Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

The question you might want to ask yourself is how you would feel if he went on a date with someone else.

Do you mind being exclusive with him? Or do you want to carry on dating other men as well as him?

If you don't mind being exclusive, all is well and good. No red flags here.

Just remember the ground rules

1. He doesn't get to meet your DC for about a year - not until you are 100% certain this is a long term thing, which you cannot be sure of before a good year.
2. No plans for the future. Every time he raises the future, bat it away with a 'lets wait and see, it is still early days yet'. You could allow talk in very general terms about things like whether you would want any more children, but absolutely no promises and no commitments.
3. Absolutely he does not get to move in with you into your house for at least 5 or 6 years. Even then be extremely cautious and look very carefully at the finances.

If he pushes on any of these points, that would be a red flag.

As long as you stick to rules to protect yourself, go ahead and have fun.

As for me, I was okay with multi-dating if it never got to the point I was sleeping with someone. Such as if it was just a first or second meet in public with one guy on Thursday and plans with another on Saturday. But yes, once intimacy came into the picture, I liked to focus on that one guy, and I wouldn't continue dating him if he was having sex with one or more other women as well.

To me, being exclusive at an early point is nothing psychologically major, because you have no idea if the relationship will wind up serious and longterm. IMO, it's in my comfort level to be exclusive sexually, focusing solely on one another, while discovering along the way if we're a good match or not without outside interference. Not fun to think of the person you're into making out with another.

You have to know your dating style and only date people who match with that. If you're all about sleeping with multiple people, make sure whomever you date is okay with that and that you're okay with him boinking multiple people. If you each want to focus on each other solely, then that's the agreement you should instill. Even if you're exclusive, if one decides to end it in 2 days time or 2 months time, so what? You gave it a go. Being exclusive doesn't mean you've done something as egregious as moving in together too soon or marrying too soon, which would have major complications if a break up happened.

Anyway, it's good to be excited over a new dating prospect, while also guarding your heart at the beginning and having a wait-and-see attitude. We all know about the heady honeymoon period. The real person emerges after that stage, so let time reveal all.

What if she wants more kids? What if he wants kids?

Hold on, you don't know this man. As for not doing casual sex surely sleeping with someone on the second date could well fall into this category? Give it a year. Or two. Then make up your mind, especially with young children to consider.

So he should keep having sex with other women for a year while they date?

I would be optimistic but very cautious. Why did his last relationship end? When did it end? If he’s so amazing, why is he single? If he doesn’t do casual, why is he dating younger women and not women his own age who might be more likely to settle down?
Not trying to burst your bubble because he sounds fab so far, but best not to get ahead of yourself as he is still practically a stranger. And things that seem too good to be true often are

Exactly. See where it goes over the next year or 2, but don't get caught up in his excitement, which may or may not be real. Keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, be pragmatic, and give it time.

I would be weary but I wouldn’t end things over this.

Remember there is a reason he’s single and you probably won’t know him properly until at least 6 months in.

I find dating exhausting and so if I’m dating and having sex with 1 man already then I can’t be bothered carrying on looking, even though I’m not technically choosing to be exclusive.

If something or someone sounds too good to be true, then there is something that you are not aware of.

Please slow your feelings/optimism down for a second and switch on your pragmatic side. Do some due diligence and give the situation TIME.

You are not a teenager without responsibilities.

This guy is an absolute stranger. Be careful and don't rush.

If he's as lovely as you think he'll be happy to wait.

He is future faking at very outside.

Indeed - often on these threads, after a promising first or second date, the lovely guy is off abroad with work for a week and can't wait to return! Whether they ever do or not, who knows

I hope it turns out well - and at 29 to his 37 OP don't talk yourself down!

Sounds like a love bomber. He doesn’t know you enough to know what he wants with you. And vice-versa.

He’s telling you shit you want to hear. Far too much too soon.

You’re already vulnerable in this situation because you’re a lot younger than him and a single mother, and that’s not me being patronising. You sound like you don’t have a lot of confidence if you think you have “baggage” and think someone younger than you would be “better suited”.

Don’t get your hopes up. Take things slowly. You can continue to date him, get to know him without it being serious and exclusive so early on.

I’d be quite wary of him until you really get to know him and have been on many more dates.

'Now we have found each other' is bonkers language for a second date...! Massive red flag, because he's making a promise (ie that he'll want to keep going with this) that he has no idea if he can keep.

I was with you till point three, five or six years, give over,

How can he be future faking after meeting twice, ! They are practically strangers

After experience with a love bomber and master manipulator, I would say you need to calm down. You don't know this man. Two dates means nothing. He seems very full on.

Proceed with caution and keep your wits about you but why can't you have the fairytale?
Good luck.
X

Absolutely. If he wasn't so fantastically gorgepus this declaration would have you running for the hills.

Yeah but the op is loving it, giving the same energy back and hoping for even more.

To actually delete the dating app after only 2 dates is giving me alarm bells. I know it's entirely possible to fall for someone very quickly, but to actually tell you he's deleted the app already comes across as either being a bit needy and creepy or a love bombing narcissist.

But you clearly don't find it creepy, so it's up to you I guess. I suppose it depends how long you chatted for before you met him as well.

Someone who doesn't do casual sex yet managed to sleep with you on a second date.....? Sounds like he's spinning you a line to make you feel special and different.

People who don't do casual sex generally want to know someone a fair bit longer than that. But then I suppose he told you you were the absolute exception and would never usually sleep with someone so soon, but he already knows he's so nuts about you?

If it’s too good to be true, it usually is.
We could all be completely wrong but just be on your guard, especially with young children.
I was loved bombed years ago I thought the relationship in the early days was amazing the best one I’d ever had, but he turned out to be the worst.! He ended up being a controlling narcissist. Thankfully I woke up to this very quickly and got out of there pretty sharpish.

He doesn’t do casual sex, but you had sex on your second date? Sounds contradictory to me.

I’d be very wary of the love bombing. This happened to me. Once he had me hooked, he then withdrew, played mind games, emotionally and mentally abused me. It took me a good 18 months to get over it.

I hope it’s genuine, but proceed with caution.

Seems perfectly reasonable. Why on earth would you move a man into your home when you have 2 young children before then?

I am slightly at a loss that one would think of going out with someone and having sex with them whilst going out with someone else and having sex with them too. One lover at a time is a good rule to keep to.