Would you date a bisexual man?

[Chunkychips1234]

I'm looking for a bit of advice on whether I should pursue a relationship with a man I used to work with.

He was crazy about me (I don't know why) when we used to work together years ago. He was in his 20s, a bit wild but he was a laugh. I liked him as a person and he was so sweet to me but the fact that he's bisexual put me off him. It was just too weird for me to deal with. I left that workplace coming up for 5 years ago and haven't seen him since.

I've recently bumped into him in the park and he's lost weight, looking healthier and gotten a new job. He was very happy to see me and being very nice. He told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since. He wants to take me out. I gave him my Instagram and he told me that he'd message me when he got home.

Should I just go on a date with him and see how it goes? He seems more mature and relaxed these days, I'm getting older now and can't afford to be too picky in the dating market. However I just don't know if I can overlook his sexuality. 😔

OK...🙄

I often wonder how many of the "eww, anal sex" responses come from women who take it up the arse from DH at home but would never admit to that in public.

Anal sex isn't universal amongst gay men. There's even a term for those who swerve it: "side".

Genuinely curious, why? Would it make a difference if he'd not physically been with men?

Oh well, if some fictional characters in a 90s tv show said it, it must be true.

What about one that's been up a woman's?

But another woman's bottom or vagina is OK?

You realise that soap works to clean bi men's penises just as well as it works on hands, right?

The fact he continued flirting heavily with you while he had a partner is the biggest red flag about.

He’s shown you he doesn’t respect his partners or relationships.

his sexuality doesn’t even need to come into it.

What makes it ‘grim’?

For me...if a man was bisexual but had never been physical with a man, I still couldn't. It's the thought that he finds other men sexually attractive which means I could not knowingly be intimate with him. I can't explain why. Outside of my own sexual relationships, I just couldn't give a dam about whether men/women are gay/straight/bi.

Why not go out and see how it goes? What is it that bothers you, just the fact that he is bisexual or areyou worried that he will be seeing men on the side. My bisexuality barely comes up as a topic in my relationship because i am married and faithful to my husband. He knows I am attracted to women and occasionally we will discuss female celebrities we do and do not agree on as attractive but i am not going out hooking up with women behind his back.

No

This comment is grim. Get a grip.

That’s absolutely bizarre imo.

I think a lot of the confusion in this discussion comes from people thinking in terms of ‘reasons’. As far as I’m concerned, sex and sexual preferences belong in the non-verbal, non-reasoning realm, ie in the realm of the body and the psyche. I can’t explain my not wanting to have sex with a non-heterosexual man any more than I can explain all of my other sexual preferences (that I won’t go into detail on here obvs).

No

he never stopped flirting with me and trying it on even when he had a girlfriend.

Now that would bother me. A man who will cheat with you will cheat on you, regardless of sexual orientation.

It seems to me it bothers you , so why then pursue anything.

Yup, another great point.

If I were choosing an employee, a friend, a business partner/investor, like fuck would I care if they were bi/gay.

A sexual partner is completely different.

I'd think twice, largely because I'd think as a woman there would always be part of his sexuality I could never satisfy and I don't do sharing

The issue here doesn't seem to be that he was bi but that he admitted he was likely to sleep around while dating you. How would you have felt if he hadn't said that? If he had said he wanted to be in a monogomous relationship with you? And how would you feel if a straight man said he was likely to have one night stands with other women while you were together?

No way

No I wouldn't.

@EarthSight..this is the most helpful response.

People don't have to have nor give a reason. They don't have to justify who they will and won't accept as a sexual partner. The right to say "no" is absolute.

At the same time, if someone volunteers a reason that, in my view, perpetuates unfair or irrational stereotypes about people, I will call that stereotype out. Not because I think that poster should drop her knickers for any bi man that comes along, but because the stereotype is harmful or doesn't make sense.

This is fair. But I asked how you know the men you find attractive are straight and you didn't answer (unless I missed it). So here's a hypothetical for you... Imagine you meet a man, you get on well and you find him attractive. You then find out he is bisexual. Does that change how you feel?