Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

Wow! I've everything crossed for this OP. When is he back?

Well, I would want to know we were exclusive before sleeping with someone, but as that has already occurred then maybe, who knows

Wednesday next week! I am trying to keep myself calm and not get too carried away

I didn’t think I would be worth it. He’s 37. I am 29. I am divorced, 2 kids. Nice to look at and warm/friendly but not much else is going on and I am really quite bland in lifestyle compared to him

He ticks every box and someone younger/less baggage, with more time to offer would surely be better suited

It just doesn’t add up. Maybe I watch too many Instagram posts about incels saying nobody wants such and such a person

All you can do is try and remember at 2 dates he is a stranger. Try and stay grounded (and guarded but I feel the ship has sailed there).

You don't really know someone til youve been around them a lot longer than this.

All you can do for now is take him at his word and see if his actions meet this.

Yes, this absolutely sounds like love bombing and I would proceed with caution. You don’t know each other at all, and tbh ‘normal’ guys don’t talk like this after only having met twice…I know this won’t be what you want to hear, but this is all red flag territory.

I don’t think you can reasonably say someone is the male version of you when he’s little more than a stranger.

You’re already quite a lot younger than him, so I don’t think you need to worry about not being young enough? You have kids or “baggage”, yes, but a lot of men aren’t put off by that the way women can be. Probably because there’s much lower risk of men becoming unpaid childcare than with the other way round.

Maybe he just really likes you. Wait and see.

How did you first meet, if it sounds to,good to,be true it usually is, what job does he do,that takes him to Singapore.

Given you have 2 children I would proceed very very cautiously here. He may be love bombing, he may be genuine, but only time will tell, and 2 dates is absolutely nothing - so go carefully, take your time, remember you do not know this man regardless of how many amazing, deep conversations you have, don't allow his excitement and charm to blind you to reality, and most importantly, protect your wee heart.

I'd be on your guard. You don't really know this man, and he doesn't know you. This is the heady, lovely time to project all these qualities in a person that may or may not exist.

In my experience, too good to be true is just that. The ones who worship you and put you on a pedestal have no qualms in knocking you down once they're ready to devalue and discard. This could turn into something lovely, it might not.

He is 37, why would someone younger be better suited when you are 8 years younger than him.

sometimes things are just good, they don’t have to be too good to be true. We live life too guarded now, everyone looks for the lie or the negative.

Enjoy it, don’t overthink it, if it works out that’s great, if it doesn’t then onwards and upwards

How have we got to the point where we think someone wanting to be exclusive is a red flag?

I’ve only ever dated exclusively and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Do you have any proof that he's in Singapore and not Stockport?

Let's hope,he doesn't ask if he can move in or you sell up and move in with him, he's not after citizenship or something awful like that is he?

He's super excited to talk to you about something when he gets back? FFS. Sorry OP, that's ridiculous. It sounds like he wants to have a "serious" talk and whether that's about being exclusive or anything else, it's totally weird after such a short time.

After 2 dates with DH he went away for three weeks. Yes, we texted loads and it was fun and nice. But if he'd said he wants to "talk to me" about something I'd have run a mile.

Yes, ask for the flight number and meet him at the airport

How long were you talking before the 2 dates? I'd be wary...but who knows, he might just want to ask you on a weekend away? Which would be lovely!

In the before times if was completely normal to only be sleeping with one person at a time. Basically, if you were shagging, you were probably exclusive.

I think that's completely normal and healthy. Much safer for STIs and pregnancy. No 'who's the father' weirdness, which always rebounds on women.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst. The surprise could be his sex dungeon.

I’m not sure ‘exclusivity’ would enter my head if someone told me they wanted to talk about something they were really excited about. It’s a really odd way of phrasing something and it doesn’t need to be in person. Surely just a ‘oh by the way, I’m not seeing no anyone else, just so you know’ would suffice.

If he said that he had some exciting news that couldn’t be done over the phone, I’d probably be expecting him to say, ‘I’m moving to Singapore with work’!!

I thought you’d say 6, 9 months, not two dates.

You're already of the mindset that he is amazing and you are average and so thinking of him as some grand 'prize'. Even if he is genuine be wary of thinking like this or you may start to accept behaviour you otherwise wouldn't in order to hang onto him.

He may seem great, particularly after only 2 dates, but you really know nothing about him. How he treats you after 3 months, 6 months and so on will show more clearly who he is.

Proceed with caution but enjoy yourself too.

Yeah, part of his work is advertised and I’ve seen the proof he’s out there with clients

You have 2 young kids and you've met this guy twice? I urge you to be cautious. There are men who go after single mothers for a reason.

He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

I did have a peek and it seems he is removed but obviously it may not be true as there are ways around that of course

The wanting to talk to you about something might be in context if you’ve been talking for weeks before you met. If not.. well I’m sure you’ll be on your guard. Do come back and let us know!

I too met someone who was too good to be true when I was divorced with 2 small kids. He didn’t meet my kids for a long time and I was testing his character for years in all situations. He is now my dh of 15 years and still is too good to be true.

Has he been married and if not why? So much for you to find out and validate. Enjoy it!

You have two kids, so I would proceed with caution. You also sound like you’re quite down on yourself, which makes you more vulnerable to love-bombing. Prince Charming doesn’t exist, I’m afraid.