Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

St G there is a small list of SN posters who don't post about SN related issues and their SN children because of their bad experiences (even though they greatly miss the ability to do so.) They include JimJams, FioFio and Mrs Forgetful to name 3, and that isn't all of them. I can't direct you to the threads which offended them, sorry!

Mrs Forgetful I get your point but if people want to stir they can just go to the special needs board direct if they're so nasty

I utterly disagree with this idea that mums with only nt children can just get on with their little lives without being bothered by sn. Years ago as a society we used to try to 'edit out' children with special needs by shutting them up in institutions and I know that this is not the same situation but still it is a way of making it so that people with no experience of special needs don't even have to know it is there

I only found mn years after dd was diagnosed - but if I had been posting here before she was, I would have clicked on 'without special needs' because it didn't apply to me. And then suddenly it would, and I would have never seen a single thread about sn which might have alerted me to the fact that there was a nice supportive board with people who might know what I was going through

people stir all the time on all kinds of threads, not just special needs. Why should special needs be singled out? I don't want to be singled out in any part of my life, I don't want my daughter singled out, I just don't want this here at all

it is making me sooooooo cross

OK , thanks anyway SHPSH (I know I know who you are really, just can't get my (severed) head round it at the mo!)

I

actually there are lots of things I would post about if I knew I could just speak to a few sympathetic people

TC I'm sorry that someone said that to you,a nd also that you posted and got no support- I didn't see the thread and it's sad when that happens

Like the idea of a vulbnerable icon, for use on MN generally- I bet mums with PND would use it at times, for example? Or on the relationship threads?

I recognise that not everyone reads the OP, esp. on long threads, but there does seem to be a group effect here, I've tried it with a positive on another non parenting forum- if you go on a neutral thread and post something extreme, either positive or negative, you WILL get loads of supporters pile in to back you. Whether it brings out the lurker or just demonstrates that we're all sheep, not sure.

Wouldn't use a password area myself, but toehrs might benefit. I'm happy with the yahoo and the MN Sn threads.

Coppertop, feel free to e-mail me if you need a chat about anything private hun. peaches and cream 04 at bt internet dot com

that's right...i used to post on here all the time...then one day last year...someone critisised my allowing my son to play the playstation etc so much...and advised me to let him g out and play football etc.....i then tried to explain how he is autistic...and the various reasons why for him this was not an option...and flipping the coin...would a parent stop a child playing football etc if they'd been at it for hours...etc...etc....and it turnrd into this almighty rant wher i was left doubting everything i did for my son. I tried explaining i'd love nothing more than to see my son outside socialising ...but she just kept telling me that i was not trying hard enough.
so.....result was the next day i forced him outside (to him a punishment)...and he broke his wrist falling off a scooter. So i now felt guilty about that too....and all because of 1 poster on MN.

That's how sensitive it can be for SN...my boys do not have obvious disabilities...yet funnily enough...despite that...they get no invites to parties...so they feel isolated. So for me to see them happy is what matters...and this is the point that may get missed in the NT world.... as to some of our ASD kids it is not simply a case od 'put up or shut up'...or such... when my 12 yrold chews through another playstation controller wire... the NT's would say.."well don't buy him another'...whereas the SN's would understand a)why he does it b)how much he needs to do it...and then be able to try to c)suggest a way of stopping it.

i too miss davros and jimjams...they were the ones i found right at the start some 4 years ago...and to think they have left is so sad.

Really sorry to hear that you cried this morning Fio and that you're unwell.

Ah- knew I missed a bit.

Zippi, YOUA RE NOT A CRAP APRENT at all! I ahve never seen any sign that you are, OK? If you need an as related chat my email is in my post below and please feel free, but don't beat yourself up. we all do the best we can, and that's all anyone can expect.

can we have a vulnerable icon then, and also a 'feck off you well-intentioned moron you know nothing' icon, and have done with it?

Love to lovely Fio... who is really a VERY lovely person..! (There is lots of love in that sentence isn't there.. literally! )

Mrs F ~ I really don't want to fall out with you but I just wanted you to know that you have upset me from one of your earlier posts.

You was thoroughly honest and I feel I have to be too.

There is a lot of upset and there really is no need to cause anymore IMO.

Peachy - it was ages ago, don't worry hon'.
And I did get support, I posted off SN's but got ticked off for not posting it on SNs by someone who didn't say anything useful, just told me off for not being on SNs!

Cappucino you are talking so much sense.

Has JimJams left then???

Mrs F the "NT's" wouldn't necessarily say that or anything like it.
one or two might. FUCK THEM, really.
most would shut up because they knowthey know nothing.
many would give you support.
some might have something useful to add from their experience, in SN or outside, from their work or their childhood or their extended family and friends.
the world isn't divided into SN and NT. THANK GOD.

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love

I agree with Fio about the tumbleweed. SN is pretty much deserted these days. I've posted on there today but whereas I used to be able to say "I don't know much about X but [MN poster's name] has some knowledge/experience of this issue" I can't do that anymore because that person probably doesn't post any more.

It's all very well having the SN board in Active Convos so that it's not segregated etc but what's the point when no-one is posting anyway?

Thanks, Peachy.

I think the active convos hasn't helped with that- not that i'm against it or anything but poeple will forget, I had to make a consciuous effort to got there today and ans wer a few, which was a shame. Mind you, I'm of the mroe forgetful variant

thanks peachy..that's very generous of you

sorry when I said about a vuerable/sensitive emotion I meant a special one you could put in the thread title not the op

peachy you have a point

I've just been over there responding to a post that cod bumped and let me know on another thread - no-one was looking at it

sorry BH...was it about ritalin etc.. or something today?

Cappucchino - someone would have seen it soon enough though, it wouldn't have gone unnoticed.
It may be quiet over there at the moment but that's cos we're all on this thread!