Reported family to SS and did a Sarah's Law. Mum knows its me. School Mums shunning me

[DDUndercover]

My son has been attending a new school for the last year and a half.

It took me a LONG while to be accepted into a Mum's group and tbh they are all a bit rough and didnt align with how I live but some were lovely so it didnt bother me. Some less nice. Some a little awful

Over the last 3 months I became in increasingly concerned about one Mum. She openly lies about her health to get benefits, gives 'advice' on how to milk the system and has a child in year 5 and one in year 8. She is fairly nasty and aggressive. Very mouthy and the whole eff the police and government type. Both kids are ND and cognitively impaired. She took drugs and drank during both her pregnancies as 'no doctor is gonna tell me what to do'.

Anyway this all came to ahead recently when I found out her new partner was unable to see his bio kids due to allegations of sexual abuse. He had spent years inside for violent crime and has tear drop tattoos on his face as well as other various ones on his body including two fairly racist ones. She has moved him in weeks after his release. He is also a heavy drug user.

Then the revelation. She was showing some weekend pics (she went on a boozy weekend) and when I asked where her kids were revealed she frequently left her 9 year old alone with her partner overnight. The same day I found this out she also revealed that she had got annoyed at the kids laughing/making noise on the PS5 and so when her elder DC had walked passed her to get a drink she 'tapped' him with the hot iron - it didnt blister but left a red burn. This is why she went on a boozy weekend, she wanted a break.

The same day this conversation happened I spoke to the school, I did a Sarah's law and called the councils safeguarding team. I told them of both events

I then spoke to the other mums in the group who have known her years and they revealed lots of other horror stories, including how she had temporarily lost custody of her eldest when he was a baby due to her drug use and choice of partner. Her son is also known to SS and the police for another reason which is too outing to say here. It was all very shrug shrug what can we do its what shes like shell never change etc

Later that night I couldnt sleep worrying and called their emergency out of hours service and spilled every single observation I had, stuff I had witnessed and screenshots from her social media page and WhatsApp group messages. All the little niggly things, references and minor concerns.

A few days pass and suddenly I am blocked by ALL the school mums in this friend group. No one is speaking to me. Nothing. We go to clubs together on a Wednesday and no one turned up. All sorts.

Yesterday one of the more distant mums approached me and revealed that both SS and police had attended the property, the partner was in violation of something and was removed and the Mum was questioned. The kids are now on a child protection plan and are having weekly visits. The Mum is ENRAGED.

The issue is this - when I called the emergency line I was quite upset and spilled EVERYTHING - including a detail only I knew. When she was questioned she was asked about this event that only I saw and hence knows its me and has told the others. The others feel that I have betrayed the confidence of the mum group and that we all struggle at times and that I have basically been a snake.

I am finding it hard - I am ASD and struggle socially anyway and theres loads more context here as a LAC myself and wanting to fit in etc. But there was no way I couldnt not do anything.

My BIG fear though - her partner is violent and a heavy drug user. She knows where I live and now she knows I reported her. SS and the police promised to keep my details confidential and did - I slipped when I revealed an event that only I knew about and basically outed myself

Not sure what I am asking. Just feeling nervous. But also very very sad for the kids and myself. I have always been on the outside and finally found people to do playdates with and now I have lost that. I dont regret what I did.

You did the right thing but for your sake and your child’s move to a better area as soon as you can , and I know this did not always possible , but why do you want to have your child around that sort of social issues and dangers . Consider moving , and even if it means a move far away maybe it’s for the better in the long term .

OP, you couldn’t not do what you did, and the absolute shame of those other mothers who knew her children were being treated awfully (tapped with a hot iron, and living with an abuser, FFS!) and did and said nothing. They’re disgusting. Better no friends than friends like that.

About Halloween - look on Facebook and local website for activities happening in your area. There’s usually church groups, community centres, and charities hosting events for free.

Get your kids into clubs like football, scouts, singing, dance, martial arts, gymnastics, art, swimming etc. Whatever works for them. It teaches them new skills, they make friends and build resilience, and they care less about fitting in because it’s not their be all and end all.

You will ride this out. I suspect one of the other mums will break rank eventually but until then take the advice offered on here and keep safe.

You did the right thing OP. If the mums don't appreciate that they are not your real friends.

These women are insane! I dont know any woman who would be anything other than completely in support of you reporting this. You did the right thing for those kids. How can they live with themselves knowing they knew this woman's behaviour wasn't right and just shrugged.

The friends thing will be okay. Mum friends I feel wasnt a thing when I was growing up. My mum wasnt friends really with any of my friends mums. The ones who were lovely may reach out but remember they turned a blind eye too.

What a brave thing to do! You saved those kids!

The only people in this story who shouldn't be utterly ashamed of themselves is you, OP.

If they could I've no doubt those children would thank you.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with women who excuse this mum’s behaviour tbh. You should be proud of yourself for potentially saving her DC from abuse. It’s a horrible situation & this woman is clearly a nasty piece of work.

If they make any threats or confront you report it to the police. Thats how nasty violent people getting away with it, people are too scared to report them.

Sorry about the friends but they don’t sound worthy of your friendship. Is there any local groups you can join for support/friendship? I was quite isolated when my DC were small & was lucky enough to join a local support group which was a lifeline for a few years.

This is what I intended to write.
I would definitely be moving out of the area if at all possible.
You’ve been braver than a lot of people and I hope you have a happier future.

You did the right thing OP. You should be proud of yourself. They sound awful.

As a practical matter, I would ensure the house is secure with cameras etc.

