Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

508 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · Yesterday 15:23

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:31

IF I messaged, what the fudge do I say without appearing desperate 😆

I hate the dating world, I was in a LTR (30 years) until late last year, this is the first bloke I've actually met since and I don't want to come across as desperate/needy

I would say “can’t remember when you said you were getting back - was it this Thursday? If so, do you fancy getting together at the weekend?”

That way it looks pretty casual and not a follow up message per se

NetZeroZealot · Yesterday 15:24

justforthis · Yesterday 14:25

You've got nothing to lose, just message him. If you don't get a response then I guess you'll know

This.

GoodGirlFaith · Yesterday 15:24

Message him, OP.

Keep it light, brief, confident and positive. Just 'hey, how are you? Still want to meet up?'

He will most likely reply positively but if he doesn't then at least you know that it was just a holiday romance.

Good luck!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:24

Can I just say I'VE ALREADY MESSAGED AT 15.03!

OP posts:
GoodGirlFaith · Yesterday 15:25

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:24

Can I just say I'VE ALREADY MESSAGED AT 15.03!

Well done! Sorry OP, I missed this!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · Yesterday 15:26

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:24

Can I just say I'VE ALREADY MESSAGED AT 15.03!

And you'll keep getting posts telling you to message him probably until the thousandth post.

Lots of people only read the OP and then jump into replying

Bargarran · Yesterday 15:26

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:24

Can I just say I'VE ALREADY MESSAGED AT 15.03!

I genuinely hope it works out nicely for you..x
💑

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:26

GoodGirlFaith · Yesterday 15:25

Well done! Sorry OP, I missed this!

You weren't the only one 😆

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · Yesterday 15:26

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:24

Can I just say I'VE ALREADY MESSAGED AT 15.03!

Ah, sorry! I’m very invested so replied before I read full thread. Please update us if he responds 😂

Peekachewy · Yesterday 15:27

He’s not that keen if he hasn’t replied yet

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 15:28

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:03

Right, I sent "Hi, hope you enjoyed the rest of your hols and got home ok. I enjoyed meeting you, let me know if you fancy a catch up now we're both back"

Edited

I think that's absolutely fine. Normally, I would be in the 'leave it to him' camp, but as you're unlikely to cross paths under normal circumstances (and therefore there won't be any embarrassment at work/gym/hobby etc) I think its fine to send ONE message, and then leave the ball firmly in his court.

GoodGirlFaith · Yesterday 15:28

Peekachewy · Yesterday 15:27

He’s not that keen if he hasn’t replied yet

Nonsense, probably at work!

ItsPickleRick · Yesterday 15:28

Ahh I really hope he replies OP!

Have you done any social media snooping to make sure he’s actually single etc?

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 15:29

I am hoping the message was via WhatsApp,so you will be able to tell if he has read it or not?

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · Yesterday 15:29

Well done for messaging. Do update.

Bargarran · Yesterday 15:32

Peekachewy · Yesterday 15:27

He’s not that keen if he hasn’t replied yet

You don't know that.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:32

PinkEasterbunny · Yesterday 15:29

I am hoping the message was via WhatsApp,so you will be able to tell if he has read it or not?

No, as above it was a text message

OP posts:
AI41 · Yesterday 15:32

Everything crossed!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:32

Peekachewy · Yesterday 15:27

He’s not that keen if he hasn’t replied yet

Bloody hell, I'm not saying he's going to message but give him chance, it wasn't even half hour ago!

OP posts:
ErlingHaalandsManBun · Yesterday 15:33

Anyone else feel totally invested in this now? 😂

Good for you messaging OP. Hope he replies.

Please keep us updated.

Jk987 · Yesterday 15:33

Do you live in nearby towns in the UK or would it be a long distance thing? How long ago are we talking, last week or last month?

Message him with just hi, hope life’s good. Fancy another cocktail one evening?

Happyjoe · Yesterday 15:34

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:31

IF I messaged, what the fudge do I say without appearing desperate 😆

I hate the dating world, I was in a LTR (30 years) until late last year, this is the first bloke I've actually met since and I don't want to come across as desperate/needy

But you like him! Sometimes it's worth a risk. And besides, even if you think he thinks you're desperate, if he doesn't answer you're never going to see him anyway, who cares?

Hope he replies :-)

SummerBlueskies · Yesterday 15:35

Peekachewy · Yesterday 15:27

He’s not that keen if he hasn’t replied yet

Give him chance! Hes probably at work. OP I’m invested now please keep us updated

Comesround · Yesterday 15:35

I am quite invested. What if he became very ill and is still there, stuck on life support?

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 15:35

Jk987 · Yesterday 15:33

Do you live in nearby towns in the UK or would it be a long distance thing? How long ago are we talking, last week or last month?

Message him with just hi, hope life’s good. Fancy another cocktail one evening?

As above, I'm Manchester, he's outskirts of Leeds. I got back Saturday 12th, he got back Thursday 17th

OP posts: