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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

1000 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Over40Overdating · 23/09/2026 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nettie1964 · 23/09/2026 09:01

PatNoodle · 23/09/2026 08:46

Wow, if only someone had thought to advise OP to do that 900 posts ago

So sorry I've upset you. I thought this was a thread. I've obviously got it wrong, all any thread needs according to you is
1 comment saying call him.
2 one comment saying dont call him, get on with your life.
Who knew, I have obviously been using mumsnet incorrectly.

PatNoodle · 23/09/2026 09:09

Nettie1964 · 23/09/2026 09:01

So sorry I've upset you. I thought this was a thread. I've obviously got it wrong, all any thread needs according to you is
1 comment saying call him.
2 one comment saying dont call him, get on with your life.
Who knew, I have obviously been using mumsnet incorrectly.

At least read OPs updates if you are going to come along 900 posts later though. She's already messaged him and they are meeting up.

Chickadee001 · 23/09/2026 09:09

Agree 100% and you've just saved me typing this!😀
OP please keep us posted, I LOVE holiday romances, you wouldn't believe how many successful ones I know about!

ArcangelaTarabotti · 23/09/2026 09:13

FannybygaslightinGovan · 21/09/2026 20:44

Oh I know, I'm dying that it wasn't the kind of helmet I was imagining 😂😂

Same😂😂

ArcangelaTarabotti · 23/09/2026 09:17

Have loved this thread!
A friend (yes really 😃) met a lovely German man on a beach on a Canary Island last year.
They got chatting and dated for a few months.
Should happen more often😃

Nettie1964 · 23/09/2026 09:17

PatNoodle · 23/09/2026 09:09

At least read OPs updates if you are going to come along 900 posts later though. She's already messaged him and they are meeting up.

Next time I will just because it so obviously worrys you. I will add it to my list of "usefull" mumsnet rules.
Very happy for OP. Must get back to my busy life now.

CharityShopCharlie · 23/09/2026 09:26

shhblackbag · 22/09/2026 22:34

That's a fair question, but when I started dating, social media didn't exist. I would go on a date to suss out chemistry, then decide based on what was said and how the date went. I would likely do the same now, if the first few days of messages were interesting.

It is a fair point that I look at social media when it's there. Because it's there. I should also say that I am single now and happy with it, partly because dating seems to me to have become complicated with all the apps and the men on them who are married, already in relationships, or 'talking to' however many at the same time. I'm too old for that game, and it isn't worth the peace I have.

Sorry, that was long.

But OP's story is sweet. I hope it goes well.

I guess even if you're not on any apps yourself and meet a guy in the wild, there's no guarantee he's not on them playing the field.

TheEponymousGrub · 23/09/2026 09:40

rolloverbeethoven · 22/09/2026 23:27

I'm honestly wondering if there could be a technical issue at this point, and people actually can't see the OP's posts!

Yes I think this too. The OP was kind enough to reply to each one, but they still kept coming, because those updates weren't showing (for many people). And some other posters interpreted the OP's continual updates as being over-invested in the bloke , whereas she was only wishing to be polite to the posters.

OnlyUsername · 23/09/2026 09:47

Nettie1964 · 23/09/2026 09:01

So sorry I've upset you. I thought this was a thread. I've obviously got it wrong, all any thread needs according to you is
1 comment saying call him.
2 one comment saying dont call him, get on with your life.
Who knew, I have obviously been using mumsnet incorrectly.

Yes, you have, because she's already chosen an option and done it. Pure laziness from you.

ThisUmberSwan · 23/09/2026 10:11

Dontbesonosy · 23/09/2026 07:39

At least read all the OP’s posts.

I did it backwards haha! I’m so happy for her and hope it goes well! What a lovely thing!

Imonmyownhere · 23/09/2026 10:28

ThisUmberSwan · 23/09/2026 10:11

I did it backwards haha! I’m so happy for her and hope it goes well! What a lovely thing!

Clever you!

OP being mysterious about when her date is. I reckon it's this weekend! 😂

BigSpongyHelmet · 23/09/2026 10:40

Ha, it's not THIS weekend, but it is a weekend very soon.

I wasn't going to update this thread but I couldn't help myself checking in.

I see I still need to cancel the cheque 😆

OP posts:
indigox · 23/09/2026 11:12

If you could sum up mumsnet in one thread it would be this one.

