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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

508 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Onwards2627 · Yesterday 15:50

Comesround · Yesterday 15:35

I am quite invested. What if he became very ill and is still there, stuck on life support?

OMG LOL - dramatic much?!

Dery · Yesterday 15:51

@BigSpongyHelmet - absolutely you don't lack self respect! It's a power move. You have made clear that the ball is in his court. Either he will respond with proposals for getting together - in which case, yay. Or he won't - in which case you will know where you stand so, also, yay. You will still have pleasurable memories of a holiday romance which allowed you to stick your toe back in those waters but no lingering what ifs to stop you moving on. Seems like a win/win for you!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:51

Onwards2627 · Yesterday 15:50

OMG LOL - dramatic much?!

I think this was tongue in cheek!

OP posts:
pigmygoatsinjumpers · Yesterday 15:53

Jk987 · Yesterday 15:33

Do you live in nearby towns in the UK or would it be a long distance thing? How long ago are we talking, last week or last month?

Message him with just hi, hope life’s good. Fancy another cocktail one evening?

Why don't people read the thread? OP has already said where they live. She has already said she has sent him a text!

havingdoubtsnow · Yesterday 15:54

Love that you took control. Nothing ventured and all that. Good luck, you sound fabulous

dontthreatenmewithagoodtime · Yesterday 15:54

Good luck OP- following to see if he replies!

Calliopespa · Yesterday 15:56

Do you mean Thursday last week (as in 5 days ago?)

That isn't that long OP, especially if he had post-travel chores over the weekend ( holiday laudry, picking up dry-cleaning before work etc).

It is possible he accidentally deleted your number/ had phone issues. I've done that before when travelling.

It would be a shame if that happened and you just hadn't been brave enough to contact. I think your message is fine. What is desperate anyway? Maybe Thursday would have been a bit pushy, but you've waited several days. You both agreed to catch up again. Maybe he's also scared of looking desperate!

Trallers · Yesterday 15:56

You did the right thing to send a last message because you want to know for sure - who cares about appearing desperate or similar, I'm a strong a believer in message if you want to message and to hell with them if its offputting. That said, I do think he'd have sent something already if he was interested (lost phone, hospital etc notwithstanding).

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · Yesterday 15:57

Why was he there alone? Was it a holiday or work? I am naturally very suspicious of these things so my first thought is that he’s not actually single. I would have suggested phoning him rather than a message but appreciate that’s radical these days!

ethelredonagoodday · Yesterday 15:59

Following. Hope he replies OP!

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · Yesterday 15:59

And also did he not message you after you’d left (aside from the airport)? That would put it firmly in the realm of not serious to me as if he was on holiday it’s hardly that he was too busy to even check you were home etc.

Calliopespa · Yesterday 15:59

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:47

Me too!

Me too! I'm feeling all worried he has lost his phone!

Movingonup313 · Yesterday 16:00

It not impossible that he lost/had his phone stolen on holiday/it broke etc. Lots of explanations. Double check he cant have done any sort of ID theft on you. Can you validate anything he said on sm? I might have waited for a potential replacement phone to be delivered and activated before I text him.

If nothing comes of it, remember it for the lovely 48 hours or so that you had.

All the best.

Wordsmithery · Yesterday 16:00

Got my fingers crossed for you OP 🤞

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:01

Ok, for the hard of reading

I've messaged him
I live in Manc, he's on the outskirts of Leeds
He works for a bank
He's been back since Thursday 17th, I've been back since Saturday 12th
He came across as shy, it could have been an act but he asked if it was OK if he held my hand, kissed me, hugged me - again could have been an act
He messaged first whilst I was at the airport, I responded and have heard nothing since
We are both 52
Both single - I can only vouch for me on that one
He doesn't really use WhatsApp apart from a couple of groups - football/gym
Contact was via text message

What I missed from OP

I approached him kind of, I was with a couple of people who were bickering so I moved to another seat - just so happened it was the only other free seat
He spoke first
He kissed me first but only after asking if it was ok
He was a gentlemen, didn't push for more

I know he could have been an absolute player, but I'm going from his actions and my feelings - that doesn't mean he wasn't but that's all I can go off

OP posts:
user1464187087 · Yesterday 16:01

Dery · Yesterday 15:51

@BigSpongyHelmet - absolutely you don't lack self respect! It's a power move. You have made clear that the ball is in his court. Either he will respond with proposals for getting together - in which case, yay. Or he won't - in which case you will know where you stand so, also, yay. You will still have pleasurable memories of a holiday romance which allowed you to stick your toe back in those waters but no lingering what ifs to stop you moving on. Seems like a win/win for you!

I totally agree Dery.
What a stupid thing to suggest that the OP lacks respect.

Sassylovesbooks · Yesterday 16:02

I'm glad you messaged him OP! You literally had nothing to lose by doing so. If he replies back, all well and good but if he doesn't, you chalk it up to a fabulous short holiday fling, and then move on.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:03

Movingonup313 · Yesterday 16:00

It not impossible that he lost/had his phone stolen on holiday/it broke etc. Lots of explanations. Double check he cant have done any sort of ID theft on you. Can you validate anything he said on sm? I might have waited for a potential replacement phone to be delivered and activated before I text him.

If nothing comes of it, remember it for the lovely 48 hours or so that you had.

All the best.

Seems a bit extreme, how would he have "done any sort of ID theft on me...."? We only swapped first names, I don't have access to his social media

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · Yesterday 16:04

I’d message him incase he’s lost his phone or something. If he doesn’t reply then you will know.

Zero2ten · Yesterday 16:05

Glad you texted him. No harm done if he doesn’t reply but better than being left wondering.

Every chance he won’t reply until later tonight once he’s finished work, got home and organised etc so don’t worry too soon just as he hasn’t replied yet!!!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:06

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · Yesterday 15:57

Why was he there alone? Was it a holiday or work? I am naturally very suspicious of these things so my first thought is that he’s not actually single. I would have suggested phoning him rather than a message but appreciate that’s radical these days!

I was on a solo holiday and was with a couple of members of a solo group, he was on hols with his brother who'd been out drinking in the sun all day and didn't feel like going out in the evening

OP posts:
Runrum · Yesterday 16:06

Just ignore the posts from people too lazy to RTFT. They’ll work it out eventually.

I do hope you get the outcome you’re hoping for OP. At worst I hope he at least responds with honesty. I’ve bookmarked so I can find out.

Lmnop22 · Yesterday 16:10

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

Based on what exactly? Just wanting to upset the OP and be nasty? 🙄

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 16:10

It not impossible that he lost/had his phone stolen on holiday/it broke etc. Lots of explanations. Double check he cant have done any sort of ID theft on you. Can you validate anything he said on sm? I might have waited for a potential replacement phone to be delivered and activated before I text him.

Not sure how you arrive at ID theft??

willowstar · Yesterday 16:10

Also hoping it all works out for you. I am 52, fairly newly single after long marriage, no idea how/where to meet someone and how it all works now so I am fairly rooting for you. And I think you did the right thing by messaging. What is the worst that can happen? He doesn't respond. And they you know.