At wits end with husbands thoughtlessness

[Pennysgirls]

Just really here for a want. We have 2 young children and we both work full time, I work from home though so am at home more and do most of school runs etc.
husband works in office every day, the reason I’m at my wits end is because he will stop at tesco on way home from work maybe once or twice a week and get himself a few bits, maybe even get me a little treat (which of course is nice) but won’t think to text and ask if we need anything or even use his own brain to think what we might need. Children still in nappies so things like nappies, baby wipes etc are things we go through a lot.
when I speak to him about it he says I should just let him know or I should ask is he going but that’s just one more thing to add to my to do list

Yes he’s thoughtless and thinks everything is your job.

Have a shared shopping list and tell him you will only buy what is on the list so he needs to add anything he wants and mean it. Just get what you and the DC need including evening meals.

online ordering. The end.

Use your voice, OP!

So he isnt actually thoughtless then? He just another common or garden selfish git who doesnt give a toss about anyone else?

What a surprise.

Personally I would be losing my rag big style with him over it. It isnt "I didnt think" its "I couldnt care less" and that is unforgivable. Funny how when we start doing the same with (say) their laundry (cos I am willing to bet my car on you doing all of the washing) suddenly its appalling that you "didnt think" to wash his pants.

ETA this is in reference to the fact that if they need something and he is driving past a shop that sells it on the way home he refuses to go.

I keep my list of what we need in a Google doc, which my partner has access to. I need to write down what we need anyway to remember it, so it's not taking me any extra time. Then if my partner is in the supermarket, they already have the list.

Now to be clear, I agree with you that they should just call. I'm on your side.

I agree just a text to say In Tesco Do you want anything? I made my DH go back out again if he did that .

Text him and ask him to pick up what you need on the way home, you don't need to wait until he thinks he might go.🤔

I understand your frustration actually. My husband always messages or rings when he's in a supermarket to see if we need anything, and I'd find it really annoying if he didn't think to ask me. It's not a lot to ask really.

It doesn't solve the problem, but maybe it's worth sharing a shopping list on your phones. Google 'Keep' app is good for shared lists (It might be keep notes app actually). You can set up a tick list and just add things when you think about them, and then whoever is next in the shop picks it up and ticks it off. You can both access it to add / tick stuff off.

My Health Visitor firmly believed that when men go out of the door his family goes out his mind, I'm not sure that's always the case but they certainly are less organised when it comes to supplies

Is there no app that the two of you can mutually access where you keep a running shopping list?

Laziness in action. He doesn't want to do it. No amount of shared apps and lists will help - he'll forget.....
If I was feeling petty I'd go for adverse consequences. Every time he won't go or goes and doesn't ask I'd give him another job. Like bathing, cooking anything. Then I'd go to tesco. Preferably one with a costa .

Totally disagree with poster, why the fuck should you have to text him?! Does he not have a brain that can realise you're out of nappies?!

Don’t know why you’re getting so much flaks @Pennysgirls . He is being thoughtless and acting like he lives alone and doesn’t have to think about anybody else! Maybe just go one step more and tell him it’s his job to make sure the kids always have wipes and nappies and leave him to sort it however he wants to

We have a shared shopping list so whatever each of us adds to the list it goes on both our phones. Way easier. Try it...

Bullshit..that's giving them an out. My partner is the more thoughtful of the two of us in this regard.

This seems like a total non-issue tbh. Could you not just text DH and say “next time you pop to the supermarket could you bring x,y and z please?”

There is. An online divorce and a vibrator.

I agree with you, it's so shitty and thoughtless. Me and DP always call or message each other if one of us is popping in to tecsco, and thats to check if the other fancies something rather than that we need something. I also used to do the same with my flatmate. Its a nice thing to do!

Agree with PP - set up a shared shopping list on both your phones and get him in the habit of checking it any time he’s in a shop.

It makes far more sense for the dh to text he’s on his way to Tesco than it is for OP to text every day saying are you going to Tesco. Common sense really isn’t it.

I think you should text him if you need something.

But I also think it's awful he won't go unless he's going for himself! Won't pick up nappies for his own children?! That's the real problem.

Guaranteed that he will "forget" every single time until she gives up.

Selfish men cannot be "trained" out of it.

Navigate your marriage like two adults you've already got two kids for God sake ... I was expecting a massive long diatribe of angst , unbelievable

this. Can you get X and Y on way home. If he doesn't it's on him.

@Pennysgirls You need to be more patient. Men are solitary animals. Because their default way of existing is in isolation, they normally only have to look after themselves, which is why they think that way.

Living with other people is a new experience. That's why he doesn't yet think in terms of looking after the family.