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Reported family to SS and did a Sarah's Law. Mum knows its me. School Mums shunning me

193 replies

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

OP posts:
CalmForCats · 20/10/2026 18:24

You did the right thing OP and it sounds like her children need to be taken into care...they most likely have fetal alcohol/drug syndrome, have been burnt with an iron and have been sexually abused. They need to be permanently away from this woman. This is very sustained and significant abuse.

Also, maybe you should look at getting someone to talk to for yourself as these women aren't a good choice of people to be hanging around and sending your kids on playdates with.

CeciliaMars · 20/10/2026 18:25

You did the right thing. Could you change schools? If these mums are taking her side over yours, they are not people I would want to be friends with anyway.

DoubleBusy2026 · 20/10/2026 18:28

Police can give you some tools to protect you. Also you can come to an arrangement with the school to perhaps drop off a few mins earlier/later and same with pick up. Just don’t go anywhere or do anything alone and you’ll be fine 💜 You did the right thing, keep reminding yourself of that. Could your older brother come trick or treating with you and your kids? Or could he take them, perhaps?

Ethelspagetti · 20/10/2026 18:29

You protected those children. Isn’t that worth missing out on trick or treating?! You will make new friends. They won’t do anything because it would be too obvious it’s them.

Lindy2 · 20/10/2026 18:31

You've done the right thing OP. Absolutely the right thing.

If anyone thinks or says otherwise then they're not worth knowing. These women are not good people or friends.

If only someone had been able to do the same for Sara Shariff when she was burnt with a hot iron. You may have saved those children.

If you feel uncomfortable with anything she or her awful partner say or do report them to the police.

This isn't the only group of women at your children's school. Please try and find a better group who wouldn't turn a blind eye to child abuse.

LilyBunch25 · 20/10/2026 18:35

ThreadGuardDog · 20/10/2026 18:02

OP can you chat to anyone at the police 101 number and explain what’s happened. Ask if they can suggest anything to keep you safe given your concerns. I would also have a word with safeguarding lead at the school to make sure your children aren’t targeted at school. You have absolutely done the right thing, at some cost to yourself and the children are safer because you didn’t look the other way.

This is very good advice.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/10/2026 18:36

This is all quite outing OP.

You did the right thing.

Tell the police you’ve outed yourself and ask their advice.

MongoosePerfume · 20/10/2026 18:37

Hold your head up high at the school gate. If the other mums shun you that says far more about them. They should be shunning the other mum. If anyone says anything just say you were acting on the best interests of the children as we all should be.

Icecreamlover63 · 20/10/2026 18:38

How disturbing for you and your children.
100% you did the right thing!
i agree have a meeting with the head teacher, please be assured by the other Mums on here you did the right thing

LBFseBrom · 20/10/2026 18:38

You did the right thing, kids are abused and even die because nobody wanted to say anything.

However I do understand how you feel.

It sounds an awful place to live, frankly. Is there any chance you could move?

ShutupLwren · 20/10/2026 18:38

@DDUndercover scum protect scum and I imagine you’d rather have the sadness of exclusion from a few shitty mums than the death of a child weighing in on your conscience. You did absolutely the right thing.

Barney16 · 20/10/2026 18:39

You did absolutely the right thing. Well done. Hold your head up high. As for the mum, well you don't get to burn your own child with an iron and have a little joke about it. She deserves what ever is coming her way.

LilyBunch25 · 20/10/2026 18:39

Ethelspagetti · 20/10/2026 18:29

You protected those children. Isn’t that worth missing out on trick or treating?! You will make new friends. They won’t do anything because it would be too obvious it’s them.

Yes, agree. OP maybe you could arrange different things for your children on those dates? Do they have cousins perhaps they could trick or treat with in a different area for example? Or maybe a fun night out instead? And Christmas you could replace the party with something else.

CountFucula · 20/10/2026 18:40

You did the right thing.

lifedilemmasmakemetired · 20/10/2026 18:41

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

You did the right thing and you are incredibly brave

Sassylovesbooks · 20/10/2026 18:44

You absolutely should have reported this Mum and did, that was the right action to take. I think by discussing this woman (even if you didn't tell anyone you'd reported her) with the other Mum's, it's possible you gave yourself away, that it was you. We'd all like to think in situations like this, protecting the children would be the other Mum's priority but often they don't want to been seen as a 'grass'.

I think you need to speak to the schools safeguarding team, because you don't want your own children being bullied. You also need to speak to the police, and see if there's anything they can do to keep you and your family safe.

Sleepdeprivedandcaffinated · 20/10/2026 18:45

You and DD are much better off without “friends” that sit by and don’t challenge child abuse. You did absolutely the right thing Op, without a shadow of a doubt. You were the only person willing to stand up for those kids. If only so many other children had someone like you to intervene Flowers

Granville82 · 20/10/2026 18:45

These mums who you describe as a bit 'rough' sometimes are not your friends and hanging out with them might alienate some potential others friends who would be a better fit. Right now this feels acute but it will die down. You for sure did the right thing and you and your kids will be just fine.

Ritaskitchen · 20/10/2026 18:45

You were really brave and honorable to do this. Many people wouldn’t but you did.
They would have likely even shown themselves to be fair weather friends anyway.

Iftheskywasbkue · 20/10/2026 18:47

To echo others, you absolutely did the right thing and imagine that you may possibly have saved those children from a worse life. Anyone who thinks otherwise is complicit with the abusers.

Speak to the police about your safety concerns for you and your children; they may advise telling the school too.

Think about changing schools to one as far away as possible and with potentially nicer families and robust safeguarding. Move house if you can away from these sorts of people with their low standards and cowardly support of an abuser.

Enrol your DC in clubs away from the area such as Cubs/Beavers/Scouts/Brownies etc so that they can make friends outside of school and less likely to bump into schoolmates. Go trick or treating, pumpkin carving etc in another area.

Hold your head high - you absolutely did the right thing - it’s an admirable and all-too-rare quality to stand up for what you believe in.

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 20/10/2026 18:50

You’ve absolutely done the right thing. Those who were silent were complicit you had the strength to stand up for those children. It boils my blood how groups can shun individuals for acting with decency especially in this case. They are not worth having as friends at all.
You'll be able to do nice things with your children perhaps on your own for a while but I’m sure you’ll make new connections and with people who are worth spending time with. Perhaps a visit to a cafe that might have a Halloween activity? You’re bound to chat to someone there.
Hold your head up high OP you’ve got real moral courage and that is increasingly rare.

TeethAreImportant · 20/10/2026 18:51

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 20/10/2026 17:58

I'm so sorry OP but you absolutely did the right thing. You have potentially saved those children from something much worse happening.

Or some worse things from continuing to happen, they may well have already been happening. F*ck the other mums shrugging and saying what can you do? What an awful attitude to kids potentially being abused, and definitely being neglected. You were right to do what you did, I get your situation is now very stressful, but you can look yourself in the mirror in years to come and know you did the right thing.

Lucyslateagain · 20/10/2026 18:54

You totally did the right thing
But have you thought about moving your children to a different school
That's most probably what I would do now

MyArtfulGreySloth · 20/10/2026 18:55

Those other mums should be ashamed of themselves for not doing what you’ve done sooner.

Lucyslateagain · 20/10/2026 18:56

You need to find friends that your views align with ,so does your child
Definitely look at moving schools
This will only get worse ,this mum has the potential to make your life difficult