Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

I admit I got stuck on that part too! Seems he very much does do casual sex. I’d be a bit cautious here op. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having sex, but what he’s saying isn’t adding up, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be exclusive and see how it goes but he’s being rather over the top and, dare I say, performative.
Also, and it’s horrible to have to say, but pp are right. Some men do target single mothers, and you need to be cautious of that.

Strong chance this is love bombing so go at a decent pace and remember you don’t know him well at all

This is super wise

Proceed with caution. And when did ‘agreeing to be exclusive’ become a thing? Isn’t it something that just happens naturally when you are dating? Or is this an online dating thing? Gives me the ick a bit.

Too good to be true.

I'm an old cynic. Sorry, OP.

I think it was kind of an unspoken rule that if you were a fairly decent person and dating, that once you'd slept with someone several times and were seeing them on a regular then it was kind of a given you'd stop sleeping with other people. The 'exclusive' convo didn't really happen in the same way.

Unless it was clearly fairly obviously FWB or an ONS then green flag types would assume regular dates and sex usually meant exclusivity.

Though It was discussed in maybe a more round about way, like 'are we going out together then?/do you wanna be my b/gf' so it was just that term wasn't used really.

I guess that did leave some room for confusion and disappointment. But it did seem on the whole to work.

I second this very good advice, as a single mother. Please be aware that there are men out there who fish for single mothers (who they perceive to be easy targets/starved for attention, etc) and so gain access to their children. It’s not a nice thought but you do need to have your head screwed on and not ignore any gut feelings that something isn’t quite right. He could be lovely and maybe this is the start of smthn amazing. Or he might be a predator. Please approach it sensibly, for the sake of your kids.

Disclaimer: I haven't RTFT yet so he could be a cat fingerer for all I know but why does someone being keen have to be a red flag all the time?

Is that a typo or is cat fingering a thing??

Also to add: the love-bombing and “I only want smthn serious, ie: I want to live with you and your kids” is a red flag in this regard.

This. Back in the day, exclusivity was the default, god knows why we did a 180 on this.

Proceed with caution OP, and I really hope it works out

He sounds lovely and I have everything crossed for you. But I urge caution as I think people reveal their true selves gradually.

This is what I am thinking

He really does seem too good to be true. So handsome. I am not low on self esteem but I also don’t want to be foolish. Why would a successful bachelor of 37 pursue someone who is divorced with 2 DC and 29?

He could have someone younger (not necessarily age but in life experience), with no DC etc.

After 2 dates??😀

call my a cynical old boot but a man saying things like ' I can't believe you're single' does ring slight alarm bells to me.

I have been around the block, dated many men! and learnt some hard lessons - I do think that men who overly compliment in early days and promise a lot ARE less trustworthy

This does NOT mean it won't work out! It just means you ahve to really be careful. You absolutely do not know him until several dates in - assume you need to see and learn a lot more to trust him.

Ultimately - he is being 'loose' with his feelings and emotions and promises and in my (Long) experience - stable sensible men don't behave like that.

Well, it all sounds a bit odd to me. Just wait until he gets back and stay cool. Keeping you on tenterhooks for a week ‘about something’ is manipulative behaviour however.

I agree with the keeping you in suspense

Try to think - imagine a really calm, reliable and emotionally stable man - and ask would they behave like this? A sensible man who values himself would not have a new woman in his life dangling on a string and pouring emotion on them.

I

It all sounds very full on for two dates. Be careful! There may be a very good reason he is still single.

It's not a typo.
Sadly it's definitely a thing. There was a man who lived near my IL who did it. 😩

Just take things slowly I think. If he likes you as much as he says, then he will respect that. At the beginning of dating everyone tries to be their best selves to some extent, not just him, so you just have to see how things go. Not just what he says but what he does, the micro things. After two dates, you only have the superficial version of him (good looking, seemingly got his life together, good company etc) which might be too good to be true, and the reality as time goes on might be different. I really don’t want to rain on your parade though, just be careful and there is no need to rush. I really hope things work out x

It's obviously lust at first sight...and that can turn into love, I know, because it happened to me and I have been happily married (mostly) for decades.
But...I didn't sleep with my husband on the second date, I got to know him first, and I didn't have any children to worry about.
He didn't come on so strong so quickly either, we knew each other for 18 months before we married....and I think that was quick.

My advice, he could be the love of your life, or he could be on the lookout for vulnerable women who think he is Gods gift and use that to his advantage.
Only time will tell.

Prob gonna ask for money or to move in, sorry OP.

Sounds very much like my partner and I when we got together…. 7 years ago!

🤞 for you op! Regardless of what MN says, there are some decent loving and amazing guys out there!

How long were you talking to him OP before you met him, weeks?
It’s a bit odd saying he wants to talk to you properly about something after two dates.
I’d say proceed with caution as you have 2 children.