Heylittlesongbird · 23/09/2026 11:17

indigox · 23/09/2026 11:12

If you could sum up mumsnet in one thread it would be this one.

It was the best of mumsnet, it was the worst of mumsnet.

Sallywag134 · 23/09/2026 11:30

One more message…no more. If he doesn’t reply you have your answer. I’d ask him to something specific, like would you like to go to this restaurant on Saturday for example. If no reply then at least you know.

Lovestospotabullfinch · 23/09/2026 11:35

New thread please OP, it’s been a wild ride so far 🤩

Outofspace · 23/09/2026 11:35

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 19:17

Ok well I think I'm going to leave this thread now, some people are taking all the fun/excitement out of it, and making it sound sinister and dark.

Anyway, i took a risk, it paid off hopefully so thanks all, and especially to those who made me laugh out loud

I’m so glad you took the risk, and it looks like he was always going to contact you anyway. I’m almost 40 years married to my holiday romance, and if I hadn’t taken a risk and chased him down, after a misunderstanding and no follow up contact from him as promised (long story), it would never have been anything more than a holiday romance! Sometimes you have to hold faith in people and take a chance, and all of the people who are so opposed to taking chances may be missing out on many of life’s glorious opportunities!!

SoupSoup · 23/09/2026 11:38

BigSpongyHelmet · 23/09/2026 10:40

Ha, it's not THIS weekend, but it is a weekend very soon.

I wasn't going to update this thread but I couldn't help myself checking in.

I see I still need to cancel the cheque 😆

This happened to me on here, many years ago, when I posted about a potential 'Does he or does he not fancy me?' romantic situation, and it took off, became a giant thread and people got involved in a way that was at first very sweet, and later on, over a period of weeks, got actively disquieting to the point where I said (several hundred posts into a second thread) that I wouldn't be responding any more. It was partly the predictable trollhunters claiming I was making it all up, and partly some well-meaning but very over-invested posters asking repeatedly for updates.

I will admit I found it quite addictive at one point, before realising it was all a bit much,

Granville82 · 23/09/2026 12:01

BigSpongyHelmet · 23/09/2026 10:40

Ha, it's not THIS weekend, but it is a weekend very soon.

I wasn't going to update this thread but I couldn't help myself checking in.

I see I still need to cancel the cheque 😆

Op I'm so happy and FWIW, I think you should stop updating this thread. Quite naturally you've already told us where you both live, what his profession is, a detailed physical description of you both, the name of the small place where you met on holiday, plus quite specific info about his flights and when he was going back to work.

It's fun to keep sharing, but it's so easy to let stuff slip and then someone might recognise him and then send him to this thread.

Unlikely but could immediately end whatever you had going. It's safer just to let this be a Mumsnet success for now and chat to your friends about it from here on in.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 23/09/2026 12:04

Sallywag134 · 23/09/2026 11:30

One more message…no more. If he doesn’t reply you have your answer. I’d ask him to something specific, like would you like to go to this restaurant on Saturday for example. If no reply then at least you know.

😂

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 23/09/2026 12:05

Lovestospotabullfinch · 23/09/2026 11:35

New thread please OP, it’s been a wild ride so far 🤩

This!

ThisUmberSwan · 23/09/2026 12:06

Imonmyownhere · 23/09/2026 10:28

Clever you!

OP being mysterious about when her date is. I reckon it's this weekend! 😂

Ahahaha I have learned my lesson now for sure 😂😂 oooh keeping us all in suspense unless I’ve missed another update hahaha

PatNoodle · 23/09/2026 12:07

Sallywag134 · 23/09/2026 11:30

One more message…no more. If he doesn’t reply you have your answer. I’d ask him to something specific, like would you like to go to this restaurant on Saturday for example. If no reply then at least you know.

What a great idea, it's not like OP already did that and has a date planned

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 23/09/2026 12:08

BigSpongyHelmet · 23/09/2026 10:40

Ha, it's not THIS weekend, but it is a weekend very soon.

I wasn't going to update this thread but I couldn't help myself checking in.

I see I still need to cancel the cheque 😆

Indeed.

You can ask MN to edit the OP adding that the thread has moved on somewhat and to read your posts before commenting.

Apparently it being on 39 pages is not enough of a clue! 😂

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