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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

508 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MyMilchick · Yesterday 15:36

LifeTakeTwo · Yesterday 14:09

Message him!

If he doesn't reply then who cares, you'll never see him again anyway.

If he dies reply positively then win win

You don't ask you don't get.

Nah, if a man wants to see you again and he literally was the one who said he'd be in touch, then he'll get in touch. I wouldn't waste my time OP

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:36

Comesround · Yesterday 15:35

I am quite invested. What if he became very ill and is still there, stuck on life support?

Then I'll get a flight and go give him mouth-to-mouth...he was a very good kisser!

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:37

MyMilchick · Yesterday 15:36

Nah, if a man wants to see you again and he literally was the one who said he'd be in touch, then he'll get in touch. I wouldn't waste my time OP

Yeah cheers, bit late now 😆

OP posts:
Tsubasa1 · Yesterday 15:37

Has he replied?? 🤗🩷

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

Pipsquiggle · Yesterday 15:39

Well done @BigSpongyHelmet

What kind of job does he do? Just wondering if he is likely to be in meetings or without his phone for a period of time.

We're all here waiting on tenterhooks

patate10 · Yesterday 15:40

Joining thread as I want to know his reply now!

MyMilchick · Yesterday 15:40

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:37

Yeah cheers, bit late now 😆

lol, well I hope he replies but it isn't a great sign that he hadn't been in contact imo

PashaMinaMio · Yesterday 15:40

Get in touch.
Offer him a date.
Offer him a time.
Offer him a venue between your respective homes.
If he doesn’t reply … leave it.

Don’t go to bed with him on the date! He might meet out of kindness & use you. Just don’t.
See where it goes.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:40

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

Ouch, thanks for your kind words!

OP posts:
Foodwench66 · Yesterday 15:41

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:49

How about "hi, hope you got home ok and getting back into work wasn't too painful. I enjoyed meeting you and wondered if you still wanted to catch up now you're back...."

Thoughts? Do i need to say let me know at the end or anything?

This is fine but I would only message once. If No response within 2 days, then write him off as a vacation romance.

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · Yesterday 15:42

I don’t see it as a lack of self respect to send a short message. Nothing ventured and all that. If he doesn’t reply then just leave it.

Stopthattrain · Yesterday 15:43

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

You literally don’t know that

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:44

FFS read the full thread people, I messaged him at 15.03. I don't think I lack self respect, I liked him and would like to see him again - I don't see anything wrong with that. If he doesn't reply then obviously I was wrong about him/he was a good actor/he's married/shagged his way around the resort.

But at least I'll know

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:45

Foodwench66 · Yesterday 15:41

This is fine but I would only message once. If No response within 2 days, then write him off as a vacation romance.

Totally, I won't be messaging again

OP posts:
IcyPinkWasp · Yesterday 15:46

Good luck. So invested in this now 😂

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:46

Pipsquiggle · Yesterday 15:39

Well done @BigSpongyHelmet

What kind of job does he do? Just wondering if he is likely to be in meetings or without his phone for a period of time.

We're all here waiting on tenterhooks

He works for a bank

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:47

IcyPinkWasp · Yesterday 15:46

Good luck. So invested in this now 😂

Me too!

OP posts:
Hiredgun · Yesterday 15:48

Guy’s perspective….

Some men may appreciate you taking the initiative and reaching out. He could have just assumed it was a holiday thing but now you’ve actually messaged so you’ll get your answer soon.

I am rooting for you and hope you hear back and get another date set up.

impressivemuch · Yesterday 15:48

@BigSpongyHelmet he didn't get home until Thursday and it is only Monday...so I wouldn't be reading anything into him not having been in touch over the weekend. Now you've messaged him that's great, just wait and see (which is nearly impossible I know!) and hopefully he will be in touch.

If he doesn't respond then just write it off as a lovely holiday thing (I'm a similar age to you and also not long out of a LTR, so I get that it's all a bit alarming) and enjoy what it was - it brightened your holiday and made you feel good, anything on top of that is a bonus xx

Queenofheart · Yesterday 15:48

Agree with @Pipsquiggle waiting to see how it goes.

Loving this thread, best one for a while.

Keeping everything crossed for you OP 😍

FannybygaslightinGovan · Yesterday 15:48

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

Why don't you have some self respect and stop being rude to people on the Internet.

Honestly, replies like this are just so fucking tedious.

RuneWhisperer · Yesterday 15:48

Fingers crossed

CJP45 · Yesterday 15:48

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

Definitely message him! It could be something as simple as he lost/broke his phone and your number hadnt been backed up (lots of people dont back up when abroad due to roaming costs). Or simply that he's lost his nerve and is genuinely shy like you said in your OP.

If he doesnt reply then you've lost nothing, if he does reply then it could be the best text you ever send!

Good luck!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:50

impressivemuch · Yesterday 15:48

@BigSpongyHelmet he didn't get home until Thursday and it is only Monday...so I wouldn't be reading anything into him not having been in touch over the weekend. Now you've messaged him that's great, just wait and see (which is nearly impossible I know!) and hopefully he will be in touch.

If he doesn't respond then just write it off as a lovely holiday thing (I'm a similar age to you and also not long out of a LTR, so I get that it's all a bit alarming) and enjoy what it was - it brightened your holiday and made you feel good, anything on top of that is a bonus xx

Wise words, appreciated

OP posts: