Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

I guess I feel uncomfortable at a "secret" section of the board, especially to allow people to vent. Sometimes SN parents are upset at something written which is not on the SN section at all. Presumably the temptation would be to vent about that on the private SN board, but that could further divide the community (as well as smacking of Narniagate).

Another vote for Georgina's suggestion.

Not sure locking away is the way to view it - public sn boards would still be there - just a private area for use when needed.

a secret area!

nooooooooooooo

a private area, open to all?

how does that work?!

Justine - you haven't commented on Georgina's suggestion. It looks like everyone so far thinks that this is a good idea, but there don't seem to be many SN parents contributing to this thread so far. Would they be happy with this?

(I don't, btw, think that the suggestion of doing this for the 'feeling depressed' board is a good idea, as I would imagine there'd just be lots of depressed people talking to each other, which surely won't do as much to lift their spirits as talking to happy people who have stumbled across the thread in active convos).

As someone else who's found some of the SN boards truely enlightening (but I would never dare to post on them) I would also agree with Georgina's suggestion.

But can the boards be password protected, but also visible perhaps? Otherwise the potential downside is that only the most bland or uncontroversial parts of the SN boards are visible to the general MN, and so people get a very partial idea about what is going on.

i'm quite prepared to be told off by the SN posters on this one, and I do appreciate their argument that they're here for support, not to provide an educational sideshow for our benefit, but if there was some way of keeping them open to others, while at the same time avoiding the fatuous and self-righteous postings that have, quite rightly, been driving them mad, then I think that would be a good thing.

as a parent to a SN child i have seen things on the SN boards that has shocked me,
most other parents dont realise that you devolop a black sense of humour to deal with all these things and on occasions that has been a big problem on the SN board,
yesterday i had a stressfull day ranted about it on the SN board and i get told by someone i should talk more to ds and keep him occupied more when we are out, that had nothing to do with it as i do all that allready but ds had a bad day yesterday and nothing in the world would of distracted him.
we just dont feel safe posting about most things on the SN board anymore you know some one will come on and have a go at you,
so i think that yes we would benefit from having a non-public area for our sensitive postings.

of course we want people to understand the needs of SN but sometimes we dont want to be educating all the time we are parents as well and need to rant with out being judged.

Well there would be nothing to stop anyone actually joining the group, as said we can't prove who's who so you wouldn't have to have a special needs child to join. In practice though we doubt folk would actually join a group designed for special needs parents if they weren't special needs parents - doesn't tend to happen in real life - but nothing to stop you if you wanted to.

Message withdrawn

I think Georgina's suggestion makes a lot of sense Castyspells, but our impression is that the SN parents may feel it wasn't enough of a step?

Another thought, with my suggestion you'd probably want to prevent that section being google searchable too.

but that segregates a large proportion of the MN community even though in theory it is "open" to all. it is a very imformative site is MN. and special needs makes a large proportion of that.

as per the other thread i would like to ask - why just SN?

why not create a members only for feeling depressed? there are some stupid people who go on and say " pull yourself togehter" not elpful. - only people who have ever experienced depression can really know what its like

or bottle feeders ( yes i am being trite) they get positivley bashed - give them their own private area where they can discuss microwave sterilisers without being battered!

its just silly. sn feel they cant post becuase of some threads lately -

we have an influx of new posters because of recent publicity - things will calm down

Think Georgina has a really good point . If the title appearing in Active Conversations isn't specific to SN then there is room for misunderstanding from the outset, as the Topic line is more easily overlooked. Also on SN threads I feel there is greater need for familiarity among the posters and understanding of the context without the need to rehash it every time they wish to rant or post. I would rather see an exclusive forum plus a more general SN topic than completely alienate Mnetters from whom I've learnt a lot.

please dont take this the wrong way custy
you said why SN? you answered that one your self as you dont understand how sensitive some of the topics on SN can be, it needs to be dealt with sensitivity, its Special Needs and needs to be dealt with in a special non judgement way

Message withdrawn

Would it not be possible to have a screen pop up when you hit "post" on a SN topic saying something along the lines of

"You are about to post on the Special Needs area of Mumsnet. Please ensure that your post is considerate and appropriate given the sensitive nature of this area. Be aware that the issues raised on these boards are not necessarily helped by traditional parenting methods"

That would (a) alert the poster to the fact that the thread was in SN and (b) give them a chance to amend or delete the post if they felt it was not appropriate.

I don't like it - having been drawn into the whole narniagate thing and still feeling sh*tty about it, I can see a private locked away area to rant getting very bitter both inside it, and to those outside getting paranoid.

What do the SN people think about the off active convs option?

I am an NT parent, but with an AS sister, and a newly dx autistic nephew - I don't contribute to the threads, but I do often read them to learn more about both the conditions and about what life will be like for my SIL, and what it is like for my sister.

I like Georgina's idea better too. The only advantage of the password idea would be if it was genuinely open only to SN parents which as you've pointed out is impossible to police at the level of MN (it presumably works fine with the Yahoo group because they can sort it out for themselves). I know you could throw out troublemakers but there would still, inevitably, be lurkers and surely that's going to stop people from feeling able to post freely? Think of Jimjams saying that people on here have no right to hear about how well her ds1 was doing- she didn't say it quite that harshly but I could see exactly what she meant given how upset she's been. It's not clear to me that an area on MN that is open to "interested parties" is going to solve that.

The same goes for Georgina's idea to be honest, but at least it's not "locking away", and I feel uneasy about that in the same way as Beety.

Message withdrawn

CD's idea is good too.

So what do you feel about that then Socci? You are happy for anyone to join?

IN response to the OP no I dont think they should have a seperate area. At the end of the day this is a site for parents to share ups and downs with other parents. I do not have a SN child but have found SN threads interesting and often enlightening. For example from the climbing up a slide thread, I wouldnt have thought about the reason a child might be so desperate to get on the swing was as part of a fixed routine and that changes to it can have huge impact on the whole day.

tbh it has been rather rocky of late but I think we should ride it out as things do settle again.

I like CD's suggestion.

I can see it ending up with all sorts of squabbles and rants about people joining who aren't felt to be suitable, and people being told they aren't entitled to join, people demanding set criteria for joining, people joining just to make a point - a nightmare.