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Reported family to SS and did a Sarah's Law. Mum knows its me. School Mums shunning me

193 replies

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

OP posts:
Seasonofthesticks · 21/10/2026 00:54

DDUndercover · 20/10/2026 17:54

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

You did the right thing but Neurodiversity is not caused by a pregnant woman smoking or drinking. It has recently been discovered that it is in fact as genetic as eye colour. So that insinuation is wrong.

tamade · 21/10/2026 02:32

I can't believe that someone as rough and chaotic as this mum even owns an iron, never mind uses it?

AlwaysNeverSometimes · 21/10/2026 08:55

Seasonofthesticks · 21/10/2026 00:54

You did the right thing but Neurodiversity is not caused by a pregnant woman smoking or drinking. It has recently been discovered that it is in fact as genetic as eye colour. So that insinuation is wrong.

Alcohol can be responsible for cognitive impairment though.

OP, I'm another one saying you did the right thing and that these are not women you want to he friends with. Nor adults you want around your children.

Do nice things with your children over Hallowe'en and Christmas and take some tike to consider how you could meet people who are more like you.

AlwaysNeverSometimes · 21/10/2026 09:00

tamade · 21/10/2026 02:32

I can't believe that someone as rough and chaotic as this mum even owns an iron, never mind uses it?

Very few people are all bad.

It's partly what keeps women in abusive relationships (remembering the good times and believing everyone else only sees the good in their.partner).

Very few parents are poor in every respect and can convince themselves that X is ok because they do Y and Y is a marker of being a good parent.

After all, thats the whole basis of the We Took You To Stately Homes threads.

Tryagain26 · 21/10/2026 09:07

Well done. You may have saved those children's lives. It was obviously difficult but unlike many people you didn't like the other way.
I'm so sorry that doing the right thing has made things harder for you.
Try and take comfort by knowing that it's the other mums who are wrong not you.
There must be some decent people in the school who agree that you did the right thing.
If you are worried for your safety log it with the police and or social services.
Good luck and try and take comfort by telling yourself you are strong and things will get better.

KindlySurfiingPlatypus · 21/10/2026 09:12

You did the right thing and have protected children who were in danger.

You do not need the friendship of anyone who would judge you for that. Every single woman who is shunning you is sharing in the evil that you helped fight against.

A school with that kind of culture prevalent among the parents may not be a healthy environment for your child(ren) - can you get a transfer to another school?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/10/2026 10:11

You’ve done the right thing, she was never going to thank you.
I’m sorry you feel excluded, but I think my best advice to you is try to find other ways of making friends outside of the school parents.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/10/2026 10:11

Also as a former LAC you’re very well placed to understand the risks here and balance them against the risk of foster placement

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/10/2026 10:13

Seasonofthesticks · 21/10/2026 00:54

You did the right thing but Neurodiversity is not caused by a pregnant woman smoking or drinking. It has recently been discovered that it is in fact as genetic as eye colour. So that insinuation is wrong.

foetal alcohol syndrome is a form of neurodiversity! And many of these children or children who are traumatized in other ways get adhd diagnosis as their symptoms are the same. Her behaviour would definitely have impacted her children’s executive functioning, learning and attention skills.

Ethelspagetti · 21/10/2026 11:21

Totaldramallama · 20/10/2026 21:29

Honestly who would want to be friends with people who turned a blind eye to child abuse! Get your head down get through the last few years of playground drama then you can move on with life

Agree with this 100 %

TwinklySquid · 21/10/2026 11:22

They were using you and not ver going to help you back. It can be hard to navigate this but even harder given your ND and background.

Could you move the kids school? I know that’s extreme but could be an option.

You did the right thing. At the end of the day, she wasn’t fit to parent.

CurlyCabbage · 21/10/2026 11:26

Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for your bravery and conviction to do what you felt was right for those children because it sounds like no one else was considering them at all.

People like you are the people that survivors are grateful for. Even if they don't recognise it immediately. When the kids leave these situations, they realise that that one voice made the difference.

I actually teared up reading your OP.

Im sending you so much well wishes and positive vibes. Your kids are lucky to have you. X

DoubleBusy2026 · 21/10/2026 13:24

Mumofthreeteenagers · 20/10/2026 19:51

Well done OP. I applaud you. You are one of the very few people I admire. Standing up for right is hard, thats why there are so many sheep! You stood up, now be safe. Get security, tell the police your worries and get counselling for the past and present so that you can see you really are wonderful. Your children dont need tons of friends but they do need this. Showing them how to turn up for others. Be safe x
Os, truck or treating is better as a family, less intimidating for the people at home!

I completely agree, 100%.

I must admit though, if OP had posted asking IF she should report, 80% of the replies would be saying to “mind your own business” (NOT from me!)

DDUndercover · 21/10/2026 14:02

I called 101 today and someone is going be in touch.
It is half-term after this Friday so we will go and stay with my big brother for a few nights. I was super twitchy last night with any noise setting me off. We have two cat flaps and I was being paranoid about them, esp as we are end of terraced and have an alley behind the house.

I am calming down with the hurt. I think it was just the initial shock and the sudden blocking and the what ifs. Made me spiral a bit.

We had an event at the school today, an entire key stage event. There's clear shunning/back turning by the Mum group (they wouldnt usually save me a seat but would wave etc). It didn't hurt so much and I did have a moment of thinking ffs grow up between the panic and sadness lol

I did speak to the Mum that approached me initially today. Her son is in the same school as the elder DC (the boy) but not the same class. They have various clubs to help children with various issues and he did say he had seen him at Box and Talk this week so thats good.

To the comments about ASD etc being genetic. I fully understand that but FADS is also something that impacts cognition. I wasnt in anyway trying to dismiss ND. I have/am autistic myself.

OP posts:
AlwaysNeverSometimes · 22/10/2026 10:31

I did speak to the Mum that approached me initially today.

There you go.

Not eveyone is shunning you! Take this as a positive.

Also, if the other parents avoid those mums generally because of the sort of people they are, they may well have made the same assumptions about you - guilty by association!

You might find that, with a bit of distance between you and them, this changes.

Lucyslateagain · 22/10/2026 12:49

Good luck going forward op ,,you were braver than me ,I'm not sure I could of done that ..I hope I could of ,but you don't know untill your in that situation.
You should be proud of yourself

potterypieces · 22/10/2026 12:58

You did the right thing.
Unfortunately this may have negative consequences for you.

NovemberMorn · 22/10/2026 13:13

I haven't read the full thread, just the OP's posts.

You have done the right thing; unfortunately, there was a price to pay, which was the other mums shunning you.
I can bet within the gang mentality some are glad the woman has been reported; they didn't have the guts to do it, but no one likes to think kids are in danger.
The fear of repercussions from the family is understandable, but nothing has happened, and hopefully nothing ever will. Your imagination is working overtime right now... just make sure your home is secure and well lit at night, which we all should do anyway.

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