great community but clearly there's a type of poster they want to be rid of. I thought perhaps a sale was in the pipeline but maybe it's been done already.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:08

*too

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:08

@BenCoopersSupportWren I would screenshot all your comments just in case they decide to remove this thread.

ellieebie · 24/02/2023 11:09

Is the thread still there, OP?

I have the topic hidden now so didn't see it, but that thread does sound concerning.

I would also like to be able to post in places like relationships without being bothered by the men. I did receive something from a man in that section but it was a long time ago. MN dealt with it swiftly though.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:16

ellieebie · 24/02/2023 11:09

Is the thread still there, OP?

I have the topic hidden now so didn't see it, but that thread does sound concerning.

I would also like to be able to post in places like relationships without being bothered by the men. I did receive something from a man in that section but it was a long time ago. MN dealt with it swiftly though.

It is really clear that the influx of male posters attracted by the sex board and its new prominence/lax rules has begun to affect the site as a whole.

There are a LOT of threads currently in relationships, aibu, chat etc. which are either started by men, or where men are dominating the replies.

For example, there is a thread about how women who don't immediately divorce their husbands are doing it to extort money from them, and another thread about how women belong in the home. There are also a LOT of male posters on the thread where a woman has found out her partner visited a prostitute.

The tone and balance of the whole site has noticeably changed.

The advice is much less valuable because it isn't women sharing our experiences and supporting each other any more; it's just another place where men can come and shout us down and ridicule us.

This was obviously always going to happen once they made these changes, but it's shocking how quickly it has happened and how blatant it is.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:23

@Bamboux yes quite.

Mumsnet is going to turn into yet another cesspit, and I’m certainly not sticking around for the nasty, inevitable ride.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 24/02/2023 11:33

Oh dear, I de-regged yesterday in, let's face it, a bit of a huff and this morning thought maybe I'd been a bit too hasty and poked my head back round the corner to find this. I should not have signed back up but just felt compelled to say that it isn't a coincidence that things escalated this quickly. On the safeguarding thread yesterday, @lilymumsnet confirmed to anyone watching (and of course there were lurkers with sinister intentions drawn to a thread called 'safeguarding on the sex thread'!) that Mumsnet do not know anything about safeguarding as the OP of this thread has explained so very clearly. Her response on that thread says: Mumsnet don't and won't do age verification, they have no intention of proactively moderating the sex threads and will only respond to reports - so no prevention of harm, only reacting to it after the fact - oh, sorry, she said they'd put an advisory message on the board! Which, if you go and read it, says don't be disrespectful. It's a klaxon call to perverts everywhere, so there is really no surprise that immediately afterwards someone started a thread soliciting accounts of underage sex. This is cause and effect in action. It was a green light, given by Mumsnet in their own words.

A thread which Mumsnet left standing for hours and have only hidden because it's 'causing some upset' as opposed to 'providing material for paedophiles'.

I'm shocked but unsurprised that Lily hasn't yet made her appearance on this thread, advising everyone once again to hide the board. With zero understanding of why that misses the point so entirely.

QueefQueen80s · 24/02/2023 11:33

Yeah it made me feel disgusted reading it.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 11:33

The main thing keeping me here is the FWR board, as TBF to MN they have been one of the few places to allow discussion about how the more extreme demands of gender ideology have an adverse impact on women's rights (albeit with some arcane and convoluted talk guidelines that sometimes make it more challenging to articulate concerns and subject to the All-Seeing-Eye of TRA external monitors).

The utter irony of MN holding the line on women standing up for their rights and for the safeguarding of children while also allowing conversations on underage sex for entertainment, not support, and making a part of the board prominent that's guaranteed to attract men with somewhat misogynistic views about women is not lost on me...

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 11:35

The sex pests have discovered the “preteens” board now. Have reported.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/preteens/4750018-12-year-old-dd-online-sex-addiction

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:36

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 11:35

The sex pests have discovered the “preteens” board now. Have reported.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/preteens/4750018-12-year-old-dd-online-sex-addiction

Thank you. But what's the point in us all reporting these individual threads when, as @ProbablyNotAGoodIdea explains so eloquently, MN have very clearly given the green light to paedophiles and perverts?

WednesdaysPlaits · 24/02/2023 11:38

Absolutely agree. It’s out of control at the moment. I reported a thread in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago which was two people exchanging photos of themselves. It was pulled but it’s clearly not what MN is supposed to be about.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:38

I saw a post about MN LinkedIn...I no longer have LinkedIn...was the "explanation" hidden in there?

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:39

@BenCoopersSupportWren Yes FWR kept me here for a long time too. I stayed for that, because they gave us somewhere to keep talking/shouting/raising awareness, and I was grateful.

But i think the future is going to be small, personal underground groups.

And I’m certainly not going to swim in sewage for old times’ sake.

Festivfrenzy · 24/02/2023 11:39

Totally agree - where's the duty of care? Disgusting- why are MN so slow to fix this?

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 11:46

Yeah, I’ll report alright. I’ll report to mn if a paedophile starts posting, and then I’ll take a screenshot every fifteen minutes the thread stays standing, and then once the thread is pulled I’ll send the screenshots to the authorities, the tabloids, and whoever else has the ability to make judgements which will affect mn. And I suggest everyone else does the same.

I’m not sure even the daily mail wants to be seen supporting a site which is happy to host paedophiles.

Oh and be careful one of those so called under age posters doesn’t turn out to be a police officer…

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 24/02/2023 11:47

I'm really sad that men that get off on stories of paedophilia, grooming and underage sex have ended up on mumsnet, but not surprised. This is a parenting site. The only men that are going to specifically choose a parenting site for their sex chat, who are going to specifically seek out women with children to sex chat with, who are going to overlook the thousands of sex chat sites out there to specifically target mums, if having children is their main sex chat search criteria - why are we surprised that some of them might have an unhealthy interest in children, or might be wanting access to children? This seems to have been quite overlooked in the general discussion.

Who wants a wank and searches "parenting"? These are the new men coming to the mumsnet sex boards.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 11:57

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 24/02/2023 11:47

I'm really sad that men that get off on stories of paedophilia, grooming and underage sex have ended up on mumsnet, but not surprised. This is a parenting site. The only men that are going to specifically choose a parenting site for their sex chat, who are going to specifically seek out women with children to sex chat with, who are going to overlook the thousands of sex chat sites out there to specifically target mums, if having children is their main sex chat search criteria - why are we surprised that some of them might have an unhealthy interest in children, or might be wanting access to children? This seems to have been quite overlooked in the general discussion.

Who wants a wank and searches "parenting"? These are the new men coming to the mumsnet sex boards.

That's a really good point, Theredfox. Some of the cases I dealt with in my former CJS days were men who had specifically targeted single mothers with young children. It stands to reason that the same thing happens online.

OP posts:
BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 12:02

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

Oh I see. Thank you. Looks even more likely it's been sold.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:07

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

Wow. That's depressing. I mean anyone of us could probably make more money if we abandoned our morals and principles, right?

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 12:07

The minute biwi/etc jump ship I’m right there.

The FWR has been wonderful but obviously garnered the attention of MRAs - and now MN has given them the green light to scatter their seed (🤔) throughout this site I’ve used 15 years for female, moral support as I trundle through life.

I created a thread a few weeks ago after being presented the most appalling image (stuff of nightmares) as per their ad networks. They deleted the thread and said they’d contacted me. 5% off a mark Warner holiday if you can guess correctly whether they did or not.

In some ways I wish I’d screenshotted the image - but there are those more “delicate” than me.

Anything for a buck around here now.

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