Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

I’d be very cautious that he’s too good to be true. I’m not sure why you jumped to exclusivity when he said he had something to talk to you about. Surely he’d just say that he wants to be exclusive?
I think it’s more likely he has a dark secret or a sexual kink that he wants to explain to you in person. Good people are straightforward, those who play games or get so attached so quickly are rarely genuine.

I can say now without any shadow of any doubt he is a walking red flag who is MASSIVELY love bombing you. I meet guys like this all the time unfortunately. Wait till he pulls back and discards you then you'll see it for what it is.

You don't know the idiot and it's alarming you don't seem to be considering your kids. You only have to see what's gone on in the news this week. Be careful!

"I think it’s more likely he has a dark secret or a sexual kink that he wants to explain to you in person."

Maybe he has been reading 50 shades. 😜

I felt this but I've read The Psychopath and The Bygamist books by Mary Turner Thomas and this rings so many alarms from her books (they are non fiction). And definitely worth a read, she was a single ,um and thought she had finally found her prince charming....

This, I'm afraid.

I hope it is all true for you OP. But it sounds way too much too soon. He doesn't know you and you don't know him, proced wtih caution as the above poster says.

@NovemberMorn It’s with fairly grim experience that my mind went to this as the last time someone said similar to me it was to explain and rationalise his sexual preferences. No judgement but it wasn’t for me. I don’t think he was the type to read 50 shades but it was rather niche!

DH and I got engaged after 6 weeks, and so it's precisely because of that I'm well aware of the risks. Now that we've been together for 32 years and are a lot older and wiser, I look back and wonder wtf were we thinking! The difference (in addition to the whole exclusive thing - which wasn't a thing way back then) was I didn't have 2 young children to consider. There's no way I would have rushed into something if I had - I didn't know DH and he didn't know me, we just didn't. Fortunately for us it worked out, but it doesn't in so many cases.

Just how good looking is he, Op? Does he resemble any one famous just to give us an idea of the level? @Heyandheytoday

Agree.. this in itself is a red flag. Manipulation.

Also the love bombing and the professed sharing of interests (even with photographic evidence).

If something feels off it is off.

I'd say be very cautious and take things slowly... But that ships already sailed. He sounds like a love bomb!

Don't overthink it, sometimes you meet someone amazing and it's great!

I had 3 kids when I met a guy I really liked OLD. I didn't rush it but 12 years later we're married with a 9 ye old I definitely didn't expect.

Hes actually perfect

don't rush, for sure. But definitely don't try to find fault where it doesn't exist and just enjoy it

OK, come on OP. I know I am knocking on a bit but this is how it used to be, a guy asked you out on a date, you had a couple of dates and then you decide if its going anywhere and you go exclusive.

So one of two things, and I know I am old fashioned, you slept with each other on the 2nd date after he told you he did not do casual flings, so this will either be a very short lived relationship or you are both keen and only you know which way this will possibly go as we weren't there.

Just to be clear here, I am not sermonising, I slept with my husband of 15 years on the 2nd date (and that was an anomaly for me) but it felt right, I don't do casual sex. I was either going to get my fingers burnt big time (and no offence if you want casual sex, that.s fine - I did not) or my gut instinct was going to win out as it did.

If you are a decent person, why can't he be the same? Trust him until he gives you reason not to, or until you decided he is not for you.

Just out of interest, when he told you pre-date that he did not do casual relationships, what was your reply as that sets the tone of the potential relationship.

I am afraid I totally agree with this @Heyandheytoday and I say this as someone who was a single parent for many years. I didn’t date till my DS was an adult. Entirely my choice of course. I would probably be thought of as old fashioned nowadays. Please just proceed with caution with this man or any others.

OP, he could be a master con artist or the love of your life, the issue is you won’t know which until you slow down and get to know him.

My last partner asked me to be in a relationship after two dates; I accepted and we ended up being together for two years. I don’t regret it as I followed my heart but he definitely sold me a bit of a dream the first few months which I inevitably fell in love with and then had to get to know the real him after that. Ultimately, we weren’t compatible as partners but I learned that while in the relationship instead of during the dating stage where it’s easier to walk away.

If he asks to be exclusive or in a relationship, it’s fine to say you want to spend more time with him before putting labels on it. Enjoy it, be vulnerable if you if feel comfortable but always move with caution as your kids are your first priority.

I’d just enjoy it and see how it goes and do not commit to anything for six months.

Yes, like a younger Akshay Kumar. Most people will have to google him I think but yeah, type in young Akshay Kumar

Well, DH "love bombed" each other when we first met, but we were both 22 with no kids.
If it's right, it's right.
With kids I would be more cautious.
I don't understand this "exclusive" thing, but back in my day we didn't date multiple people at once anyway.

This screams love bombing. And the fact you have children raises even more questions. You should watch ‘should I marry a murderer’ on Netflix.

I think asking for exclusivity is ok - I would want that if I'm sleeping with someone.

Wanting to monopolise all of your time, sulking if you want to see friends or family, or just want a night to yourself - that I would see as a red flag! Enthusiasm is great, wanting to spend time with you is great, having a lot in common, also great. Just remember that it takes time to really get to know someone and there's no rush - enjoy the getting to know you stage and put the brakes on if it's all going too fast for you.

Personally I've never not been exclusive because I can't cope with too much going on at anytime in dating/ relationship terms, but the only time it's been stipulated/ discussed that early it turned out to be love bombing, and eventually abusive.

@Heyandheytoday , you really have no idea what he's going to ask you, so may have run away with yourself here.
Once you're done being giddy, pull yourself together and approach this a bit more cautiously.
I'm sure you're a wonderful young woman who has a lot to offer, so don't sell yourself short because you think he's so fine. Maybe he's infertile and wants a family and a young wife, both of which you are. Just steady yourself.

Well this was how it was years ago, you started seeing someone and stopped seeing other people.