Honestly who would want to be friends with people who turned a blind eye to child abuse! Get your head down get through the last few years of playground drama then you can move on with life

Shame on those mums for knowing this information, and shunning you when you have the decency to care about the welfare of those poor children. I despise people like this.

You have done what they should have done long ago. When it comes to people hurting their children and moving known abusers in to their home, there is no ‘we all struggle’ get out clause. Well done to you for standing up for those children. These women are not people you want in your life. Their values are not good.

I understand how you feel with your fears of revenge attacks. She may not want any more attention drawn to her though. Being honest, I’d want to move right out the area away from it all

This - I don’t want to be alarmist (I am because it’s in my nature!) but please make sure your house is secure - I would seal my letterbox too.
The police should have someone who will come to your home and give advice as you feel threatened.
These people are certainly not to be trusted - who knows what they will do when drunk/drugged/angry.
It’s not fair or right that you’ve had these repercussions when you’ve done the right thing by these poor children.

the reaction shows you’ve done the right thing

last year a mum friend reported me to ss because she believed that i was struggling- it was horrible and I cried, but we are still friends. She did it from a place of concern and at that point I’d have taken any help I could get

Thank you everyone. I have calmed down a little now and sorted through things in my head

Everyone is right about not wanting to be around them. For a long while I wanted to move away from the group as they do not align with my own beliefs (e.g. I dont casually swear around kids etc). The issue is the whole never having a family/tribe. Being in care and moving a lot meant I never had a unit and I REALLY wanted one. Its done and that has its own relief as I was heavily supportive as taxi driver, childcare and PA to some of the Mums. So it'll be nice to have that time back, esp as im studying whilst working so time is always super tight

We cant move away atm for various reasons. I have spent ages on the internet looking at home security and have ordered a few basic bits off Amazon but need some time to get around the rest of whats needed.

It still feels a little surreal. It moved really fast. And its hard to think I have another few years with seeing them frequently. I also feel sad and used as I did a lot for the Mum group. A lot of them cant drive so I would do nearly daily lifts, would write their emails, did ones foodshop every week and loads of other bits. I didnt mind and always felt if I needed it would be reciprocated one day. Instead its not even a convo, its full blocking

GAH!!

Seriously, well done OP. You have acted so corageously and in the best interests of her children when she failed to do so. She sounds horrific and should never be allowed custody of her kids again. They will be relieved, I am sure.

Could you ask SS/police about your fears? Could they provide extra protection?

They would not reciprocate. They were just using you as it is clear to see you want friendship. Those people are just like that. You would be better off just focusing on moving and ideally getting your kids out of that school and away from those vile people. Don't feel bad, be glad you aren't involved with those lunatics anymore. Onwards and upwards. Well done OP, you did great.

OP - I think our children go to the same school, although not the same year as this is very recognisable from school gossip 😳

Although, I live in a shitpit and it could just be a coincidence as this sort of thing happens quite a bit in my children’s school.

But you’ve given a lot of detail and it sounds very familiar. If it is the same school, or even if it isn’t, I wouldn’t want you getting any backlash.

I am in a similar situation btw - moved to a not great area a few years ago and christ, I don’t think people believe what goes on in some places.

You are the only hope for those kids. Such a good deed you did. I reckon all of the other mum's are scared of awful mum so are keeping in line but the truth is she's a terrible mother and abusive and scary, you're not. You stuck up for those kids and showed real bravery. Hopefully, in time the nicer mums will see that and distance themselves from her not you

You are lucky to be blocked. They will try to unblock you next time they want to use you. Block them back.

Go speak to school safeguarding team. Get arrangements in place, maybe a TA can collect/bring your child out to your car so you aren’t coming into contact with any of them. Forget about the ‘other mums’ they aren’t your friends and you have no reason to ever interact with them, its the one you reported and her partner, and maybe extended family, that you need to worry about.

Call the police and get advice as stated by others about making your house more secure.

You did the right thing by reporting, but things will never be the same at that school again, so don’t get involved in anyone else
business, if you haven’t seen anything, you don’t know anything…so being a risk to anyone else (reporting them or the same people again) disappears if they know you have nothing new to report.

the other mums may have sided with her out of fear because they know crossing her (or him) could pose a safety risk to themselves.

You could speak to the school, given the circumstances and the risks, moving your child to another school may be the best resolution. If you are out of sight, you are out of mind. These people who live on high-drama and childish feuds often move on fast to another drama if you step out of their line of sight.

there is also the fact that seeing as a group of mothers are now ganging up on you, and the types of people they sound they a likely to be…they may even try to attack you via your child, so get their kids to bully yours etc.

Hey op, listen, you did the right thing here. She sounds a terrible mother with those things you know about. Imagine all the stuff you dont know about. Remember, those children caught up in this alcohol drug world with random men “dads” turning up for months then leaving. Shes a disgrace.

as for the other school mums, who gives a F. You only did what they darent do. Honestly from my experience of being a friendly mum in the primary school playground, as soon as the kids leave and go to secondary school, they drop you and each other. Theyre just situational friends.

you did the right thing by the kids. Sod the others

I am curious, OP, as to how you seem to know so much about the partner’s non-facial tattoos.

Sounds like they're going to miss you a whole lot more than you'll miss them in that case, this might all be a blessing in disguise.

That's a good idea to in turn block them. They'll miss those lifts OP. It sounds like the group were exploiting your good nature and you were being used. What did they actually do for you?

The child abuse sounds disgraceful. Putting an iron on a kid. They should have been removed and their mum locked up.

She burnt a child’s face with an iron and left a child with a sex offender and the other mothers condone that?

I actually don’t know what to say