Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

I think a secret SN area will affect me, even though I rarely post on SN threads. I think the way mumsnet works is that it is self policing. That means open access to threads. But hey, I am not going to be pendantic. It's only my opinion.

Anyway FWIW I could live with wannabe's idea that a private password topic would more heavily moderated than open topics, so if people posted insensitive, or inflammatory, or heavily off topic posts their right to access would be taken away. This would also add protection to those who want to genuinely want to discuss issues in private.

But has mumsnet towers the resources to moderate a topic like this?

TC, I absolutely agree about narniagate, I simply used it as reference because there have been people on here saying that an enclosed sn area would "breed secrecy".

and "What would happen if someone with access to a 'secret' topic thread sees a private rant/joke that is against a person/people/thread elsewhwere on mumsnet
and decides to cut and paste it into active convos?" why do you think that would happen? do we have lots of msn conversations/emails about members who were not privi to them cut and pasted into active convo's then? No of course we don't. why do you think an enclosed area would be any different?

I don't believe that parents of sn children are "special" either, but I do think that most of them have had to change their lives signifficantly from what they originally had planned, and none of them asked for that to happen.

I think that jimjams, fio, tc, eidsvold, and lots of others are wonderful people, not because they have a child with sn, but because of the people they are, and I think that every single one of them deserves to be able to get support from others who are going through the same experiences as they are, without reproach or judgment.

In reality, what does it matter to anyone else if there's a separate sn topic, really what does it matter?

wannabe, I'm in agreement IF any password protected topic was more heavily moderated. If not, then I don't like it.

but tigermoth you've already said that you don't read the sn threads so why would it affect you?

It doesn't matter, it really doesn't.

And fwiw SN's is a massively unbitchy place. I can't think of one row on SN's. The only nastiness is when posters whose children don't have SN's have not understood and said something hurtful. Like someone who once said to me that children with DS were a burden on society .

As far as I know no mumsnetter on SN's has ever rowed with another, it's never got nasty. It really is all about support, talking to someone who really really knows how much it hurts soemtimes. It's about crying about something and being totally and utterly understood. Sometimes only another mum whose child also has special needs will do. Sometimes a mumsnetter may want to talk about poo smearing with another mum who has been there without feeling anyone else is looking over her shoulder and possibly squirming. I think people that need that private type of suppoort should get it and anyone who stands in the way of that is perhaps acting in a slightly paranoid and selfish way.

Why don't you like it Tigermoth? Why would you only like it if it's highly moderated? What do you think people might talk about that you don't like so much? Why do you care?

"So why is it really that people don?t want the sn boards to be private and password protected?"

For me, it has nothing to do with SNs per se. I dislike the idea of password protected areas - like Tigermoth said it wouldn't matter what "topic" it was. Looking specifically at SNs though, I find that having the topics in active convos and seeing them, maybe reading them, occasionally posting on them makes me think. I started ti list examples of how Ive changed but ther'es no point really. The same goes for, say, the Depression or miscarriage/bereavement topics You could argue that they are just as sensitive but again, I find that seeing the threads educates me without trying. It makes these topics part of everyday awareness (not that I have to live them every day, of course not. I could never grasp the full intensity of that beyond realising how tough and relentless it is)

It smacks of hiding stuff away and segregation and it's that I don't like. I don't want posters to feel they have to talk about things away from the rest of Mumsnet. I can't make them want to post in "public" but I'd like them to feel they could. It;s all so sad.

I would only say that it occurs to me that, if SN becomes less public then it might be more difficult for a newcomer to "break in" or feel comfortable about posting (remembering that people often lurk for a long time before they feel confident to join in) and that they might miss out on support as a result. that to make the step of m=getting access might not be so easy for someone who is trying to get a DX orwho has been told their baby has a particular SN in antenatal testing or at birth.
from my perspective as someone who has recommended the board to people in this situation.
which might well be outweighed by the greater support it thereby offered to those already on the board.

wow tc am that someone could say that.

I don't think I personally would use a password-only area on MN but agree with TeeCee that those people who feel they need one should have one if MNHQ are willing and able.

There's an issue about dd that I would really like an opinion on. It's been worrying me for a few weeks now and is SN-related but I absolutely wouldn't dare to post it on MN. I would be crucified. If dd had been around even a year ago I would have posted without hesitating. Instead, like Shiny,I've been worrying and keeping it to myself.

TeeCee - about the burden to society comment.

But SN's open forum would still exist. There would be an additional part for certain people to use that needed to discuss personal, sensitive issues.

I think 3 people on SN's have said they would have liked it, so 3 maybe 5 longstanding memebers of mumsnet can chat about some of their issues and problems away from everyone else.

Why would anyone else want to know how down X was again today becasue her DS or DD had done Y.
How's that helping anyone else but the parent who needs to rant to someone who knows excatly where she is coming from?

