Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

^ this
hopefully it is just a lovely guy being genuine but also could be a man who is love bombing or wanting access to kids from a woman who believes she isn’t worth it so will be grateful or over the moon. I’m suspicious of men who want to move quickly. May be cynical but I would just be wary

What a wanker 😡 I know you're supposed to maintain your dignity etc but I'd be tempted to message him and tell him he's an utter shitbag then block him!

As for why guys do this. it's duper's delight

The script is always the same once you spot it.

Before meeting: builds intimacy over text, drops the "I don't do casual" line early, then love bombs. "I can't believe you're available." "You're too good to be true." Plus the shared interests that feel too perfect. He's collected those over years so it looks spontaneous. It's not.

Dates: first meet is charming, first date ramps up, second date sex. For you it's a milestone. For him it's the finish line. Clock starts ticking.

Then he conveniently goes away for work. Keeps you warm from a distance. "Can't wait to see you." "We'll talk properly when I'm back." You spend the week imagining a future. He spends it detaching.

He comes back warm again. "Never felt so comfortable with anyone." Then the hook. "We aren't seeing anyone else, right?" Offers you exactly what you want so he can take it away. More sex. Last bit of supply before the exit.

Then the switch. Cold but still polite. Re-asks basic stuff about your life. How old are your kids again? He knew before you met. He's re-asking because he never actually stored it. You were an experience, not a person. Small nasty comment slips out. Then silence. Left on read. No explanation.

Back on the app. New audience. Same script.

The goal was never a relationship. It was the whole arc. The chase, the belief, the sex, the power of the discard. Sex was the occasion, not the purpose. He gets off on the deception itself.

The red flag was never what he said. It was the speed. Real connection doesn't need a script. And real people don't forget how old your kids are after sleeping with you twice.

This answer is a good example of why people should read the whole thread, or at least all the OP's own updates, before replying.

OP, I'm sorry he turned out to be a complete arsehole, but at least you found out early on and didn't have any more of your time wasted. I hope you've blocked him now.

If you do bump into him - he's the one who should be embarrassed, not you. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. You had a couple of dates with someone and spent the night - the fact that he turned out not to want more than that doesn't mean you have anything to be embarrassed about. He's the one who should be embarrassed, frankly, because he sounds like a grown man with the dating mentality of a 14-year-old boy.

Time to block. Just in case he comes crawling back for a shag. They can be brass necked enough believe me.

I was sitting like a nodding dog at this. Every single thing. Dupers delight is exactly what it is.

How awful. I’m glad I did my dating before this was the way men behaved.

I'm going to go against the grain here but if I were on the OP's shoes in two weeks would message this guy something in the line of "hi Joe, how does one go from asking comittment on second date to ghosting with no explanation all in the space of two weeks? The whole thing is really weird and seems a bit scripted so I thought you might offer some enlightment. Thanks, Jane"

He doesn’t deserve any further attention from her. He will love it and it will make him feel powerful. So please don’t do this OP.

No NO NÒÒOOOOOO, don’t do that,

Definitely block him. He will likely come back again at some point otherwise.

I’ve been following this thread and as soon as I saw your update I said (out loud) ‘oh no!’ I really, really wanted you to have your fairytale (occasionally, they do happen).

What a douche. That’s all I have to say - douche bag and I’m sorry he (briefly) entered your life. Glad you’ve got a lovely new bed though. ❤️

What a prick.
onwards and upwards, OP

The way i see it is that this guy expects her to go silent after the ghosting, that's what women do after all: be good girls, be quiet, don't make a fuss and stay home and sulk while he does the same thing to the next single mother, and that's why men continue getting away with bad behaviour: because we stay silent, apparently it's the "dignified thing to do".

Personally I would call on this guys BS, he'll probably block me but who f--- g cares (I don't).

I was ghosted after 6 months of dating and did the whole “dignified silence” thing but in hindsight wish I’d let rip at him! I’m sure it would have helped me get over it faster.

I think he would get a kick out of knowing that he had upset her

Personally I wouldn't give a toss what he thinks or feels, this would be about me and making myself feel better.

That’s fair enough then.

Oh OP I’m sorry. I suppose least he didn’t drag it out too long and sounds like he was an enjoyable shag - and you can congratulate yourself on your spider-senses being spot on. Ugh.

Enjoy your new sheets!

So doing the maths her, he was in his last retionship from age 30 to 36 and says they were too young when the met? How old was his partner then.

Basically I don't think 30 is too young so the reason he broke up might be worth probling a little more. . Especially if his former partner wanted a family.

RTFT

I won’t be messaging anything further. I understand why some ladies here would want to be he just isn’t worth the time or me wondering what he will reply. What’s done is done.

I was wondering if I could ask for you advice on some other subtle things I picked up on during our last encounter.. Before meeting me, he tried 3 times! To get me to push the date forward. I can’t remember exacts but for example I said let’s meet on Wednesday and he said Tuesday morning if we could change it. I already explained why this wouldn’t work. Yet he (very sweetly in a messaging sense) asked yet again! And then again, the next time he tried to get me to change the time? Saying he just couldn’t wait to meet me and was just too excited so wanted to do so ASAP. It’s like he wasn’t taking no for an answer for an earlier date or time, and I started to feel a bit awkward like I was creating excuses as to why! But I had already told him from the off why not…

During our last meet up, during sex, sorry TMI but I was in a position and it sort of made a funny noise. I was so embarrassed, as it’s a new partner type thing 🫣 anyway, I sort of subtly laughed and went to move, and he firmly stopped me from changing position. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because I was enjoying it and at the time, it felt like reassurance that he wasn’t embarrassed by it or disgusted

Lastly, he had some post it notes on his bathroom mirror. His hand writing was tiny and I don’t need glasses but couldn’t actually see properly so after a wee and washing my hands, asked him what they were. He said he was studying something, but looked slightly, ever so slightly, annoyed that I’d asked. When pressed on what he was studying, I can’t remember his exact wording but I saw a flicker of annoyance cross his face and then he went onto say he’s got to get sorted with that soon as an exam is coming up. Then changed the subject

All subtle red flags, right?

I also wanted to say I am no longer upset at the situation. The sex was really good. But that’s it. Some parts of him did make me cringe thankfully and it goes to show, your gut is often right

@Heyandheytoday he was pushing your boundaries so he could fast forward duping you. firmly holding you in place is absolutely foul and rather confirms his scumbag status.

Trust your gut. Always.

Like the above poster said... he was pushing/testing your boundaries. This guy is starting to sound quite like a text book narcissist. I wouldn't be surprised if he's giving you the silent treatment on purpose (that's what they do) in order to enjoy you chasing him feeling upset. Now I think that it's better to stay silent with this guy, don't chase. I wouldn't b surprise if in two weeks from not hearing from you he panics and gets back with the lamest of excuses. Toss this one asap OP, he's bad news.

Not sure if it's been recommended already but I suggest you look up the Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook/Instagram. She's also written a book.
I've given up on men but I do enjoy reading her posts.