Would you date a bisexual man?

[Chunkychips1234]

I'm looking for a bit of advice on whether I should pursue a relationship with a man I used to work with.

He was crazy about me (I don't know why) when we used to work together years ago. He was in his 20s, a bit wild but he was a laugh. I liked him as a person and he was so sweet to me but the fact that he's bisexual put me off him. It was just too weird for me to deal with. I left that workplace coming up for 5 years ago and haven't seen him since.

I've recently bumped into him in the park and he's lost weight, looking healthier and gotten a new job. He was very happy to see me and being very nice. He told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since. He wants to take me out. I gave him my Instagram and he told me that he'd message me when he got home.

Should I just go on a date with him and see how it goes? He seems more mature and relaxed these days, I'm getting older now and can't afford to be too picky in the dating market. However I just don't know if I can overlook his sexuality. 😔

I dont think most would, because its risky, a bisexual man tend to move toward gay rather than straight by nature. I aint gay, i wouldnt do it either way it would be risky as a woman.

Saying “Yuk…I don’t want to have sex with a diseased, cheating bisexual people” is bi-phobic. Saying “No I’m not attracted to bisexual people” is not homophobic at all. We’re all allowed to have our preferences when we’re dating and we’re all allowed to have things we’re not attracted to. I’m not attracted to skinny men, or men with very pale skin, or, in this instance, bisexual men. It’s ok. So chill out with the PC bullshit and ridiculous accusations.

It’s a no from me.

sexual health would be a big concern and I couldn’t have sex with a man who’d put the same penis up a man’s backside

She isn't side stepping. She's explaining that initial attraction then has to develop alongside knowledge of a person. And if that person's values, interests, opinions etc don't align with hers, then the person is no longer a dating option.

I may very well find somebody attractive in theory but I need to know more about them to actually consider dating them. And if they vote Tory or are pro hunting or enjoy football or drink alcohol or are bisexual and a thousand other things which are perfectly unremarkable, then I am no longer theoretically attracted to them.

You'd be OK if his dick had been up a woman's backside?

Sexual health concerns also apply to straight men, especially with the rise of anal sex amongst straight people. This is why the blood transfusion service no longer ask about whether my partners have had sex with other men, but whether they or I have had anal sex.

All you have to say, and all you should say, is "no thanks, not for me". You don't need to, and shouldn't, justify your sexual preferences.

I am watching a documentary about Queen for Freddie Mercury's 80th. Would I have dated Freddie Mercury, you bet. So maybe it depends on the bisexual in question.

I would hope that men of all sexual orientations would wash their penises after a sexual encounter and hopefully use a condom.

I wouldn’t date a bisexual man. I’m straight and want a straight partner, not that I’m looking to date as I have a partner anyway. 😅

If you do date him, be wary being as you said he was still trying it on with you before when he had a gf. He may have grown up and be faithful now, but it may be who he is.

To be honest I just don't think that he could help himself. He just enjoyed flirting with me at work. I don't know what his fascination was but he always liked me and never stopped liking me even when he had a (pretty, younger and thin) girlfriend.

This other woman at work says "I think he might love you" I don't know about that but maybe he's just one of those men that enjoys the chase and HAS to have who they want?

She didn't explain any of that but I suppose you could infer it from what she said. She didn't directly answer my questions which is what I meant by side stepping. But as I said, it was really just supposed to be food for thought.

Nope. I’m not attracted to men who have sex with other men.

I wouldn’t go there.

Every other woman at work speaks to and has a laugh with the men that we work with. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have and he was completely faithful during our time together . It was me who dropped the ball . There are so many man who are bi these days . You would be surprised at the number on married men on the DL .

What the fuck. The internalised homophobia that we see on these kinds of thread is disgusting.
Of course, we can say “no” and that should require no further explanation at all.
But adding “yuck” “ewwwww” “the idea of men having sex with each other disgusts me, YUK.” is just blatant homophobia. That is yuck.

I know Mumsnet hates ‘such-and-such-phobic’ because “what do you meeeeeean by ‘phobia’, I’m not irrationally scared of them” (complete with a head tilt and tinkly laugh) but I always feel like I’m catapulted back into the 80s when bisexualism is mentioned on here.

