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Reported family to SS and did a Sarah's Law. Mum knows its me. School Mums shunning me

193 replies

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

OP posts:
ItsPickleRick · 20/10/2026 17:57

You did the right thing OP.

The fact that the children are now on a CPP tells you that your concerns were valid and you absolutely did the right thing reporting them to social services.

Yes you may have lost friends, but her children are that bit safer now because of you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Ask yourself if you would really want to be friends with people like this?

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 20/10/2026 17:58

I'm so sorry OP but you absolutely did the right thing. You have potentially saved those children from something much worse happening.

Ireolu · 20/10/2026 17:59

These are friends not worth having. You did the right thing. Get cameras and security up in your house and ask police re things you can do to stay safe.

LilyBunch25 · 20/10/2026 18:00

You've done one of the very hardest things to do, not looked the other way despite the consequences to yourself- you may have changed the course of those children's lives for the better- but I know how hard it must be for you right now. Can you get any support regarding your understandable fears?

dairydebris · 20/10/2026 18:01

You did the right thing.

I don't see why you'd want to be a part of this mum group ever again.

I'd seriously consider moving though.

parietal · 20/10/2026 18:01

You definitely did the right thing. Hang out with the mum who spoke to you after and ignore the clique who support the abusive mum.

ThreadGuardDog · 20/10/2026 18:02

OP can you chat to anyone at the police 101 number and explain what’s happened. Ask if they can suggest anything to keep you safe given your concerns. I would also have a word with safeguarding lead at the school to make sure your children aren’t targeted at school. You have absolutely done the right thing, at some cost to yourself and the children are safer because you didn’t look the other way.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 20/10/2026 18:02

It sounds like the other Mums knew something was wrong but allowed the behavior to become normalised over time.
Leaving a child alone at nights with a known abuser crosses a line.
It cannot be put down to "everyone struggling a bit sometimes"
Its a shame you have been ostracized but you did the right thing when noone else was prepared to.
You should feel proud of yourself.

ThatMellowSheep · 20/10/2026 18:03

I am so sorry , this must be dreadful and very frightening. You definitely did the right thing . You’ve been very brave .

Caramac045 · 20/10/2026 18:03

Thank you for putting her children first. You absolutely did the right thing.
With regard to your safety, is it possible to get a ring doorbell, (other brands are available) and/or a body cam?
Also, I would mention my concerns to the police as a baseline.
If things were to escalate beyond the horrible thing of being made a pariah, could you move?
I bet those shunning you are scared of the mum and are backing her to keep an enemy close. I wonder if they let their children round that house.

Electricsausages · 20/10/2026 18:04

You did the best thing for those kids
stick with whichever mums understand your reasons , the others can get lost

cestlavielife · 20/10/2026 18:04

You did the right thing op.
You do not need these people in your life
Try to join groups not linked to school

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 18:05

My DC are with their Dad tonight so I have escaped to my elder brothers. I will call 101. Just feel so panicked and overwhelmed which is daft. I think some of this is my own stuff from my own childhood and why I was taken into care coming up.

And yes these are women who I dont want as friends but they are the only ones I had as we only moved her 1.5 years ago.

I struggle socially and theres guilt that my kids are going to lose out now. Trick or treating with them gone, pumpkin carving gone and the Xmas party gone. Dumb stuff I know but its all in my mind atm

I also have to see said Mum on school run. I have avoided this thus far as she is often late and we are early but at some point I will see her

OP posts:
aquashiv · 20/10/2026 18:09

That behaviour is deeply upsetting, and you absolutely did the right thing. Any adult who turned a blind eye to what happened is also responsible. It’s hard to understand why some people have children if they aren’t prepared to care for and support them.

TonTonMacoute · 20/10/2026 18:09

No good deed goes unpunished I'm afraid.

All those people willing to turn a blind eye for the sake of an easy life, and you are the one left feeling bad and nervous. What a society, we need more people like you who will stand up for the weak.

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 18:11

I wish I had just said everything I had said and left that one incident out. The other incidents she couldnt link to me as, as mentioned, she is very open about things. But this one thing happened when it was only me and her. I did consider that OK well I could have told a third party that detail but she sorta knows the others wouldnt have said anything.

Its a mess!!! We have only just got settled in the area

OP posts:
wildnwilde · 20/10/2026 18:13

And 'the mum's told you all this compromising Information ?address that school staff haven't reported her before

SheWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 20/10/2026 18:13

You don’t want to be friends with these people, nor do you want your children around them. It’s a shame for you DC in the short term but not the long term. Well done for being so brave

sweetpotatopie2 · 20/10/2026 18:18

First, no, they don't know that you are the one who reported this slimeball of a mother. They only THINK you did. You could just as easily have mentioned the identifying detail to someone else and then they could have reported the mother.

Since all these creepy weak sheep have no problem shunning you for doing the right thing, I advise dropping hints here and there that you didn't make any report but some of the things mentioned were discussed one-on-one by some of you later and that one of the people you talked with may have made the report. Say you aren't going to name any names because you don't want to get involved. Let the sick cows turn on each other, they deserve it. If you want to, that is...

As for the rest of it, I could really hug you. You know you did the right thing, even though I'm sure it wasn't easy. The shunning you're getting is the price you're having to pay to help that child. In a way, it's an honor to accept mistreatment rather than allow a child to continue being mistreated. Huge applause for you, you are brave and noble and did what you could to save a helpless, innocent child from serious abuses. You really deserve a nice restaurant meal or a new dress or something for your very brave and noble act and for taking this risk, at the very least.

Please also do whatever you can to increase your security and safety. There too, you've rescued a child from being the one who has to fear for their security and safety when they aren't able to enact those self-protective measures. I really kind of love you right now. 😎

LampLightz · 20/10/2026 18:19

wildnwilde · 20/10/2026 18:13

And 'the mum's told you all this compromising Information ?address that school staff haven't reported her before

Yes, I'd definitely be wondering why the school staff haven't reported a woman who leaves none of her private life to the imagination.

It should've raised many red flags.

scoobysnaxx · 20/10/2026 18:20

You have categorically and 100000% done the right thing. Period.

you do not want these people in your life.

it any bad words are said to you id absolutely rage back at them and shame them ALL for not protecting the children. Call yourself a mother? And shame on the so called friends. Disgusting.

You stroll into the playground with your head held high and with a don’t-fuck-with-me face.

IStillHearTheWaves · 20/10/2026 18:21

They're all shit. The other mums knew of all this and not one of them reported anythibg - instead, they've shunned you for doing the right thing. None of them are good people.

Floppyearedlab · 20/10/2026 18:21

You don't want playdates with people like that. She is scum who has put her sex life before her precious children and the others are backing her up.

attichoarder · 20/10/2026 18:22

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

I would ask for this thread to be taken down as there is too much that identifies you in the RW

MrsAvocet · 20/10/2026 18:24

I don't have any advice sorry OP, but I just wanted to say well done. Whenever there's an awful child abuse case in the news people always say "Someone must have known, why didn't they say something?" but it takes guts to speak out. You have protected those children, and possibly the mother herself though she may never appreciate it, when others have kept silent. You might have prevented a real tragedy. I can understand why you are upset and frightened now but you absolutely did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself. I hope things settle down soon as you sound like a brilliant person who deserves better friends.