There We Are Then - part 3

[mummy917]

And another 🤣

Have a great Holiday @mummy917 . We'll still be here to support you when you get back.

Me too, OP. Have read them all but now posting to say this is the awesome power of mumsnet; the collective advice and encouragement. You are so admirable!

You need to listen to a bit of Madonna. "It's time for the good times. Forget about the bad times, oh, yeah..."

Hope you have a lovely holiday

Hear hear!!!! Happy holidays too!! 😃🌞

I think you might find this holiday a bit of a revelation too. You’ll realise you were doing everything anyway but this time you won’t have anyone criticising from the sidelines. Nor will you have to chase him to spend time with the kids when he just wants to sit on a sun lounger relaxing. Have you ever been told you need to remember this is his holiday??? Have a lovely time.

Agree with @Lizchapman - this break away will show you just how far you have come. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday.

I know it is hard OP, i remember all to well watching someone move on far faster than me but, honestly you will catch up and overtake soon i promise! Look how far youve come just between the first thread and this one. Have a fantastic holiday, savour every moment, you deserve this.

100% agree with @PetulaGordeno post - when ever he is not putting his children first remind yourself that you are not the one collapsing like a flatpack wardrobe........

Just marking my place to follow this very inspirational story.

OP, the missing the him you used to love must be so difficult when he's there in front of you being a selfish arsehole. I hope you're giving yourself grace to feel whatever range of emotions may come. You're so early in this journey, it's no surprise you'd go back and forth between feelings. But, like everything, time is a great healer. And have been so classy and prioritised your kids so carefully and considerately with the future in mind, all while coping with this huge life change.

Hope the holiday goes well, and you get to relax a bit and enjoy the time with your children.

Have a lovely holiday and switch off OP. Don't feel you need to come on here during your much needed break from all the "stuff" of recent weeks unless you really want/need to. We will be here when you are back.🍷

Catching up on the thread - sorry to hear you got the sickness bug too! What an absolute there we are then he is bringing the children back so early AGAIN.

You're doing so well, you've made such progress over the course of these threads, you're amazing!

Hope you are feeling better and can enjoy the holiday 😊

Enjoy your hols!

Following x

Enjoy your holidays it is his loss.

Hope you and your children have a wonderful holiday x

Thank you everyone, I’ve just had chance to catch up on your replies; it’s been a very hectic and at times, stressful day! The kids were shattered so they’re all in bed and so am I now too.

It has been hard today as where we’ve came on holiday is where we all used to come yearly as a family and this holiday was also booked at the beginning of the year before all this happened. I’m hoping I will get some time to just relax and take a bit of a step back, but easier said than done with 4 kids.

I think coming here, and it being our first holiday without him with us, has brought up a lot of emotions for me that I wasn’t all that prepared for. We were here literally this time last summer and I can’t believe how happy we were then and where things are now.

You are still going through many "firsts" as you navigate the split from your ex.
There's nothing wrong with feeling emotions.

You have never stopped putting your DC first even during your most difficult times. I hope as the holiday progresses, calm and building some new memories can overtake the sadness.

(I realised after my previous reply, that I'd mixed up your DC with another MNer. I'm sorry about that. The warm wishes for a good holiday were for you and your DC).

Time to make new memories, @mummy917
I used your catchphrase this weekend with an annoying family member. Smiled sweetly, looked them in the eye, and said 'well, there we are then' and continued to smile. It felt good!

I absolutely love that There We Are Then is being used more and more 🤣

I know, I’m trying my absolute best to focus on making memories with the kids and trying to switch off from everything else that has been happening at home, so to speak. He messaged me this morning saying he hoped we all have a good time away; that was it, flood gates opened again. But I composed myself after a few moments and it took a lot to not reply and say I wished he had been here too, but I’ve not replied and will be keeping it that way too.

The first time away without him is bound to be hard but look how you feel like home is an easier calmer space now. Don't try to recreate old memories concentrate on making new ones on this holiday. Well done on not replying.

This holiday was always going to be hard, especially if it’s somewhere you’ve holidayed regularly before. You are doing so well and how bloody fabulous are you taking the kids away on your own?! Well done for not responding to his message, that shows just how far you’ve come, you should be so proud. Just remember to be kind to yourself, you are going to feel sad at times, but that’s okay. You’ll make some happy memories too ❤️

Happy holidays x

Not holidaying in the same place would show him how much he’s hurt you, that you want to run away from your current situation. Instead, you’ve shown you’re strong enough to carry on. He’s indirectly acknowledged this by messaging you.
Remember his nights out at his mates when he came home in the early hours, when he stayed out all night, his prolonged time in the bathroom to avoid breakfasts, the disappointment of his birthday treat, his dismissal of your feelings.
Too many sacrifices, too many compromises.
Come on, OP.
You’re much better than him and always will be. You have the foundation of a much better future.
Have a lovely holiday and switch off from him. x