Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

Is it the mother that has asked for the paternity test or the husband

If I were a man accused of this, I would seek legal advice, but unless the lawyer advised otherwise, I wouldn't go along with some evil request like this. I'd want to refuse, in the same way that if anyone said my children weren't my husband's I'd want to refuse-because I know I'm honest!
Honest people don't need to do tests (like I say, obviously I would comply if I had to for legal reasons, but if not, all decent people would surely refuse).

A scam would be if it was someone completely unknown, a country you’d never visited. Why doesn’t he ring up the woman and tell her what’s happening? Or you?

I’m sorry, it must have been such a shock to you to open that letter.

Maybe if they had fertility problems she asked your dh to help out, didn’t tell her own dh and now he has found out he is infertile…or they had an affair. Whatever has happened your dh is just burying his head in the sand. It’s out now and won’t go away. I hope you are ok op - horrible shock for you.

Do you think he had an affair? It would seem strange to send a request to someone if they didnt have a relationship, I am so sorry for your situation I would be so upset

I did wonder if it was attached to her struggling to conceive....yes I know its a reach but possible?

Why is your husband saying he hasn’t been contacted privately? He’s been sent a letter in (I presume) his name to his address.Is that not him being contacted privately??

If he’s not the father it’s not possibly a scam. It’s because he suspects there is a chance he is the father…

He has done that and refuses to engage at all

I'd privately offer to have my children tested with the child in question to see if they're related then leave him

If someone were innocent, then there would be no justifiable reason for not proving their innocence by taking the test.

How is being asked to do a paternity test evil? And what is he actually being “accused” of? What’s evil is this guys not facing up to the consequences of his actions

so basically your DH cheated on you and another woman had a child as a result. Now she wants to do a paternity test to prove that your DH is the father.
I really feel for you. Whatever he chooses to do this knowledge won’t go away and will obviously affect your marriage.

Even though he knew it was tormenting you? In his shoes if I was innocent I’d be fuming, but I would take the test to absolutely declare my innocence. And then demand an apology from her. And in your shoes I’d be wanting to hear her version of how it comes to pass that she thinks she got pregnant by him. See if it sounded credible. And I’d be angry at her too.

If it were my husband I’d be telling him he either takes the test or we’re over. If she’s sent a solicitor’s letter this isn’t about to go away. Why let it drag on causing stress for all involved?

except If she was raped or a minor then she’s just as culpable sleeping with someone else’s husband so yes , hope she’s miserable. It takes two!!! Don’t excuse the cheating woman just because.

What a weak man to refuse. Cheating AND denying her and likely his child of any support or involvement.

What a horrible position to be in OP.

Surely he’d just contact her and be like “wtf?”

Can this be done with a hair sample? If so, I’d definitely do this.

It would be a very odd scam and not entirely sure how it could be one. She has gone to a lot of trouble if shes done this from abroad, I think if he refuses then you know your answer.

Then you should consider taking the letter to a qualified family law solicitor @Operaofthephantom.

They can review the letter to verify if it is legitimate, assess which country's laws are being invoked, and determine whether a reciprocal enforcement agreement exists between that country and the UK.

If he continues to bury his head then the requesting party could escalate the request through the courts in their country, which may/not have reciprocal international legal agreements with the UK.

You seem very concerned with being angry with her. I would be focussed on the actual request itself and what that means.

I personally cannot think of ANY reason for your H not to take it other than fear of the result. Any excuses along the lines of 'how dare they?' and 'I don't have to' are just that - excuses. Smoke and mirrors.

Stop worrying about her and why she has decided to do it now and worry about how you plan to deal with your H refusing the test. Surely you need to know? Or are you prepared to continue a marriage knowing that your H has PROBABLY cheated and PROBABLY has a DS who is now being denied the right to know who his own father is?

I appreciate it's shocking and awful for you and I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, but seriously - the test needs taking and you will all have to deal with the results once they are in.

He does the test. Or you get your shit lined up pronto and leave. Its that simple. Big girl knix on chick....

Erm are you saying it's not her fault that she slept with op's husband? 🙄

Good idea