Would you date a bisexual man?

[Chunkychips1234]

I'm looking for a bit of advice on whether I should pursue a relationship with a man I used to work with.

He was crazy about me (I don't know why) when we used to work together years ago. He was in his 20s, a bit wild but he was a laugh. I liked him as a person and he was so sweet to me but the fact that he's bisexual put me off him. It was just too weird for me to deal with. I left that workplace coming up for 5 years ago and haven't seen him since.

I've recently bumped into him in the park and he's lost weight, looking healthier and gotten a new job. He was very happy to see me and being very nice. He told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since. He wants to take me out. I gave him my Instagram and he told me that he'd message me when he got home.

Should I just go on a date with him and see how it goes? He seems more mature and relaxed these days, I'm getting older now and can't afford to be too picky in the dating market. However I just don't know if I can overlook his sexuality. 😔

No I definitely couldn't

I might be unique, but I’ve never wanted to have sex with a man I know absolutely nothing about? And I certainly wouldn’t ‘date’ a man I didn’t get to know first. Could I have dated men who completely hid their bisexuality? Possibly, but I really doubt it. I move in very liberal circles where there is absolutely no taboo around bisexuality, homosexuality, non-binary, ENM and other identities.

It doesn't matter whether it does or doesn't because every woman has sovereignty over her sexual decisions.

Should a woman choose to examine why she feels a particular way about a person or group of people, that's her right. But she can also choose to leave her feelings unexamined.

No woman should feel pressured, shamed, or coerced into accepting a sexual partner who she doesn't want.

Absolutely not

I personally wouldn’t knowingly date someone who found other men sexually attractive. Nor would I date men who had used prostitutes. Or men who had previously dated any of my friends. Or blonde men. Or policemen. Or men with soft hands and longer than average fingernails. The point is, those are my deal breakers. You have to decide what yours are.

I feel guilty that I turned him down in the past but he never stopped flirting with me and trying it on even when he had a girlfriend You feel guilty because he was willing to cheat on his girlfriend but you said no? Why would you feel guilty about his shoddy behaviour?

It would change how I felt. But it would equally do so if I found out they like swinging, or BDSM or have a foot fetish.

If we don't align on sexual preferences or experiences or levels of openess then I don't see that as a problem. I don't dislike someone for having a different lifestyle to me, but I can choose whether I want to be involved.

You last sentence is the real issue. How many other people did he flirt with whilst with his last girlfriend?

No, because I wouldn't be allowed to give blood any more.

I don't think anyone was trying to pressure. But some things are worth considering. in the context of bisexuality, the fear of cheating or not being enough is often brought up. If that's rooted in stereotypes or assumptions, not the reality of the person in question then I think that's a shame but it's still your choice and that's fine.

Bi now, gay later.

Not a problem:
https://www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/who-we-are/our-staff/lgbtplus-network/donation-if-you-are-lgbtplus/

It was just food for thought and it was a response to @Crushed23 implying that all sexual preferences are unconscious while at the same time seeming certain that she could never find a bisexual man attractive.

No one has to answer or even think about it. People are free to scroll on by. And of course no one should feel pressured into accepting a sexual partner they don't want. I was talking about attraction, not sexual activity.

Yes, I would and have in the past. I find bisexual men more comfortable in their own skin and less likely to have a performative and fragile sense of masculinity. It's very attractive to me. The only partner who ever cheated on me was very straight.

No

I know you weren’t asking me, but it would absolutely kill any attraction I had stone dead.

I wouldn't date a bisexual man, because I am a lesbian. I would date a bisexual woman, though not if she'd been "trying it on" while in other relationships

I wouldn't date a bi man or a fat one. That doesn't make me homophobic or fat-phobic. It is just my preference and nothing would shift that.

That is the oldest and most tired trope in the book, it is very frequently untrue, and you don’t sound clever for saying it.

No I wouldn’t. I’ve had sex with woman in the past though so I am a hypocrite. I wouldn’t really class myself as “bisexual” because I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman and I’m married to a man - I think it’s a bit redundant for me now since I’m (hopefully) only shagging one person for the rest of my life.

Of course they see it as flirting, otherwise why would all these married men throw themselves at you?

‘…he never stopped flirting with me and trying it on even when he had a girlfriend.’

On this basis alone I’d say no. It shows he’s not likely to be faithful - and how bloody disrespectful to his partner at the time!

Nicely side stepped. Have you ever considered becoming a politician? 😂

In theory it should make no difference but I would be grossed out if he had a relationships with guys. Also, gay men relationships are often quite different to heterosexual (different rules) so that would be a turn off for me. I only know one couple where guy was bi and they had a spectacularly bad break up involving courts and SS due to his sex life post marriage and kids.

I have already said, and will say again, that I will challenge harmful stereotypes when I see them.

All a woman has to say is "no". She shouldn't ever need to explain why and IMO she should not ever explain why.

Explaining one's sexual decisions is harmful to all women because it sets the tone for treating women's "no" as a negotiation opener instead of a final decision. To give an example, there's a live thread where the OP gave stopping her Pill as a reason for wanting to use a condom, so her partner overrode her "no" saying that he would pull out to prevent pregnancy. Her "no" to barebacking wasn't a negotiation, it was a final answer, but he saw pulling out as an acceptable solution to her stated reason and raped her.

When a woman explains her "no" to dating bisexual men by using harmful stereotypes, she not only harms all women, she also harms bisexual men. It also makes it really hard to counter those harmful stereotypes without being seen as treating her "no" as not her final answer.

If we are friendly and jokey at work, we are hit on and seen as would-be OWs. If we keep our distance, we are ice maidens.

Women at work cannot win.