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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

508 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:50

CeffylCoch · Yesterday 14:43

Do you live anywhere near each other?

I'm Manchester, he's the outskirts of Leeds...so not that close but also not that far. My LTR started with him in Scotland so it wouldn't be insurmountable

OP posts:
HappyEnglishTeacher · Yesterday 14:54

Send a holiday snap of anything relevant with something like " Bit of a shock being home! 😂! Let me know when you'd like to meet up - looking forward to seeing you."

That's unambiguous. He'll reply or he won't. 🤗

Dery · Yesterday 14:54

I would perhaps express it:

"Hi, hope you got home ok and getting back into work wasn't too painful. I enjoyed meeting you. Let me know if you fancy a catch-up now we're both back..."

That way the ball is firmly in his court and you and he both know that the next message needs to come from him if this is going to move forward.

@HappyEnglishTeacher's suggestion is also good. The main point is to be clear that he needs to respond. "Just wondering..." gives him some leeway on that (which you shouldn't give him); "let me know" makes clear that the ball is in his court.

NotSureICanDoIt · Yesterday 14:54

That’s slightly convoluted. I’d go for something simpler - “Hi, hope you got back OK. Just wondering if you’re free to meet up in the next couple of weeks?”

NotSureICanDoIt · Yesterday 14:55

HappyEnglishTeacher · Yesterday 14:54

Send a holiday snap of anything relevant with something like " Bit of a shock being home! 😂! Let me know when you'd like to meet up - looking forward to seeing you."

That's unambiguous. He'll reply or he won't. 🤗

Actually, ignore me, I like this more!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:56

NotSureICanDoIt · Yesterday 14:55

Actually, ignore me, I like this more!

Yeah I like one, I'm going with this

OP posts:
BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:57

Ooo also like @Derypost above, I think that's the one...

OP posts:
Dery · Yesterday 14:58

Fingers crossed, OP! Whatever the outcome, taking the bull by the horns in this way is a power move, OP, and you will know that it's on him if this goes no further.

thisoldcity · Yesterday 14:58

He's shy and didn't push himself on you so he's maybe feeling he did the wrong thing somehow. Let us know what he says!

ThatAquaRobin · Yesterday 14:59

Your message is perfect. Send it 🙂

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:03

Right, I sent "Hi, hope you enjoyed the rest of your hols and got home ok. I enjoyed meeting you, let me know if you fancy a catch up now we're both back"

OP posts:
ThatAquaRobin · Yesterday 15:04

Yay x

NotSureICanDoIt · Yesterday 15:09

Good message!

ERthree · Yesterday 15:13

Text: Hope you had an uneventful journey home. Now you are back would you like to meet up ? It really is that easy.

WhiteFramesandPlanes · Yesterday 15:14

Can you see when he was last on WhatsApp?

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:15

ERthree · Yesterday 15:13

Text: Hope you had an uneventful journey home. Now you are back would you like to meet up ? It really is that easy.

Yes, I've already sent a message

OP posts:
LondonLass2026 · Yesterday 15:15

Good luck op! Please come back and let us know what happens!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:16

WhiteFramesandPlanes · Yesterday 15:14

Can you see when he was last on WhatsApp?

Just checked and no. I sent him a text, that's how we communicated when we were away

OP posts:
Verbena91 · Yesterday 15:16

I just think I'm too old to play games. I would favour being straightforward, honest, open and authentic, and then if he doesn't reply or says no you'll have a clear answer. "I really enjoyed meeting you and I would like us to meet up again. Let me know what you think."

Iamnotalemming · Yesterday 15:16

I'm invested! Good message.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:18

Verbena91 · Yesterday 15:16

I just think I'm too old to play games. I would favour being straightforward, honest, open and authentic, and then if he doesn't reply or says no you'll have a clear answer. "I really enjoyed meeting you and I would like us to meet up again. Let me know what you think."

Yep, message already sent at 15.03

OP posts:
Bargarran · Yesterday 15:18

He's met somebody else since you went home, and he's not bothered about you now. It's happened to all of us, me included, and I'm sorry to be blunt.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:19

Bargarran · Yesterday 15:18

He's met somebody else since you went home, and he's not bothered about you now. It's happened to all of us, me included, and I'm sorry to be blunt.

That's fine, at least I'll know

OP posts:
Cheersminesalargeone · Yesterday 15:19

I’d message to say Hi, hope you got home ok

Morecoffeeneedef · Yesterday 15:20

arethereanyleftatall · Yesterday 14:39

Agree with the first bit of this, but no idea why you’d need to block someone who’s told you through actions they’re not interested.
there is no harm op in sending one message like this, making sure you leave it totally in his court so that you know the answer if he doesn’t respond. You’ve nothing to lose.

I would block him to avoid the possibility of him getting in touch in future, after I had got over him!