They can’t begin to imagine to their DH having sexual relations with a man because that’s so disgusting and YUK; yet their darling dear DH probably had multiple relations with other women before they met, and actually, if their online personas are anything to go by, their DH’s probably doing similar things with other women now that they would be with other men 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yup, and they'll stay on the down-low, pretending to be straight to their unsuspecting wives, because of the attitudes shown on threads like this. If you are already lying in your marriage about something as fundamental as your sexual orientation, you might as well cheat, what's one more lie? It's not right, but that's what they'll be thinking.

Bi men are never going to feel comfortable being "out" when the reaction is one of "eww anal sex" from women who seem to forget that soap and STI tests exist. The idea that a man who has had sex with another man is somehow tainted by the experience is not so far removed from the incel idea that women are tainted by having sex and are valuable only as virgins. We recognise the latter as misogynist, and, whilst a man has the right to refuse sex with anyone for any reason, that doesn't give him the right to spread harmful myths about women who have had sex.

Just as I invite women who find themselves faced with "what's your bodycount?" to dump the asker, so I invite bisexual men to tell your new girlfriend that you are bi early on and consider yourself to have dodged a bullet if she bails. Don't settle for someone who you fear wouldn't accept you for who you are.

Is he single or does he have another partner or multiple partners, has he been in a monogamous relationship?

I think you need to know the answers to the above if you are considering him as romantic partner material. If you just want to resume a friendship then going out on a catch up date seems fine to me

This is an excellent comment.

My partner was open about who and what he is within a couple of dates. The first thing I thought was how refreshing to meet a man so honest, after having been in relationships where lies were part of daily life and it was intolerable.

I too am bisexual. I have never felt so accepted and met someone so non judgmental in my life. We are both able to be ur authentic self in a relationship for the first time in these later years of life.

So we both have attraction to both men and women, but we are very much in love with each other in a close and monogamous relationship. He is the most intelligent, warm, funny, kind, caring person I have ever met.

Some of the comments here are vile, close minded, and downright dangerous. A person is the sum of all parts and should not be defined by their sexuality and face such horrid judgment. Mumsnet is disgusting at times. No wonder I hardly use it.

Not a lot of inference needed tbh. You asked if being initially attracted to somebody would change if she found out they were bisexual and she replied I certainly wouldn’t ‘date’ a man I didn’t get to know first i.e. it's irrelevant really. The attraction would wane or would not be a factor as she only dates people she's got to know first. It's hardly side stepping.

It's not really food for thought. Objectively, lots of people are attractive and the nature of human relationships is that who they are and what they do also informs how far that attraction goes. I've said it before on these threads but my body is not an equal opportunities playground. I have preferences, as do most of us.

Never mind that he's bisexual – this is a major red flag: he never stopped flirting with me and trying it on even when he had a girlfriend

That aside, if you find him being bisexual off-putting, then don't date him.

Personally, as a straight-leaning bi woman, I prefer straight men (like my DH), partly because the bi men I hooked up with when I was young all played into the stereotypes of being promiscuous and unfaithful (great fun, though), and partly because I don’t like the idea of being unable to give a partner what they want in terms of body parts and sexual acts.

What a daft comment.

It is bizarre how many people don't seem to grasp that bisexuality exists and is not a rehearsal for being gay.

I have already commented on this thread to challenge the nonsense about bisexuality that is being posted

But I wanted to add that I truly hope the people who come up with all these ignorant and offensive comments never end up having bi or gay children or family members and the they are not working in professions like education or healthcare where their ignorance could lead to bi or gay kids and adults being stigmatised.

Indeed. The ignorance is astounding.

It's not food for thought but has somehow elicited four paragraphs from you...

Of course people have preferences, that's the crux of the whole thread. I was wondering how much of our preference comes from unconscious desire v conscious choice, not what it is that makes a person attractive or not. So I don't think we're really discussing the same thing.

Anyway, none of this is helpful to the OP so I will leave it there.