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Reported family to SS and did a Sarah's Law. Mum knows its me. School Mums shunning me

193 replies

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

OP posts:
babyproblems · 20/10/2026 19:31

You absolutely did the right thing. I feel very sorry for her poor kids. She’s clearly a sandwich short of a picnic. In your shoes I would probably move to a nicer area tbh!! This all sounds absolutely hideous.

Tigercrane · 20/10/2026 19:46

Hold your head high you helped those kids.The other mum's in the group are not your friends.
Well done.
I don't know what you can do about meeting new people but you did the right thing.I hope you can believe in yourself a little more.

Lolamorte · 20/10/2026 19:47

I’m so glad you don’t regret this, you did absolutely the right thing and you should be very proud of your character, your strength and your choices.

Iris2020 · 20/10/2026 19:47

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 18:11

I wish I had just said everything I had said and left that one incident out. The other incidents she couldnt link to me as, as mentioned, she is very open about things. But this one thing happened when it was only me and her. I did consider that OK well I could have told a third party that detail but she sorta knows the others wouldnt have said anything.

Its a mess!!! We have only just got settled in the area

OP I would change your children's school. You absolutely did the right thing but if the other mums can't see it, they are a very toxic bunch indeed.

Mumofthreeteenagers · 20/10/2026 19:51

Well done OP. I applaud you. You are one of the very few people I admire. Standing up for right is hard, thats why there are so many sheep! You stood up, now be safe. Get security, tell the police your worries and get counselling for the past and present so that you can see you really are wonderful. Your children dont need tons of friends but they do need this. Showing them how to turn up for others. Be safe x
Os, truck or treating is better as a family, less intimidating for the people at home!

Boreded · 20/10/2026 19:52

Lucyslateagain · 20/10/2026 18:58

If you haven't changed enough details to be anonymous
Id get this thread taken down op

She doesn’t need to be anonymous, they know it was her. She only needs to have name changed so they cant read her other threads if she wanted those to be private

likelysuspect · 20/10/2026 19:56

I havent read th whole thread so you might have addressed this, how do you know that this other incident was not known by anyone else?

She isnt exactly shy and retiring is she, so odds on, xomeone else also knew about this incident

Brazen it out. Say you dont know anything about it but you're not that surprised.

HylianShroom · 20/10/2026 19:57

You really don’t want to be friends with these scummers. How would you ever trust any of them to have your kids round for play dates, sleepovers etc?

Purplesproutingradiator · 20/10/2026 19:58

However you feel right now, imagine what it's been like for those kids living that day in day out. They desperately needed someone to speak up for them - thank god you did (when so many others are choosing not to care)

If there is even a hint of anything from either the mum or her partner, inform the police immediately and keep your own record. If the partner were only recently out of prison and he's already been involved with police, he may be back inside again anyway.

Namemechangey · 20/10/2026 19:59

Can you move schools, tbh none of them sound like people I would want my kids to gain values and lifelong friendships with. If their bar is so low that they allow this to happen then shun you for raising concerns and protecting children.

gamerchick · 20/10/2026 20:01

This was always going to happen OP and I'll tell you, the rest of them have blocked you because they're scared of her. Its nothing to do with you. They'll secretly be thinking you're brave.

Yes there may be retributions, yes she may come for you or any other nastiness. My advice is not to cower and be afraid. Front it out, even if you feel like you're going to pass out and if she behaves appallingly then you get the police involved.

You have saved some vulnerable children. You've absolutely done the right thing. These friends of hers stood by and turned their heads. You didn't.

Quitelikeit · 20/10/2026 20:02

Can u move

Bobbybobbins · 20/10/2026 20:04

OP you are so brave and well done. As others have said, I would consider moving.

DandelionsMakeMeSmile · 20/10/2026 20:04

I am very glad those children had somebody report their plight, you have made a difference in their lives.
I wish you didn’t have this worry to deal with now. Big hugs to you and I hope things ease off soon.

