Do you think it's a good idea to have a non-public, password-protected area for special needs parents to vent?

[JustineMumsnet]

Following on for the discussion on this thread we'd like to know your thoughts.
For a little while now some of our special needs parents have said they don't feel Mumsnet is working for them in certain situations when they need to vent/rant/talk honestly about their situations and we've been thinking about whether there's anything structurally we can do to help. We feel very strongly that the special needs boards are a core part of Mumsnet and indeed for most of the last six years have been an exemplar of what we're all about - a place where parents can gain support and tap the experience of others to make their lives' easier. That said, we do understand that special needs parents are under extraordinary pressure and therefore more than most could do with a bit of privacy to vent when needed.
One idea that has been raised is a private, password-protected area for special needs parents on Mumsnet. This area would not be automatically visible to all but those who wanted to join could do so - though obviously you wouldn't have to join to discuss special needs - the existing public boards would remain. Clearly this is a break from the norm for Mumsnet and in some ways it feels an anathema because as we all know Mumsnet is an open forum and free access to all who need it is one of our underlying principles. But it's clear the current format is not working for many and if it's not helpful then we need to change things. We've thought about it a lot and feel it could be worth a try.
So what do you think? Special needs crowd, would this work for you do you think? Would you use it? NT parents how do you feel about it? Is it worth a go?
Let us know...
Thanks,
Mumsnet Towers

Just thought I'd mention that I belong to another big and busy board and a while ago a subset of that board got tired of having the same conversations over and over, and set up a password protected yurt-thing.

There was uproar and many doomsayers predicting the immediate demise of the board, but amazingly..... life went on.

Both the big board and the yurt continue to flourish in their different ways and posters contribute to both, depending on need/mood.

Don't see why it shouldn't work on mn too.

I remember the uproar there was over the starting of a chat topic here, and now it is just anothe part of mumsnet, so I do see what you are saying.

However, when I have looked at other parenting sites in passing, as a newbie I am extremely put off if I see a password protected part of the site. I just don't like it, simple as that.

Would a newbie immediately notice the password protected bit though?

Not sure I would... but maybe I'm just a bit thick . It takes me a while to find my way around a new site and figure out the "culture" of that site.

The newbies I would worry about though, are the ones coming on with a specific SN query - there would need to be some sort of very clear signposting for them.

Ahem! is it my imagination or has the whole of Mn spent the evning trying to let this deeply painful subject subside into peace, and to allow something horribley new-agey and yurtish like 'healing' to occur?

No-one wants a passworded section, it's been agreed for hours! Unless of course anyone would like to have one to continue this discussion in?

oh, go your own way

Ooooooops....

Sorry, am in a different time zone, was reading this yesterday and things have moved on I see .

Have no wish to kick up the embers, sorry!

Well it's taken me hours to trawl through all this and as mum to an nt child and an sn child I can see both sides and have been trying to balance how I feel about it all. My gut feeling is that I don't want to see any secrecy on the SN boards as it's openess has always been part of it's appeal for me. After all there must be loads of specialised forums for SNs and I've glanced at a few but none of them has drawn me in as Mumsnet has. I like the idea that both of my children can be accommodated and my ds is not shunted off to a different place to my dd. Actually I agree with everything Cappuccino says.

Also I agree with a few people who seem to think that some SN posters are a bit over-sensitive at times. I have an SN child but still hesitate to post a lot of the time because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. It hurts me to say that because of course I also understand how sometimes everything can just get too much. I agree that people should be sensitive to the feelings of those who are under a great deal of strain every day but I'm sure it used to happen naturally on Mumsnet. All this jumping down peoples' throats seems to be a new thing. Maybe it's me though. I do tend to use a lot of black humour in RL. It's how I cope with things but it's not everyone's cup of tea. Occasionally I long to post a flippant comment but I don't dare even though I would say it in RL. TBH if dh and I didn't have the odd laugh about ds's problems then we surely would crack up.

If there were to be a 'secret' section how would people gain access? Would it be by invitation only? I just ask because there have been many references to some 'other place' where all the SN posters have apparently gone but I haven't been told where and I have been using Mumsnet for a fairly long time now (am trying not to be miffed, after all it's only t'internet). Who would decide if someone was 'worthy' of knowing the password?

I couldn't not post anything after reading this whole thread but please nobody jump on me because it scares me .

If anyone from the SN board is reading this I would like to thank them for all the bits of help and advice I have had from them. It's been very comforting knowing they are there and I hate to think of all that being lost in the future.

blu, I wish I had the time to read threads through as they are happening - blame my employers' strict internet policy - so all I can do is offer an opinion when I do have the time to do so.

I am glad to hear the password protection idea is not being taken up. I did catch the fact that a good number of SN parents do not want a password protected area either and the suggestion came from Justine. I am under the impression, though, that the idea is going to be reviewed in the new year.

This seems to be musnet's latest message on the issue, so as far as I can see, password protected areas may be created in the future:

.... By JustineMumsnet on Wednesday, 18 October, 2006 10:21:29 AM ...."Morning all,
Thanks for everyone's input on this. It's not easy and feelings understandably run high but we appreciate everyone's constructive efforts. Here's what seems to make sense: We have removed the special needs topic from active conversations and we will shortly be adding a "with special needs" option to the active conversations links across the top of Talk.

