Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

How long was she shagging him Op. Who made the first move? (I bet it was him ). I bet it was. I bet he cracked onto her. Not in a million years do I think she initiated this

Every single person I have known in my life where two people have had an affair -the man has cracked on with the my wife doesn't understand me rubbish. A mate of mine had an affair with her boss and he was banging them both at the same time and both were pregnant. Ask your husband who initiated this affair. Her or him

Before you hang her out to dry go ask your husband who's idea it was to start this affair. I bet it was his. And I bet that wasn't the first affair he's had. Hes trash and you and your kids deserve better

It is her choice what she does. We should listen but not tell her what she should do. She may wish to stay in her marriage. If she can forgive that is her choice. Far too many vitriolic posters telling her what to do. The only advice is do nothing at the moment. Think it through first.

No one is telling her what to do.

@YourGoldLurker I thought you said you were done with this thread.

FYI my own sister is a serial adulterer. She was engaged but wouldn’t stop shagging around with multiple men (at least one of them married). The married one wanted to leave his wife for her, so she got rid of him. She doesn’t wait for a man to make the first move or she might never get what she wants. I have seen her ruthlessly pursue a man who starts out being quite straight with her that he isn’t interested. Ply them with alcohol, start taking her clothes off, touching him. In front of people. I dread to think how ferocious she is when she’s got a man alone.

A friend I had at uni was similar with a guy who had a girlfriend. It’s not always the man.

@YourGoldLurker It makes no difference to me who initiated it. What matters is that it happened.

I didn’t hang her out to dry so stop making it sound like I’m some evil witch claiming that she is at fault.
I find this actually quite insulting at this stage. I wish you all the best in life and im sorry for what happened to you but don’t pass this resentment on to others.

Off you go. You've been having pops at me all day. Scroll on. I have no interest in your sister or you.

Is your sister married long term with several kids. Bet she's not.

She has two kids. It was the father of her kids she was engaged to. He knew she wasn’t being faithful and tried to stop it by contacting the men she was seeing. They still got married. Then divorced. She got married again. I don’t know if she still is married - I haven’t spoken to her in years as she didn’t want us at the wedding. She had been very open with us about all her affairs and probably worried we’d say something to her first husband, as the rest of us aren’t like that. To be honest we were worried for her as much as anyone else because we thought she’d be likely to end up alone if she carried on that way. I don’t really care anymore if she does or not.

I haven’t been making pops at you. I think you took something I said earlier personally when it wasn’t specifically about you. I just thought you had a rigid idea of men and women and their roles in affairs. I’ve said earlier on this thread (not to you) that I have met women who aren’t being “taken advantage of” when they have had affairs. My sister is one them.

I haven’t accused you of being offensive to me. I have called you resentful, and this is very much what you exude when posting one message after another about how and why my husband must have been the driving force behind all of this.

I have told you that I don’t care who might initiated it. Nor do I care about you or your mother, father, brother etc as you have repeated it frequently enough now. I’ve heard it and I don’t need to hear it once more. It doesn’t help me, no matter how often you repeat yourself.

Ok.

Kindly, you sound like you need some support having been triggered by this thread. Maybe OP isnt the best person to be taking this out on given what she is going through.

I didn't once say you were responsible for this situation. My point was and I stand by it is that if your father abandons you and you later find out he has another family. It hurts. That is all. I do not care that my father walked out on me when I was 3. I don't care that I didn't get a present my whole life. I don't care that he told me to piss off when I contacted him when I was 16. What I care about is that he had money and my mum struggled because he was mean

That is it

And yes I am sad that I have a brother that will never know me but that's on him and not me

I've done good despite him. I didn't go to the best unis like his son. I'm not a lawyer like his son. But when I crossed the stage last year when I did my second Ba degree my biggest supporters were cheering me on

I don't even call him my dad. I call him by his first name Brian because you can't call someone a dad when he's never been that person. I used to tell people in school I don't have a dad. That's more accurate

Anyway I'm out of here. Completely fed up with being name called by a bunch of strangers. Night

Mate, sort yourself out. Try therapy rather taking your anger out on strangers on a forum.

It seems like it’s you who’s projecting here . Either make your own thread about your problems or try therapy ..

You’ve no morals if you are justifying the other woman’s position. Yuck

Jesus Christ. If you still have any faith in this place OP, maybe you could start a new thread about staying with a man you know has cheated. Plenty of women choose to do that, and they’re not all happy later but at least their advice might be more be understanding and have more insight into what you yourself are going through than whatever is going on here.

.

you said yourself it’s time to leave the thread.