Chillyegg · 20/10/2026 20:05

You did absolutely the right thing. And to be honest the other mums should be riddled with guilt they didn't report and tbh could be accused of purposely hiding safeguarding information.
As much as I understand your worried your kids will miss out you do not want to hang out with people who were complicit in concealing with this absolutely awful woman's behaviour . Hold your head high . I've never been in the mum group but this one sounds toxic at best.

Starlight7080 · 20/10/2026 20:05

Well done op. That was very brave of you.
Hopefully you are saving those children from a lot more abuse they will probably have been subjected too. I just hope the police and ss take it very seriously. Really sounds like the kids should be placed elsewhere.
We had to report my sil several years ago now. They new it was us . They lost custody in the end. They had been very abusive and both had drink/drug problems. Did take a while for ss to take it seriously. It was only when one of the children had to be taken to a&e that they got removed and adopted by a lovely family.
The other mums should be ashamed of themselves.
We didnt socialise with the school mums and all of my kids are teens now and didnt notice or suffer because of it.

Frillysweetpea · 20/10/2026 20:06

Others have suggested the practical steps you can take. I just want to say I really admire you for being so brave and principled. 💐

Wrestling67 · 20/10/2026 20:11

Focus on what you have done for those kids. And keep focusing on that on the school runs. They’re probably giving it “oh she thinks she’s superior”

And I hope you fucking do think you are.

you don’t have to associate with them now, win win if you ask me.

Zanatdy · 20/10/2026 20:11

Well done OP. Takes a lot of courage to report, and i’m sorry its made life difficult for you. Shame on those other mothers turning a blind eye. Child protection is everyone’s business and they should be applauding you, not cancelling you.

NotALotOfUse · 20/10/2026 20:11

You have done the right thing. You don’t want these people as friends. You are a decent human being who cares about innocent children’s lives. They may have turned the other way, shame on them. Hold your head high but don’t get into any conversations about the concerns you raised. If anyone asks you say you don’t know what they’re talking about. Repeat but add nothing more. Can you find any other hobbies or clubs where you could make different new friends? I’m sorry you feel like this but go easy on yourself about the thing you think outed you, there was a lot to say and you told the full story. She’s the one in the wrong, and frankly her children should be under child protection, you should be proud you made that happen.

ilovebrie8 · 20/10/2026 20:12

Tapping a child with a hot iron 😡and that is the stuff she’s telling you . Horrific, probably a lot worse gone on.

SwirlingAroundSleep · 20/10/2026 20:12

You did the right thing and they should all be ashamed at themselves for not reporting her. The hot iron tap is horrifically abusive and if that’s what she’s willing to publicly tell everyone you can guarantee life for those kids is a lot worse than that. The partner sounds extremely dangerous and the fact he was in breach of an order confirms it, I’d bet he’s not allowed around children after his convictions.

honestly, too many people in life take the easy road and keep friendships by not protecting kids. The world needs more people like you and you definitely don’t need friends like those people.

I would contact the police to say she knows it was you who reported her and you’re concerned for your safety.

Worktillate · 20/10/2026 20:15

@DDUndercover the world needs more people like you in it.

Look at the comments - not a single poster has questioned your actions at all.

It's hard when you're not a sociable person (I'm not) but these women are not your tribe. You will find them but not by trying to be accepted by people like that.

Find things for your kids to do away from school - someone mentioned cubs/scouts which is a great one.

And make sure you protect yourself - raise your concerns to the police and the school.

I'm sure every poster on here would have time for a brew and a cake with you in the real world - you just need to find the right people

InOverMyHead84 · 20/10/2026 20:15

Never forget that you have done more to keep those children safe then their selfish mother ever has.

As previously said, call 101, talk to them. Stay safe.

OutAndAbouting · 20/10/2026 20:18

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 18:11

I wish I had just said everything I had said and left that one incident out. The other incidents she couldnt link to me as, as mentioned, she is very open about things. But this one thing happened when it was only me and her. I did consider that OK well I could have told a third party that detail but she sorta knows the others wouldnt have said anything.

Its a mess!!! We have only just got settled in the area

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. You have totally done the right thing in speaking out. Just try to take it day from day for the time being and also try not to get too stressed out. I understand your worries. Also do continue to be in touch with 101 and SS if you are worried.