We are planning a few new features/areas on Mumsnet (nothing radical honest, more technical input to make some of the things people do via the talk boards - eg meet ups, classifieds - function a bit better).

At that time (probably in the new year) we will take a look at the possibility of password protected areas. This does not mean we'll definitely be having them, but we'll take a look at how it might work.

We promise to keep you posted all the way...."

Just to clarify, I do not see SN parents as 'the problem'. I feel strongly that any password protected area for any topic is a Bad Idea.

I NEVER wanted a password area...i would not use it...and even though i have somewhere else to vent on the net...even that is taken up by all the arguments about MN at the moment....i'm sorry if i offend any of the people who rant there...but i really thought it would be a place of sanctuary...as MN had lost that quality. Now i am going to do my best to get MN back to how it was....so that it returns to a place where ANYONE can share and support ANYONE.

I know there are some SN ranters who willhate me now...but i have found all the messages about MN hassles just added to the anxieties i have in RL.

So...
this is probably the most honest post i have ever made..i don't usually moan (except about my RL!¬!!)...but i feel that MN is where i will stay

Thanks to all on the 'other' board...please still 'chat' to me on MN...i just don't thinki have enough energy to 'Rant' at the moment.

MrsF, thanks for that post

It confirms to me that a secret place on MN to post is not a friendly idea and DOES smack of Narniagate.

No doubt I will be "discussed" for mentioning that...

Hunker

Mrs F fair enough

I'm not sure the secret place IS a secret palce- it's a Yahoo group for Sn famillies, nothing mroe or less. I don't do secrets and I don't do segregation, I see the yahoo groupa s something a little more specialised, where I can use first names (not that i remember not to on MN mind you!) and know the other posters histories a bit better as it is smaller.

Have noticed thingsa re improving somewhat on MN anyway, for which I am glad.

MN has kept me sane through dark times. many of you know my history anyway, but I have a sn 6 year old who can be very violent, a DH who has suffered extreme depression (and is well atm) and I live miles away from family because there is no Uni at home. There have been awful times when DH has been missing or whatever and MN kept me going. I will fight tooth and nail to get it back to what it was, becuase smeone else like me might need it in the future.

FWIW this furore made me step outside of the depression I have had since Sam's DX and look at myself, and made me remember who I am, a non aggressive peaceful sort, and I am re-establishingt hat now on MN.

Peachy...it has made me 'snap out of it' too...i have been so depressed for mnths...and i feel i have a choice to make...get things back like you said so we are here for each other when needed- as we always were...or i don't even lurk- as to just read posts i feel guilty...yet the effort to reply has been too much...but cos of all this i have got a new perspective.. I didn't realise how important MUMSNET was tome till this week.

I don't care that I'd not be able to read it - I really don't. I don't often read the SN threads. I rarely comment on an SN thread, either because I have nothing to say or I'm worried what I DO say will be misconstrued or deemed patronising.

I just think it's divisive and MrsF's post has reinforced that feeling.

As an Sn aprent though (and others disagree I know- sorry to them) I welcome input from NT mums. How can I know what other kids do, or how their aprents feel when DS erm, demonstrating? My thread about pictures on the internet this week is on the SN board, there are some amazingly hepful posts from SN parents.

MN isn't, to me, JUST about support. It's about Info and getting the full side of the story: I need a wide variety of opinions for that.

I remember many years ago, before DS1 was old enough to disp[lay much AS so we didn't now, I worked and was friendly with a family with a severely autistic lad. We relaised that a lot of the advice I could give that was intended for parents of NT kids was atually excellent, as she spent so much time understandably focissing on his Sn, that she (and we) put every little behavioural trick down to SN: so when he stopped eating at 2 we all went Arrghhh! ASD!!! When actually, loads of NT kids stop eating at that age. Eventually, yes he has ASD but eating isn't part of that for him, atm.

We've all got stuff to offer on here, I don't like the idea that only Sn mums can advise SN parents. Especiallya s hal;f the time what's required is a anyway, which is good from anyone.

I think that what is getting lost among this discussion about password protected areas is that already mn has decided to take sn out of active convos and to add a 'with special needs' button instead

which is a lovely way of making it so that people can edit out the experiences of parents with sn from their everyday mn lives

(sorry helpful posts from NON Sn parents )

cocopopshater (if you're still around) - I've just started a thread in the SN section asking for ideas about what we could do to help people (including me) understand SN terminology/acronyms/abbreviations here

Could you (or anyone else who is interested in this) have a look and post any suggestions you might have?

Thanks.

i use other boards, pasword protected etc to talk more freely about dh and my fears about the childrens health. its a heart related board, and its not there to eductate other people about heart problems, its there for support. its a safe place to sound off completely at times and i know that the people there 'get' it more than on here. i mean mumsnet has been fantastic, but there i dont have to explain everything each time a new person joins as its all there on my sig.

i love mumsnet. i do. but i understand the need for the parents of sn parents to have a place where they wont be judged/shouted at/etc by people not 'getting it'

Good point cappuccino. That's sad, isn't it?
I saw a suggestion that said put the SN thread titles in red, I did like that but hey, it's already decided so there you go

having it in red would be better

Yes I like the idea of putting the SNs titles in red too-that way the warning is there but the thread is still accessible.

I think putting them in red would be great. Then Nt parents can still help as well.
Peachy great post