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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

508 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 16:11

@BigSpongyHelmet not quite the point of this thread, but (just out of interest) which solo holidays company was it, and would you recommend them?

Calliopespa · Yesterday 16:11

Lmnop22 · Yesterday 16:10

Based on what exactly? Just wanting to upset the OP and be nasty? 🙄

Probably says a lot about the types of men that pp meets ...

If it was only this Thursday he got back, I think he's trying to not smother.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:11

How does woman texting man = no self respect?

Dumbledora8 · Yesterday 16:12

JustWalnut · Yesterday 15:38

Oh dear. I was going to tell you to have some self respect and do not message him but too late.
He will definitely have been snogging someone else, probably several someones, during the rest of his holiday.

Oh yes because you know everything! Get a grip

Eudaimonia11 · Yesterday 16:13

It’s a bit odd he didn’t text you to check you got home ok.

But I’m hoping you get a reply (and a date!) Got my fingers crossed for you!

Movingonup313 · Yesterday 16:14

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:03

Seems a bit extreme, how would he have "done any sort of ID theft on me...."? We only swapped first names, I don't have access to his social media

Oh, if the only personal data you provided was your first name, then nothing to consider further. So you managed to get his first name, age, status, place of residence, occupation (and whatever else) without sharing anything about you, even after drinks and relaxing usual boundaries. But you did give your phone number too as he text first

If he is an organised scammer it isnt unusual for him to appear shy at first - us woman love a challenge.

Id theft is rife and we can give a lot of helpful data way, oh i was born there....etc etc. If he is a seasoned scammer they are very cute about it.

roycroppersshopper · Yesterday 16:16

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:13

Stop being so sensible 😆

But I hear you...on one hand I'm thinking the same thing but but but on the other hand, I was remembering how shy he was, asking permission to kiss me, hold my hand.

Gah, I'm 52 I really should know better!

Asking permission to kiss you, rather than lunging, isn't shyness it's basic manners IMO. He sounds lovely.

I'd give it one more message, you never know he might respond and if he doesn't then you tried, otherwise you'll always be wondering.

Do you live close enough in the UK to have a relationship?

EDIT: sorry just read the thread, you did it awesome, I hope he gets back to you!

Member968405 · Yesterday 16:17

CrazyCatLady2026 · Yesterday 14:33

If he was that keen he would of messaged you by now. I would just forget about it and remember you had a nice time.

Not sure I agree with this - he may just be too shy and hesitant, second guessing himself all the time. I think you should message something specific - maybe related to something you talked about, suggesting live music or a film or something. I’d be doesn’t respond positively, you have your answer.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:18

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 16:11

@BigSpongyHelmet not quite the point of this thread, but (just out of interest) which solo holidays company was it, and would you recommend them?

Ah sorry, it wasn't a solo holiday company, it was a FB group for solos travelling to this particular place

OP posts:
Cornetto98 · Yesterday 16:20

@BigSpongyHelmet I think he’ll reply to your text. He only came back 4 days ago so was probably going to wait until at least mid week to text just so he wouldn’t look overly keen…

Calliopespa · Yesterday 16:23

Cornetto98 · Yesterday 16:20

@BigSpongyHelmet I think he’ll reply to your text. He only came back 4 days ago so was probably going to wait until at least mid week to text just so he wouldn’t look overly keen…

This is what I think. And you are right: it's only 4 days. I was thinking 5, which I still didn't think was a lot. Takes a day or two to slot back into routine, unpack bags, turn on hot water, fill fridge, collect dry-cleaning etc after a holiday ...

RonaldDahl · Yesterday 16:24

Movingonup313 · Yesterday 16:14

Oh, if the only personal data you provided was your first name, then nothing to consider further. So you managed to get his first name, age, status, place of residence, occupation (and whatever else) without sharing anything about you, even after drinks and relaxing usual boundaries. But you did give your phone number too as he text first

If he is an organised scammer it isnt unusual for him to appear shy at first - us woman love a challenge.

