Would you date a bisexual man?

[Chunkychips1234]

I'm looking for a bit of advice on whether I should pursue a relationship with a man I used to work with.

He was crazy about me (I don't know why) when we used to work together years ago. He was in his 20s, a bit wild but he was a laugh. I liked him as a person and he was so sweet to me but the fact that he's bisexual put me off him. It was just too weird for me to deal with. I left that workplace coming up for 5 years ago and haven't seen him since.

I've recently bumped into him in the park and he's lost weight, looking healthier and gotten a new job. He was very happy to see me and being very nice. He told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since. He wants to take me out. I gave him my Instagram and he told me that he'd message me when he got home.

Should I just go on a date with him and see how it goes? He seems more mature and relaxed these days, I'm getting older now and can't afford to be too picky in the dating market. However I just don't know if I can overlook his sexuality. 😔

I'm a lesbian so wouldn't date a man anyway. But I definitely wouldn't be interested in a bisexual woman.

My husband is bisexual. He’s completely faithful to me and I have never once imagined him having sex with a man. But each to their own.

This man doesn’t sound like someone you should be wasting your childbearing years on tbh. You mentioned your age and the pool of potential partners getting smaller. If you’re looking for a man to settle down with, someone who flirts with work colleagues and hits on other women when he’s in a relationship ain’t it.

Bisexuality aside, what makes you think he would be a good long term prospect?

FWIW my DP said he was about 75% straight when we met. He had never had a gay relationship but was open to it in theory. Previously i would have thought this was a deal breaker, but there’s just something about him that made me overlook a couple of things like this and I’m so glad I did, as he’s just wonderful.

I've no problem with people being bi or gay . It's just not for me.

Yes, this is what people fail to grasp and so they leap to “biphobia” (which is a crock of shit, and fails to understand what homophobia is).

In every other walk of life, I couldn’t care less if someone is straight / gay / bisexual / trans / polyamorous / whatever.

But when it comes to my own sex life, I do care.

I have a friend who only dates East Asian women. Is he racist towards women of other ethnicities? You can see how the argument quickly falls down.

You probably have already without knowing it - this guy is just being honest. It is worth a shot. If he is a decent person who treats you well the rest are just details. Make it clear cheating with anyone is a show stopper.

@Chunkychips1234i was a completely different person in my 20s. He’s asking for a date, not marriage. Just go for a date, see how it goes. You say he’s matured. Nothing to lose with a single date.

He's 30 now. He's only 5 years younger than me but when we were working together he was young and wild, still only in his early 20s.

He seems to have calmed down and matured now.

Well then go on a date with him OP & have fun 🙌 😊 .

Don't let the bigoted, homophobic responses from some on here influence your decision. You know him, know the vibe between you and only you can decide if you are prepared to meet him.
Something casual where you can chat, establish where he is in life and if you think that's what you want, then go for it.

Sorry for 4 paragraphs. Would 3 have been acceptable?! I was just chatting with you about your question. It's a valid one. Obviously attraction can be subconscious or unconscious but for the majority, time and belief change initial impressions. And sexuality is part of what changes our parameters. It is absolutely relevant to the op's dilemma. She's wondering whether to apply her ideals to the situation. That's the crux of the issue. In this case, she's describing a man who doesn't sound particularly faithful or desirable on a couple of levels so probably best avoided for other reasons.

put side his sexuality and him fancying you, do you actually fancy him and want a boyfriend? Reading your post almost sounds like you think you should go out with him as he likes you, I’m getting no sense of what you like.
Don’t worry about ‘never meeting’ anyone, life is long and there are loads of people around.
I wouldn’t date him if I were you. Not because he’s bi but because it sounds like you don’t know what you want and will ultimately
mess him about.

Exactly this!

In reality I doubt he would be faithful, but even if he was, I suspect that he would use you for marriage and children, and everything that he is supposed to do according to society, and then, after 30 years of never having sex with a man, the itch would resurface and he would swan off into the sunset to "find himself", whilst everyone applauded his "braveness".

Meanwhile, you'd be left alone, with your retirement dreams in tatters, whilst he rediscovers his Bi side, with an array of different men.

I knew the ‘cool girls’ would be out in force to tell straight women we are homophobic dinosaurs for not wanting to fuck bisexual men.

You can be absolutely accepting of bisexual people without wanting to have sex with them. How can people not understand this?

It’s always women who get preached to about this ‘accepting whatever men want’ shit, too. And galling that it’s so often by other women,

Have a day off from policing other people’s sex lives, will ya?

Whoah, you don’t even know my opinion, so why are you so utterly touchy and jumping on me??

Even so, you must concede that when people have opinions that aren’t aligned with yours, they aren’t necessarily bigoted 🤷‍♀️

Or is your opinion always right and the only one to be considered otherwise you start throwing accusations at them by calling them bigoted etc??

He already has two children, he had them young and he's had the snip, I remember him telling other coworkers.

He'll probably never consider getting it reversed so I'll never have a chance of having any children if I was in a relationship with him. That's also the other part that put me off of dating him in the past.

I want someone that's at least open to having children together.

Why on earth is his sexuality the bit you’ve posted about given that?

You’re not remotely compatible with a man who has had a vasectomy if you want children.

Yes, it is biphobia. Yes, your other friend is racist.

Yes and have. Why not? It sounds like you've got a lot of stereotyped ideas about bisexual people.

But your really incompatible because you want kids, he's already had his and doesn't want more and has taken steps to prevent it.

Only you can decide if his sexuality or his snip is a deal breaker. I agree with pp that it seems the latter would be a bigger deal if you want biological children to be an option.

I've dated bisexual men. I went through a period of only dating bisexual men. It went very well for me, I married one decades ago. No ick, no concerns.

I don't care who other women date. I do think culturally there is a concept that bisexual women and bisexual men end up with men that has a lot of issues wrapped up with it that others elsewhere have unpicked far better than I could, but we can all be polite to people we don't want to date.

OP .. OP ..OP ..🙈

Says the person who was typing in upper case about opinions. 😂
As I say, I appreciate other people having different opinions, I merely stated that IF they are bigoted or homophobic I will call that out.
Every. Single. Time. 👍

That has no relevance to his sexuality though. Plenty of straight men are promiscuous.

With this issue too...I'd say just don't bother.

There's no world shortage of men. Find another one.

As long as he's out and ok with his identity.