At wits end with husbands thoughtlessness

[Pennysgirls]

Just really here for a want. We have 2 young children and we both work full time, I work from home though so am at home more and do most of school runs etc.
husband works in office every day, the reason I’m at my wits end is because he will stop at tesco on way home from work maybe once or twice a week and get himself a few bits, maybe even get me a little treat (which of course is nice) but won’t think to text and ask if we need anything or even use his own brain to think what we might need. Children still in nappies so things like nappies, baby wipes etc are things we go through a lot.
when I speak to him about it he says I should just let him know or I should ask is he going but that’s just one more thing to add to my to do list

I don't think it's that much of a problem to text him if you need something. If he texted you to ask if you need something you'd still have to respond. It's a text message. There are bigger things to worry about.

I have to agree, I think it's much easier for everyone if you text him whenever you realise you need something. It's a 10 second job that would avoid you feeling like this.

I don’t know when he’s going to go though. It could be Fri one week, Monday the next. He just stops when he fancies something

You are the one at home all day, so just text him a list of what is needed for when he goes. Why does he have to text you to ask you to send him a list when you know he is going every other day during the week?

Isn't this a completely solvable issue?

When he comes home from Tesco with nice stuff (for himself!) then would say, ‘you should have rung, we have run out of x, y and z’ then ask him to go back there and get them!

He needs to start to phone you when he is on his way/walking into the supermarket-every time!!

He’s not going every other day, could be once a week, could be twice, he will land in with his own beers and maybe some crisps. If I asked him to stop at Tescos and he wasn’t planning to, he wouldn’t go

this Is exactly what I say to him and he says he didn’t think to let me know. Then I have to go again

But he has said just let him know- so he would likely stop on the way home if you let him know. It takes hardly any time to send a text “Hun, urgently low on wipes and chocolate. Ty”

Set up a shopping list on your smart speaker, you can both add things to the list when you know you're getting low. Ask him to check the list anytime he's popping into a shop.

Just text and say, can you pop to Tesco on the way home, we need …

Have you tried asking him to stop on the way home?

So you notice you are going to run out of nappies. Can you just text and say “hi. Are you going into Tescos today? can you get nappies”. Sorted.

Yes I’ve asked him and he says something like he will get it the next day or I can get it when I’m doing the main shop. Unless he is stopping for something for himself he wouldn’t go to Tescos

Yeah sorry OP this seems like a non issue. Text him if you need something. If he's not going then you don't get it, but you wouldn't have got it anyway cos he wouldn't have texted saying "I'm going to tesco do you want anything".

Unless this goes much deeper this is not an issue which you should be at your wits end about.

And he will say no that he’s not going that day

So you'd be no better off if he did what you say you wanted, i.e. texting you if he was going to go there. I don't get it.

Start up a new WhatsApp group between you and your husband called shopping. Add anything you need into it and he will have a list whenever he goes.

I mean surely it’s not hard to ask your wife if there’s anything she or the children needs/wants especially when he doesn’t do any shopping except these little trips for himself

I'm still confused.

If he's not going why would he ask you what you need?

If you desperately need something that day, don't say 'are you going' say 'can you get x on your way home please, we've run out'

But I agree with PP that a list via Alexa that he looks at whenever he goes to the shop is probably the easiest.

when he is going obviously

I think you're massively overthinking this & getting confused about what you actually want/are annoyed about.

@KiwiFall said if you notice you are going to run out of nappies, text and say “hi. Are you going into Tescos today? can you get nappies”.

You said no because he might say he's not going.

But now you say that you only want him to pick stuff up for you when he is already going.

So text him if you need something and if he's going he'll get it!

I get it, some men dont think to actually look to see if anything is needed themselves and just get it. They have to be asked or told.

Have a running list that you can both see and add to when you're getting short and tell him to look at the list when he's going to Tesco.