Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

If he had nothing to hide surely he'd do the test?

Yes, but he won't because he doesn't have to. Also claims that he was never contacted privately about this before which he would have expected given the relationship so he claims it must be a scam.

How do you know he hasn't been contacted about this before, OP? You know something isn't right. Ask her yourself ?

He’s obviously got something to hide

If he has a child he should support that child appropriately. This is another human being we are talking about, who may be wondering who his/her dad is and why they’ve never heard from him.

Did he know her before you were together or would this mean he has been unfaithful if true?

I would jump to the worst conclusion too, have you googled the solicitors and shown him that they are (presumably) legit? I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I know that that and yes I could contact her but if I'm honest I'm as mad at her as I am at him. I met her at a wedding with her husband and they were so happy about their pregnancy after their fertility problems. Her husband was awful and utterly controlling and mean and I felt sorry for her then. Now not so much and I hope that she is miserable.

If he thinks it's a scam, he can check that with the solicitors and lab - or choose his own lab that he trusts. If he won't do that, he's clearly just trying to put off the inevitable.

If she's already got a solicitor, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up getting a court-ordered test (depending on rules where she lives).

That's not very nice. It's not her fault your husband's a shitbag.

No. But how is she any better?

OP ignore this comment you are completely entitled to feel this way!

How did you find out about the letter? Did he tell you or did you see it and ask what it was?

If this pregnancy happened while she was already with her husband, she's clearly no better!

I think my marriage could potentially survive an affair. I’m not sure, but it’s possible. I don’t think it could survive my husband ignoring a potential child.

It came to our address which is tied to our registered company. I'm home so usually handle this.

How old is the child, and how long is your marriage?

Why the test now? Has she recently split from her husband?

So your husband is ok being a possible deadbeat dad?

I'd divorce him for that alone. Deadbeat dads are scum.

Your husband possibly has a child and here you are wishing bad things to happen to the mom when your husband won't even be honest, much less step up if it's his kid.

If it was an affair while he is married to you, be mad at him. But if he's got a kid, he's got responsibilities. Trying to put his head into the sand won't absolve him of that or make this kid disappear.

Tell him to grow up and take the test and find out.

I wouldn’t be with someone who cheated on me and I would be with someone who didn’t look after their child.

he would have one option and that would be to do the test or we were done , after getting the results and if this showed he was the dad he would be gone too.

he doesn’t have any option but to do the test, it’s going to rip your relationship apart whatever happens.

The child is younger than our marriage. No idea why she would be going for the test now and as cruel as it sounds it's not my problem. My only guess is that her husband realised that he wasn't the father but that is mere guesswork.
I have my own to worry about and they will be my priority forever.

He won't do anything if he doesn't have to. Never does.

The fact he isn’t willing to do the test shows his guilt to me

did you have any suspicions about them both?

Okay, your husband had an affair with her. Took a while for that to become clear, and ultimately, this is a huge issue.

What would be the likely outcome if he continues refusing to take the test?

What happens if he is the child's father?

How would you like this to play out, and what's the likely endgame for you?

So does this mean if he is the father he has cheated?

So did he cheat on you or not?

I’d like to think if my dh got a paternity request he’d say it is absolutely a scam as he did not have sex with that woman. Not that’s it’s a scam because she would have contacted him privately if he could be the father

If he really thought it was a scam surely he would contact the woman to let her know her personal details are being used in a scam…