Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

229 replies

Heyandheytoday · Yesterday 15:04

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

OP posts:
ImmortalNowBabyDoll · Yesterday 15:44

There's no red flags here. Why would a 37 date an under 29 yo? This is a perfectly normal age gap.

Just2please · Yesterday 15:45

You have two very young kids.

No! Just take things slowly and have fun fgs

He seems too good to be true.

LeebLeefuhLurve · Yesterday 15:45

He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

🚩🚩🚩

MissMoneyFairy · Yesterday 15:46

Heyandheytoday · Yesterday 15:41

He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

I did have a peek and it seems he is removed but obviously it may not be true as there are ways around that of course

Do you think sex on the 2nd date is casual sex?

Just2please · Yesterday 15:46

Something “doesn’t add up”

yes a man who wants to go exclusive with a mother of two very young children and barely knows her.

what is his history?

Just2please · Yesterday 15:47

There is something very weird about this thread. Both parties.

MissMoneyFairy · Yesterday 15:47

How many dating "apps" was he on that he's deleted

Mulledjuice · Yesterday 15:49

Heyandheytoday · Yesterday 15:41

He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

I did have a peek and it seems he is removed but obviously it may not be true as there are ways around that of course

sorry but that sounds insane. if he looked ordinary you'd think he was way too full-on

SirChenjins · Yesterday 15:49

MissMoneyFairy · Yesterday 15:46

Do you think sex on the 2nd date is casual sex?

I was going to say the same thing! Sex on date 2 is pretty casual - unless it develops into something over the next few weeks and months, you've already done the thing he assured you, cub's honour and pinkie promise, he doesn't do.

Makingsenseofitall · Yesterday 15:51

When I was young it was assumed you were exclusive as soon as you went on a date with someone. So it doesn’t seem strange to me at all. Trust your instinct is my best advice. Is there any harm that can be found in carrying on? Would you be wanting to date others anyway?

Just2please · Yesterday 15:53

SirChenjins · Yesterday 15:49

I was going to say the same thing! Sex on date 2 is pretty casual - unless it develops into something over the next few weeks and months, you've already done the thing he assured you, cub's honour and pinkie promise, he doesn't do.

Exactly

added to which…. How stupid must you be to say you don’t do casual sex with a straight face… and then promptly do it?!

Autumnishere1 · Yesterday 15:53

Why is is automatically a red flag to some people that someone could genuinely want exclusivity after 2 (good) dates? Not everyone wants to do multiple dating.

When i was online dating, I only dated one person at a time. Him the same. We only had 3 dates before starting a relationship, not months and months of casual dating. Now married..

He could be love bombing, or just a genuine person wanting a relationship. Time will tell.

Just2please · Yesterday 15:53

Makingsenseofitall · Yesterday 15:51

When I was young it was assumed you were exclusive as soon as you went on a date with someone. So it doesn’t seem strange to me at all. Trust your instinct is my best advice. Is there any harm that can be found in carrying on? Would you be wanting to date others anyway?

Before apps I am guessing!

Just2please · Yesterday 15:54

Autumnishere1 · Yesterday 15:53

Why is is automatically a red flag to some people that someone could genuinely want exclusivity after 2 (good) dates? Not everyone wants to do multiple dating.

When i was online dating, I only dated one person at a time. Him the same. We only had 3 dates before starting a relationship, not months and months of casual dating. Now married..

He could be love bombing, or just a genuine person wanting a relationship. Time will tell.

Why? Because this is a woman with two young children. It deserves much more time

Autumnishere1 · Yesterday 15:55

Just2please · Yesterday 15:54

Why? Because this is a woman with two young children. It deserves much more time

I get that. I didn't have kids to think about. However I disagree with people saying someone wanting exclusivity is automatically a red flag.

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · Yesterday 15:55

This all sounds wild! You’re very ‘caught up’ and giddy OP. Just calm the fuck down! We all want the best in love and relationships, of course we do, but this is wildly insane!! Step back just a minute and look at this with a mother’s eye…you have two small children. Think ‘Safeguarding’ before ‘Shagging’. Seriously! For yourself as well as your children.

Just2please · Yesterday 15:56

Autumnishere1 · Yesterday 15:55

I get that. I didn't have kids to think about. However I disagree with people saying someone wanting exclusivity is automatically a red flag.

Edited

Again, I disagree when there’s someone with very young children

Just2please · Yesterday 15:56

To be honest, both @Heyandheytoday and the guy are showing major red flags to me

PashaMinaMio · Yesterday 16:03

Speaking from experience, this is Love Bombing.

IF he comes home talking of “future plans,”that could be Future Faking.

Take it easy girl. No introducing to yr kids for months & months yet, keep up the contraceptives and take off the rose tinted glasses.

Enjoy the butterflies and lust but stay grounded.

DarkLion · Yesterday 16:03

LeebLeefuhLurve · Yesterday 15:45

He told me on the actual second date that he doesn’t do casual sex, that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

🚩🚩🚩

I was exactly the same at that. As someone who’s had previous relationships with controlling behaviour it immediately sets off alarm bells

Lexibletheflexible · Yesterday 16:09

He probably means he wouldn't start a sexual relationship/carry on dating someone he knew he didnt have a future with. A lot of people, especially men, will date someone for a while and take a lot of "steps" with them like meeting friends etc knowing they already have reasons why they would never settle down with that person.

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · Yesterday 16:11

He slept with on either the first or second date, so he clearly does do 'casual' sex (nothing wrong with that, but it's disingenuous of him to say he doesn't). Saying you've 'found each other' after two dates is nuts. You both need to calm the fuck down.

For me, though, the thing that rings the most alarm bells is this -

He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back

People who say 'I've got something exciting to talk to you about' and then leave you hanging for a week and leave you hanging, constantly wondering about what it is, are manipulative cunts. He knows full well you'll be on tenterhooks wanting to know what it is and he knows that means you're wrapped round his little finger. It's been two dates and so far, everything's been on his terms and he's calling all the shots.

If he was sincere, he would have told you about whatever it was he wants to talk about straight away, not left you hanging for a bloody week while he swanned off to Singapore so you had to spend the whole week with your stomach churning waiting for his big reveal.

He's loving controlling the situation and he's making everything dramatic and intense.

(I'm also not actually convinced he really is in Singapore, no matter what his Instagram says, but who knows?)

littleburn · Yesterday 16:12

So he’s not actually asked for exclusivity, you’re just speculating that may be the big thing he wants to talk to you about? I’d wait to see what it actually is before getting too fixated on this.

Also, in my experience, some people are not ‘love bombers’ in a malignant way and actively lying to reel you in. They can genuinely mean what they say ‘in the moment’, but then the moment passes, the initial excitement fades and cold hard reality sets in.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · Yesterday 16:17

as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other so he wanted to see where it went and not waste time investing elsewhere

How long WERE these dates, days? because that seems awfully fast to be making dramatic declarations like that.

Just2please · Yesterday 16:18

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity

so he not actually asked you!!

You are the red flag