Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

505 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:04

Yikes, bit long sorry but I wanted to give the full details!

OP posts:
summitfever · Today 14:06

Sounds like a waste of time op, he’d have been in touch by now if he was worth bothering with

LifeTakeTwo · Today 14:09

Message him!

If he doesn't reply then who cares, you'll never see him again anyway.

If he dies reply positively then win win

You don't ask you don't get.

BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:13

summitfever · Today 14:06

Sounds like a waste of time op, he’d have been in touch by now if he was worth bothering with

Stop being so sensible 😆

But I hear you...on one hand I'm thinking the same thing but but but on the other hand, I was remembering how shy he was, asking permission to kiss me, hold my hand.

Gah, I'm 52 I really should know better!

OP posts:
justforthis · Today 14:25

You've got nothing to lose, just message him. If you don't get a response then I guess you'll know

Morecoffeeneedef · Today 14:30

One quick message. 'Hi, are you back home now, fancy meeting up?' Then if no reply in say 3 days , delete and block him.

Spoonfedforks · Today 14:30

It's strange that he has not replied it would make me wonder whether he really was single after all. Maybe his shyness was actually guilt that he had someone back home? If you haven't heard from him there will be a reason why he hasn't been in touch. Or he's not that into you sorry op. I wouldn't force it.

BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:31

IF I messaged, what the fudge do I say without appearing desperate 😆

I hate the dating world, I was in a LTR (30 years) until late last year, this is the first bloke I've actually met since and I don't want to come across as desperate/needy

OP posts:
CrazyCatLady2026 · Today 14:33

If he was that keen he would of messaged you by now. I would just forget about it and remember you had a nice time.

Grumblegrumblegrumble · Today 14:33

Sounds like made the first contact and is waiting for you to make the second contact.

Lexy2345 · Today 14:35

Message him! Just say you had a lovely time and would like to meet up again sometime. If he doesn't reply within a day or two, then you have your answer.

LittleMonks11 · Today 14:35

Message him. Ask if he got back ok. Be great to see you. Let me know how you’re fixed next few weeks. If he doesn’t reply, end of story.

Tel12 · Today 14:36

Don't message him
If he wanted to he would. It's a holiday fling, nothing more.

CointreauVersial · Today 14:36

Message him once, keep it light-hearted.

If you don't hear back, or get the brush-off, just move on.

Springup24 · Today 14:36

Oh, please message him. If you get no reply, nothing is lost. And you never have to see him again. But if he does reply...

BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:37

Right, sod it I've nothing to lose, now, what do I say...?!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · Today 14:39

Morecoffeeneedef · Today 14:30

One quick message. 'Hi, are you back home now, fancy meeting up?' Then if no reply in say 3 days , delete and block him.

Agree with the first bit of this, but no idea why you’d need to block someone who’s told you through actions they’re not interested.
there is no harm op in sending one message like this, making sure you leave it totally in his court so that you know the answer if he doesn’t respond. You’ve nothing to lose.

NorthFacingGardener · Today 14:39

Just message him!
He might be at home wondering if he was meant to message you, or you were going to message him, or wondering if you only snogged him because you were tipsy and now you’re home you’ll be regretting it.. etc etc.

If you message him you’ll have an answer either way about whether he’s interested and you won’t have to keep wondering.

purplecorkheart · Today 14:41

He could be waiting for you to message or else he could be treating it like a holiday romance. Unless you message you never know. You could text back something like hope he got home alright and that back to work is going ok. Tell him to give you a shout if he fancies catching up for a drink. Then the ball is in his court.

CeffylCoch · Today 14:43

Do you live anywhere near each other?

TheSmellOfSea · Today 14:44

Yes just send a quick message. Especially seen as he's shy.

bettyrubble99 · Today 14:44

Not silly at all.
I'd message him but also give him a time limit on a reply and if you haven't heard from him (say 48hrs) just remember the lovely time you had with him.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · Today 14:46

He walked you home
He offered to link arms
He asked you out again the next day
He messaged you at the airport
He was the one who said first that he wanted to see you again.

You don't mention who initiated the first chat, or the first kiss, was it you or him?

Based on all of the above it sounds to me like its probably your turn to make the next move. He's probably wondering whether or not you're really interested, or whether you were just getting swept along.

You say your male friends are telling you to text him. I'm also a man suggesting you text him. Given this person you like is also a man, maybe he wants you to text him!

Edit: Cross posted sorry, just saw you're going to text him. Brilliant. Don't stress about it, just go for something simple. "How was your flight back? I'm missing [name of resort] already!"

fatphalange · Today 14:47

In my mind if he was single he’d have tried to take it further at the time. He’s probably gone a.bit too far for his own liking and now back home, has decided to draw a line under it, sorry.

BigSpongyHelmet · Today 14:49

How about "hi, hope you got home ok and getting back into work wasn't too painful. I enjoyed meeting you and wondered if you still wanted to catch up now you're back...."

Thoughts? Do i need to say let me know at the end or anything?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread