At wits end with husbands thoughtlessness

[Pennysgirls]

Just really here for a want. We have 2 young children and we both work full time, I work from home though so am at home more and do most of school runs etc.
husband works in office every day, the reason I’m at my wits end is because he will stop at tesco on way home from work maybe once or twice a week and get himself a few bits, maybe even get me a little treat (which of course is nice) but won’t think to text and ask if we need anything or even use his own brain to think what we might need. Children still in nappies so things like nappies, baby wipes etc are things we go through a lot.
when I speak to him about it he says I should just let him know or I should ask is he going but that’s just one more thing to add to my to do list

I have an OurGroceries app that can be shared between phones and things that you run out of you can add to it. Hopefully, you can both use it that way when he goes to the store he can look to see whatever you’ve added. Hopefully this can work for you guys. The free version does have ads, but they don’t bother me any. But you can do a paid version to remove the ads.

Totally with you on this. He gets his own treats, as and when he feels like it, without thinking that there might be other people around who he might possibly be responsible for (because he obviously isnt) (and well yes he might remember to get you something but not what you want and why should he waste his time even asking your opinion on what you want) its your job to think of whats needed for his child and to get it, not his, obviously, because he's a dick. Sorry thats the way it is. If he goes to a shop to get himself a treat he wont think of texting you to find out if something is ACTUALLY needed by HIS CHILD. It simply wouldnt occur to him, because he's a dick. A selfish git, as per standard. Not his job. Its your job, being the one without the penis, to think of everything that is needed and to get it. and to think of everything that needs doing to keep his child alive, healthy, happy, educated, socialised, and everything under the sun. Not his. THats why he wont and will never even think to messag you, even if you ask him, even if you ask him repeatedly over many many years. And - telling him that IF hes going to the shop would he mind getting something - fat chance! Why on earth would he remember or you even expect him to remember? Anyway, as I said, I am totally with you on this. Dont really understand where the rest of the mums are coming from (having only read the first few responses).

So just text him & add bunch of flowers.

I think the frustration here is the fact he never thinks about you or kids when he is at the shop and thinks only about himself 🙄I feel your pain but sadly some men r selfish twats and just don’t have that pattern of thinking about their nearest and dearest and totally think that’s normal behaviour and if u say about it they make u look like a stress head and say “u just have to ask what’s the problem) well the problem is buddy us mums/wife/girlfriends always think about everyone body else when we r shopping xx i too have one of those men so I called him out on his thinking pattern on being self centered all the time as i alway would think to ask him if he needed anything at the shop!! He now asks finally! So YES I think it is a big deal and it’s bloody selfish, tell him to grow up and stop thinking only of himself he has a family and isn’t a single dude anymore just looking out for himself. Big hugs to u as I have been there lol xx he should have that loving thought of oh I ask if we need anything as that a nice thing to do without u prompting him!

This is for me put up or what is the alternative. Get separated because he goes to Tesco’s and does not get nappies. He is not perfect but neither are any of us.

I never said he was right. I simply said why he was doing it. They arent communicating or working as a team. The little gifts are to apease her and stop her dumping on him every time he walks in the door. He is walking on egg shells around her. They need a reset of expectations and roles. She needs to communicate (so say large number of other respondants on this forum). He needs to do more. She needs to allow him the space to do it.

So, you should just randomly text him every single day with a list, just on the off-chance that he might possibly go to the supermarket for his own selfish needs on his way home? Because he won't actually go if it's just you, or the rest of the family, or the household that has needs, only for his own?
And, you work full time, but from home so you're expected to do all the household labour WHILE doing your job?
What does he actually DO to support the household?

Sorry OP, but this guy is a selfish twat.

Suggest finding Zawn Villine's Substack or FB page, you'll get better advice than this "You just need to communicate better" nonsense.

Or if by "You just need to communicate better" you are meaning "you need to call him out for being selfish" then this would be just tickeyboo.

Why oh why do so many people think it's part of a woman's job to remind her partner that they need something, especially when it's for their children. Think about it from the other side, man works from home, wife goes to supermarket and doesn't pick up nappies, food for babies, food for partner! A lot of people on here would be saying that she should know what's needed.

I'm of the opinion that adult men should start adulting and not be a drain on their partners.

What's wrong with him checking the night before and noticing that nappies, or whatever, is needed? Women need partners, not an extra child to manage!