Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

OP, please don’t be deterred by a PP with a personal agenda here. Hopefully MN will take appropriate action.

There are plenty of us here who are just interested in providing support as you navigate a fucking awful situation.

Anyone else find it staggering how many chats are reduced to posters bickering with one another, instead of supporting the OP! 🤯 🤷‍♀️

Jesus, had someone been on the pop last night?
Way to derail a perfectly reasonable thread with your personal problems.

OP be selfish. Think of yourself (and whatever you want to do in respect of your marriage) and your children. Let your husband deal with the OW and potential other child. I don’t blame you for putting yourself first and trying to block out everything else.

Controversial but I’d contact the woman and get to the bottom of the issue. This is either a brother to your children or it’s not. The child comes first. Deal with the adults separately.

Assuming she would even respond, what further information does she have? OP knows there is a chance that her husband is the father. Presumably the woman's husband either hasn't taken a test or has and it's not him. The only way to find out any further information is for OP's husband to take it. In terms of paternity, the other woman has no more information than OP; even if she knows for sure that OP's husband is the father, neither OP nor her husband can know that without the test, whatever she says.

I posted earlier. As an adoptee who has been involved in searching for their birth family (and binging podcasts on this) I would bet my mortgage that not even 5% of the posters on here claiming they would be disgusted if their DH was involved in an unexpected pregnancy and didn't engage would actually react that way IRL.

Especially if it had an impact on their own children's financial position and well-being.

The numbers are vanishingly small, and that is when the child was born prior to the relationship. An affair child? Delusional.

I don't judge them, all of that said.

But stop putting yourselves on this moral pedestal.