Sexless Marriages Support Thread part 2

[AishaReturns]

My last thread got full so starting a new one. This is a place to rant, support and share advice for coping in sexless marriages. All welcome, no judgment just support.

me: 40s female, been probably 3 yrs.

Thank you Aisha! 🙏🙏

Tbh I just simply wouldnt be in a sexless marriage fuck that.

If only it was that simple! The issues were always present in my marriage but got much worse after we had kids. I spent years unhappy, I felt selfish and a complete arse hole for even considering splitting my family up and leaving just because of sex (despite it being so important to me).
I loved (and still do) my ex wife, our old house and lifestyle. But it wasn't working and we finally split up.
It is not always a straightforward or easy decision to leave a marriage.

You are the example why why you should just leave. You hung on unahppy and it ended anyway. Could have been happier for longer if you just bit the bullet

People stay for a variety of reasons, sometimes hope that it will improve, sometimes kids, sometimes financial and in my case a combination of all those plus a strong cultural tie as well. I’d rather we didn’t use this thread to tell people who stay that they are wrong to do so

I ment it as advice for anyone in the situation. I do think they should move on

@Sharingadrink I don't think its that's simple, we all would just leave if we felt it was that easy, but whilst its not good, its never bad enough for the impact.

• two kids, happy, lots of friends who have separated and the kids just aren't as happy. I wouldn't want to be away from my kids half the time, I love seeing them every morning and every day. I don't want the negative impact on my kids
• financially it would be incredibly difficult for us, it would have a huge impact on our lives
• Self esteem - this drip drip over time has an inevitable impact on self esteem that means you don't think there is a better sex life elsewhere, so what's the point of all the pain for something that might not be there anyway

I think we all know what we should do, but we can't get around to doing it because of the things like the above

I get its hard, but unhappy parents arnt good parents. Kids deserve to have the best parents even if they live in diffrent houses. They should also see happiness is more important than stuff

Thanks @AishaReturns for the new thread!

youre welcome!

Sometimes you just have to accept that some people mean it when they say they cannot leave. You won’t necessarily be privy to the reasons as to why, but you just have to accept it when people say they can’t, whether you understand the reasons or not. We can all say “I’d walk away if that were me” but until you’re actually in that situation, with all the same circumstances, you have no idea.

Thanks for the new thread @AishaReturns

If only there was an easy fix, i’m a male that is probably nearly 5 years without, for me it’s deeper than just physical, it’s my way of identifying if i’m wanted or not weird as it sounds. I stay for many reasons, kids, because i absolutely love & adore her and because she would be unable to finance a life without me for several reasons.

I look at it like this, sex is a part of the relationship but not all of the relationship so it would feel selfish to end it all over just sex. Not that it makes me feel any better about not feeling wanted in that way anymore, it’s slowly killing me inside. I don’t really blame her as some of the reasons behind it are medical but i also feel it might also be more than that.

Pleased there is a part two, a thread that looks at a real issue for a surprising amount of people and affects both sexes, found it enlightening, occasionally helpful, though in all honesty still to find anything that actually works to reignite the desire, does seem for many that when it’s gone, it’s gone. Also found the thread somehow manages to not judge, which is great

I think for most people (with morals) in this situation there isn't a fix, you choose to stay for reasons more important than sex, it doesn't hurt any less when you make this choice, your wife/husband that you fancy the pants off still lays next you, she/he just doesn't see you anymore. The only time there is a fix is when you either decide that sex is the most important part of your relationship and you leave, you're morally disabled and you choose to shag around, or for one reason or another you lose your libido so your sexual needs are aligned again.

I think for the vast majority it's a grin and bare it situation which is sad, but based on the number of posts on this forum alone i'd say it's all to common.

This is my situation down to a T. The self esteem is a big one, you think if my DW is not interested then who would? Leads to a lot of self doubt

@nwh @thelastkingdom it's important to stay in touch with yourself as far as self esteem goes, don't doubt yourself just because one individual decides they don't want to have sex with you anymore, there may be valid reasons for it. Just because you may be a bit older, have a few more wrinkles, or you may not have the body you where once happy in DEFINITELY doesn't make you any less attractive to real men & women, the ones that see you for who you are not just for how you look on the outside, and to be fair the vain ones don't matter do they because who would want them anyway!

Morning fellow frustrated people.

last night we watched a TV programme with a passionate sex scene in it. It felt so awkward watching it with my husband as I was thinking why can’t you do that to me. Normally I’d make a joke but last night we just sat awkwardly through it. Does anyone else have this or has anyone used this type of scene to kick start some real life action or how do you watch sex scenes together

I've used similar to make a light hearted suggestion on more than one occasion, to be met with a chuckle and a brush off, or been simply ignored. I know the awkwardness of which you speak 😬

No useful suggestions I am afraid but I am cultivating my online interactions so use those as a way of getting my frustrations out.

What do you mean by online interactions?

Exactly this! Its so awkward its unbelievable. I want the ground to swallow me up. I used to make a joke too, just things like "Well we don't do that anymore" and she would just roll her eyes at me as if to say not that again :( So now I am like you not even bothering doing a joke anymore. This has happened recently as we both love watching Rivals and there is plenty of sex on that 😂 I wonder what goes through her mind when she sees these scenes.

I had to watch sex/life alone… especially the shower scene because I can feel his discomfort whenever a sex scene comes on

Whoa...you watch programmes together?!

I've met some people on here and other sites. We chat, flirt, send pics and have occasional video calls. It helps, but its not the same.

What other sites… asking for a friend lol

I wouldn't even bother watching any erotic films with my wife, it would only add to the frustration...she would just think it was pervy. When she was sexually active she was like a trainee pornstar, i didn't really need that level of effort but it was good, now she's in no way sexual at all, everything sex related is either pervy, dirty or weird. Can't wait for the future🤔