If 'she' needs that support what's it got to do with anyone else?

The rest of special needs will carry on as ususual and myself and others will hopefully continue to get support and advice from ALL mumsnetters as has always been the way.

there are things i am holding back on posting here about dd2 as well CT, i just dont feel comfortable about posting it anymore.

Coppertop = what do you mean - who would crucify you. That's made me SO sad that you're keeping something upsetting and worrying to yourself.

harpsichordcarrion
so agree that it would make hard for a new poster.
Silly thought here
But why can't there just be an icon you could put in the title of a thread just to let people know that you are a but vunerable/sensitive and it would let people know to go easy. surely that could then be used in other topics as well
rather than make sn stand out more that it already does.

absolutely tc, I know that. but inevitably it would make the open SN board quieter/less busy/less useful resource for the newcomer/person needing help, imo.
anyway, like everyone keeps pointing out to me, this is nothing to do with me personally so I'll shut it now.

twoShoes I think essentially the idea of an icon is a good one, but I do think that people often read and respond to posts without actually look at where they are posting. There have been a lot of people on this and other threads who have said that sometimes they respond to posts if they are in active convos without actually realizing that it's an sn topic.

Try as I might (and I am) trying) I can't understand a. How Tigermoth or anyone else will be personally affected by the existence of a forum they can't and don't want to use, just because they can't see it.. and b. why anyone would think that a password-protected SN space would be a place we would use to post offensive jokes and/or comments that someone might copy and paste onto the main site?? That's NOT what is has been suggested for! What do you take us for..!?!

I am trying NOT to feel that these issues are pedantic in the extreme but... it's almost as if people are groping frantically for a reason to justify the fact that they have stated that they don't want this to be allowed....

Personally I find the whole idea of passworded areas very strange and I am somewhat puzzled as to why this idea was ever even raised.

From what I have seen - and I apologise profusely if I have missed something here - any bitchiness or nastiness recently has been outside of the SN topic area so I am at a loss as to how a new area would have made the blindest bit of difference.

TC - without wanting to sound too cryptic it's something that dd has started doing a long time before she should, even taking into account the usual differences between children's development. Some sites mention that it could be significant, especially with having 2 children with SN. "My child can do X at x months/years" threads don't get a good reception on here. You only have to look at the "What can your child do at 3.5yrs?" thread in Active Convos. A few have given a serious reply but the rest is general p*ss-taking.

hope no-one minds but i have started a new thread here about my objection to taking special needs out of active convos

I just think it's getting swallowed up on here with all this discussion about secret areas

St.G there is lots of info on here about the reasons that people feel unable or unwilling to post.. you have missed something. It's not really strange.. lots of sites do it. True that it's not been done on MN before but the issue in question has clearly not reached this point before

So could you give me some examples of threads to look at then?

I have read this thread and the one Justine linked to. The only specific examples I can find are not threads posted under the SN topic, so I am still baffled.

Sorry.

perhaps mumsnet should use interactive soft ware for the board where you create my mn..you tick all the topics you want to appear in your mn and all these will be in the version of active conversations you see..you can change the combination at any time and alternatively have a default mn with all the topics

Already available zippi if you use the 'find new messages' option.

when i found mumsnet i did only post in sn section....and one day i ventured out....and had some wonderful help in many areas...but when i need to talk without having to explain what is going on in detail with my boys...i go to sn cause everyone knows everyone there..and some of us email privately too...so we can read between the lines when omeone is down...we know what is going on...we live the life they live....THAT is when i like to stay in SN....it feels safe...and i feel understood.....and for me if someone has posted in an 'off' manner to me...i rarely popst back....i have no energy to argue.

If i needed a specialist sn board...and nothing else...i would never go on mumsnet...but i like reading all the mad and wacky thread titles...i raed what i like AND ignore what offends me..for example i am NOT interested in who's having an affair...or what latest shampoo does wonders for my hair..however i love browsing through the hundreds of chat threads each day....it feels good to know that others share my thoughts.
If i were shut away in a sn area...i would miss the banter.

and for me...i take sn with me wherever i go...it is my life...so when i am on arts and crafts...i mention it there....

so i'd rather people just have to click on s special needs section to access the board...than highlight sn threads in red...as to me...that is a perfect oppertunity for anyone nasty to deliberitely stir .

i may be paranoid...maybe i am wrong.... but to me the only way clour coding would work..is if it applied to all threads...so chat would be one colour....education another....tv another.... to draw attention to sn in isolation would be wrong...and MNtowers i think has been good...they could have kept the sn in active convos- with the option for people to EXCLUDE us by choosing 'without sn'...however what i understand they plan is as now...sn is not glaringing obvious...but still 100% accessable to ALL via 'All Topics"....and then they plan the option to search 'including sn'....which is much nicer than saying 'without'.