Id theft is rife and we can give a lot of helpful data way, oh i was born there....etc etc. If he is a seasoned scammer they are very cute about it.

I work in financial crime prevention, you can’t do anything with those details these days anyway. Chatting up a middle aged woman on holiday is not a particularly effective technique for ID theft!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:24

Movingonup313 · Yesterday 16:14

Oh, if the only personal data you provided was your first name, then nothing to consider further. So you managed to get his first name, age, status, place of residence, occupation (and whatever else) without sharing anything about you, even after drinks and relaxing usual boundaries. But you did give your phone number too as he text first

If he is an organised scammer it isnt unusual for him to appear shy at first - us woman love a challenge.

Id theft is rife and we can give a lot of helpful data way, oh i was born there....etc etc. If he is a seasoned scammer they are very cute about it.

We swapped first names when we introduced ourselves to each other, there was no need to give surnames. Where does it say or imply that I didn't share any details with him, it's called a conversation - we shared the same information about ourselves?! We swapped numbers in the bar on the first night, and if it matters, he asked for my number so he could one bell me so I had his number. If he's stolen my identity good luck to him but it's not something I'm going to stress about

OP posts:
Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:24

First things - were you messaging via Whatsapp? Does it say if he read the message? Secondly if he is not actually single as people suggest, he is taking a risk with you able to message or call his phone. If he did not want to hear from you, he would already have blocked you. Did your message stay on grey tick? Can you no longer see his “last seen” or “online” status?

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:25

Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:24

First things - were you messaging via Whatsapp? Does it say if he read the message? Secondly if he is not actually single as people suggest, he is taking a risk with you able to message or call his phone. If he did not want to hear from you, he would already have blocked you. Did your message stay on grey tick? Can you no longer see his “last seen” or “online” status?

Edited

As above, we didn't use WhatsApp

OP posts:
Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:27

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:25

As above, we didn't use WhatsApp

But you say you have his number. So what happens when you go to message him in whatsapp - does he come up with his profile picture?

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:29

Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:27

But you say you have his number. So what happens when you go to message him in whatsapp - does he come up with his profile picture?

I haven't tried to message him via WhatsApp but I've just had a look and yes, his picture is there...and it is him...from what I remember with my beer goggles on! 😁

OP posts:
Tuesdayschild50 · Yesterday 16:29

Just message him dont overthink it ..just say hi dave
I really enjoyed your company and chats while away would be great to see you again soon.
X
Leave it at that if no response move on .

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:30

oh FFS, cancel the cheque!

OP posts:
Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 16:30

Maybe in the end he decided you were too far distance wise. All sounds like a good idea when you're on holiday as the distance probably wouldn't have seemed an issue.

HollyhocksandPeons · Yesterday 16:31

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:11

How does woman texting man = no self respect?

Exactly as it says. But desperate times call for desperate measures - nowadays I recommend my female friends and relatives make the first move, men are often amenable to being chosen and led away, so who cares about absence of self-respect.

Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:32

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:29

I haven't tried to message him via WhatsApp but I've just had a look and yes, his picture is there...and it is him...from what I remember with my beer goggles on! 😁

Well I think that means you are not blocked but not sure! I would message him next time this way as can see if he has read it or not

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:35

Bohema123 · Yesterday 16:32

Well I think that means you are not blocked but not sure! I would message him next time this way as can see if he has read it or not

Hadn't even considered that to be honest, but I'm not messaging again anyway if I get no response to my text. Checking last seen and read messages not for me, that way madness lies.

Anyway, no response = no interest and at least I know I tried

OP posts:
Calliopespa · Yesterday 16:35

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:30

oh FFS, cancel the cheque!

It's ok. Sometimes people are reading while also working etc and just want to offer advice. I don't think it is meant to be annoying.

Lexy2345 · Yesterday 16:35

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:30

oh FFS, cancel the cheque!

Hahaha, why do people post before reading all your replies?

PS: Message him.